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Why Hell is bad (And stuff about individuality)

General StuffPosted by Nicole Wed, May 16, 2018 02:00:05
These two go together. Whenever we talk about Hell there also is the 'individual' - deserving - of it ... or not. We then get to speak of qualities ... . But there's another link between Hell and Individuality.

Here I find that within myself there is a thought. It would be there as of my composure - and basically I can turn it on or off. It has been there all the time, just ... it has been lost somewhere in the chaos of consciousness. While now I see a certain structure to it, I recognize it by a given familiarity I have with its presence despite not having 'seen' anything other than its consequences. ~~

These in general would be my ~two mindsets~ or otherwise appearing as ~gender conflict~ (although the latter has a bit more to it).

Now, this one thought is really pivotal in my mind. But as I would bring it up as such, ... you might not recognize its relevance. The question there is simply 'Sex'. Yes or no. And while you might wonder what its right position is; How could I tell? Well, there's something of a ... well, 'coat'. Like a dark pelt - something that just sticks out as odd. And thats the 'no' position.

This is why whenever I get to seriously inspect myself, that gets turned on sooner or later and that has a consequential ripple effect onto me. It there are simply aspects of myself that basically "force switch" it on, which is how come it to be-eth in the center of it all.

Now is there something such as a 'no sex' 'bubble' in there somewhere, but its part of the 'on' constellation. So basically, there is 'no' question.

If you now were to imprison me because of that - thinking of it as a thought crime - what would happen? I might wonder, where did I go wrong, and either I lie to myself or I only grow more confident in it. This, in terms of confinement, is I guess the issue. Whether the prisoner comes to realize its wrongs or not.

What I now have to think about is the question for co-existence. As there is so a line between 'saved' and 'not saved' - what makes the difference? Can't we co-exist? As it stands, the situation is that the argument goes: "When given enough power, they'd totally screw us over!". But is that a good enough argument?

Well, all it takes - in the beginning - is baptism. As a whole, with all that belongs to it. Repentance and belief in Christ. Thats what you are to do. A simple action that resembles your desire for doing the right thing. But ...

Well, the problem is that with right there is wrong and that imposes the question for punishment. And the issue with that is that it eventually doesn't work and only makes things worse.

That is why one 'has to' let go 'of the world' sotospeak. Allowing God to regenerate you. So, if there's a thing you like - and it is built from good and bad foundations - you aren't crippled by those bad foundations anymore. Otherwise, well ... whatever 'excuse' you have for being on that way, it essentially tries to justify things that are bad - and there, I think, from Gods perspective is no twisting or turning it. We are flawed beings and ... as the saying "the way to hell is paved with good intentions" goes, thats our problem. If you hold on to them and get thrown into hell the story just unfolds in a different scenario. You'd still feel justified in whatever shtick you got going - and the only reasonable counter measure were some 'Hell' wherein you had the chance to see your errors eventually.

And baptism is I think only there to make it easier. So - salvation by a symbolic act is less difficult than salvation by ... gaining some state of higher Enlightenment. Unification in that sense I think is only there if you want more. Or - well, it is inevitable. As much as that the two come together. Well, one comes as a part of the other. And Enlightenment is more simply the 'bigger', more relevant thing.

But ... well. Thats just a theory. A Hell Theory!

Notes of Crazy

General StuffPosted by Nicole Mon, May 14, 2018 01:11:26
What is it like to go crazy? Damnnit ... I had written something but I accidentally deleted it. But ... not much harm done. It just sucks. "Lost is lost".

Well, there have been tensions - and those are the closest thing I know that could literally make me 'nuts'. And I mean 'nuts' ... like ... all fuses ... bye bye. And tensions is the ultimate term as well. Things ... related to thoughts that are rather distant to ones actual "mindset" urging into consciousness and 'fighting' for dominance. Then, not only one. But ... once every personal belief or knowledge or desire ... everything ... is challenged ... that might not only make one go nuts - but also amount to torture of the highest degrees.

The counter-measure I know of isn't really 'about' reasoning. There is no reasoning - effectively - since an individuals mind is ... 'unique'. There is no 'right' ... other than empirical truths ... that could be taught. It though is about 'reasoning', but thats the individuals dilemma. My advise would be: "Don't believe in anything, don't commit to anything, just let go of everything".

What is ones self though? Thats another dilemma. Here I would suggest that its either of two ways: Nothing or Something. Nothing meaning meditation, Zen, withdrawal, ... just trying to be. Something ... amounts to having a goal; And that might emerge from 'nothing' ... like ... from watching TV, finding stuff one likes.

Insert inspirational speech?

Seriously, thats stuff for movies - not reality!
This topic is somewhat more of a pretense. I think ... or ... like how things evolved. So, people have gotten baptized, I think, since ... I wrote about how Taylor wasn't. Now she is? And so quick?

OK, I do not know if thats true - but all in all - ... things are brighter than they used to be. So, there was this 'smell' - to say that something stank - and then it was gone. But also gone are the ... sexual things. So - I think I was "righter" about the effects of Baptism than I anticipated. Not in a bad way. Its just ... 'significantly different' in regards to my expectations. What I meant by 'its something to behold' - or that I think people wouldn't be in the mood for 'sex' in that state - its not only correct but stronger than I supposed. I should have expected it though.
So, there's that "mutual "link"" which I regarded emotionally which is now "gone" - leaving me to suppose that its truly mutual. In real time. So, "braving the crazy" I'd say that people are making progress on Astair ... but that wasn't so difficult I suppose after getting started ... so its been a while. When things take a while I kindof grow impatient, but I get it that "You do You" ... You might be stuck getting some work done ... so yea. That. I'm also trying to get ready. Eventually I don't need any suitcases ... I'll try to have a somewhat clean room - but generally I at this time don't think I'll (ever) be ready.

Regarding the "micro tensions" I suppose there are still some arguments, but a beachhead is forming. Uh, growing. Was there for some time? There's one annoying voice that pops up every once in a while. Been around for a while. Its difficult to describe. It usually exaggerates or dramatizes things. Making wild "out there" suggestions that don't seem to have any ground in reason but sortof work in context.

Voyager S5E7 was the recent one I watched. Its about 7 of 9 getting infected with an Anti-Borg Virus and Tuvok does a mind-melt with her. It gets me to think about stuff going on in my mind. And thats why I'm not really sure about "other impressions" I'm getting.

In essence ... there are "Characters". One side is suggesting that they emerge as 'themself' through impressions that were created. The other side suggests that they are merely representations for one or more. So there's the image of Neo/Keanu - which sometimes seems like its him and other times ... its different. Since recently there's James Franco.

In essence, we're winning. And it seems fair to lay the Revelation aside. It even stands - at this point at least - in conflict to other prophecies. The rolling stone - first and foremost. Once thats rolling - nothing is there to stop it. Thats the cue. So, what could the revlelation add to that? Details. OK. But one way or another - its got to come down to the 'one and only' conclusion. We seem to have won the upper hand - or ... 'you'.
Well, ... its not all that simple. For me at least. Every once in a while I 'sense' someone as "on the edge". Individuals that are about to 'get it' - and I'm ... terribly insecure each time I'm somehow partaking in that.

SG1 S9E10+11 ... . Its not about the killing ... thats of no concern to our reality. But its about freedom and enlightenment.

Escaping the "question"? Well - its hard to tell what I was actually pondering upon. The moments of change usually come about a single thought. And that might be different from person to person. When I get to behold something its usually the same one. And there's a slim line between embracing or tossing it. Its as though the mind can select, while now 'any' other thought might do the trick. Its not so much about the 'pivotal' one, but more about the mindset. Lifestyle or ... "way of being". So, in essence ... its another dilemma. The one side says that 'hammering home the point' doesn't do the trick - but if it isn't there, there is no trick. And thats kindof the trick.
I think.
Watching Stargate - thinking about the moral implications or suggestions - thats not everyones thing. I suppose. I mean, there certainly is enough 'sense' within that. And by that I don't mean a 'particular' sense, like in Golden Chains, ... but more so the opposite. Relying so on 'one' ... "tool of indoctrination" ... that so aims at specific points ... ... . There's a chance that someone would accept something - and as of that there is a chance that others will do the same. Thinking about a book, like ... the book of Origin ... it has the chance to check many boxes. ... . But ultimately thats just 'planting seeds' - and for better or worse - its still up to the individual/ones mind to do the rest.

I think that is why Astair bothers me so much. Hmm. Well - I initially wrote a lot about how I felt like I wasn't myself - for a simple way of putting it - mostly thinking about 'flares' of emotion (well, Episode 12 reminded me of that) that to me were irrational. My "decision" regarding my way ... hmm. Well, things don't make sense. They don't line up. Although there certainly is a part of me that is capable of such ... "compulsion". I mean ... I'd feel put into a bad spot and eventually "light up" in some range alike "You'll see" - but filled with wrath. I so would tell you that that isn't me - though surely, it somehow is. Its just blown out of proportions. And being 'seen' ... or 'felt' like that can be taken many ways. Some might look at it straight and laugh about me. Thats the simplest route. Others might see it from the opposite end. Thinking that its the good or right thing/way ... then perceiving me as weak as I'm incapable of following through.

But so it has become one of my policies to not be bothered too much about details or accidentally breaking something. Well, though on the opposite end I do "feel like" a Giant. I need to be careful where I step, sotospeak. I'm not sure, but generally I feel like a huge person in a small flower-garden.
But ultimately its not the 'feeble' ... that is 'strong'. What I mean is that there may be a lot of missed opportunities, points where I just 'barely missed' the mark 'convincing' X or Y; While being more than on point regarding Z. Anyway one of the many troubles I faces is the issue of time, exposure and contact. At 'the very best' I could hope for some short passive exposure - right before "whatever else" would kick in to work against it. And eventually its rather this back and forth that gets the job done.

And most of it is up to God anyway. Thats ... often 'the last line of defense' I have once I'm getting "moodie" again. Whatever I do - no matter how pointless it all seems every once in a while - I got to believe that there's a point, a purpose, ... and that if anything 'is' to happen - its down/up to Him to go let/make it.

And, what do I know about what works for whom? I mean, it seems like sometimes "being figured out" is enough. Well, "figured out" how? Or "what"? Being a bad person ... and then wondering ... 'why' ... actually. ... For instance.

Or ... 'are we' ... winning? (I wrote the previous part before I wrote the projections thing)

I'm crazy. Basically ... thats objectively the case. Confused at the very least. Confused and unable to do something against it. So - as clarity is inevitable to come up under this headline ... the thing is that for me there's as much as a 'Character' "I'm playing" here. Lets call that Character ... Cleopatra for now. Its the part of me thats all open for the Esoteric "nonsense" thats coming in. So, from being a whore over Sexual Slavery and God knows how many lives, to ... well, ... 'which names' ... I'd relate to.

I got to be. "Playing" this Character allows me to be true to whats 'growing in there' - which, by the way, comes without the much needed actual experiences. By which I don't mean 'the things I want' - but how these "wants" are reflected in society. ... Uh ... yea. Which makes it more complicated?

Anyway ... there's the other side of me where 'all of that' is crazy. I mean, all the things that I so get to "integrate into my Character" that don't have any real pragmatic meaning are crazy. So even "being a Whore". That so has no meaning if I don't really work as such. I can write that that isn't how (I think) its supposed to work - but the direct line is the shortest.

Names that inevitably are going to pop up as part of the story are first ... not regarding the negative mentions ... are Madonna, then Amanda Tapping, then there's Monica Bellucci (note how she's the Star of the credits) ... while the appearance of each is an independent story. So, the way Amanda is significant is different to Madonna - or how she appeared "in there". And finally ... Taylor is like all the rest. I made the initial comparison to J.Lo - and for the time being I can't avoid seeing more and more parallels.

Right now I'm in "justification mode". Basically I'm flipping between 'real' and 'Character' - ... which isn't really a carefully measured differentiation. But well. I think, more to the point - and trying not to come across as smart - my "real" self is to convince the rest of me that its crazy. On the other end I've written what I've written - "in Character" - and real self tries to debunk that. Every now and then it gains 'weight' and that makes me 'believe' that I'm in crazytown, thus making me eager to smartass myself out of it.

Madonna first appeared to me as a figure of Light floating beyond some veil. Was it her personally? I doubt it. But to draw you a picture: I was sitting at my desk scheming of Sex in Religion, more or less - well - at the beginnings of what might eventually turn into that. While, it actually just turned into that right now. I thought of it more from the socializing perspective. However, I was open minded, looking for cues - stuff to think about, and "there she was" and the Light felt comforting. Somehow like glue.
What exactly this means however is ... unclear.
Monica on the other end is a "Character" that ... 'slowly' became ... kindof relevant. Amongst all the things that went on in me, "her image" would generally stick out and instill some calm within me. Comfort. Closeness. And how she gets a 'wink' in the Credits, all 3 times so far, that only ... right? ... "crowns it".

So, two different stories of significance - and what I got from that is all just in my head right now. Or heart. Spirit. Mind. Whatever.

And in a way - would all these words, I feel, be already too much into a 'bad' direction for some. So let me just get 'one' thing clear: Mostly the biggest question for me was and in a way still is the 'difference' between 'all' of them. I have 'so many' ideas of 'love' that I might find myself interested in committing to - "monogamously" - and yea. If my story had no meaning to you, you wouldn't care about how "i" experienced anything. So you wouldn't think as I of 'an actual thing' between her and I that would amount to any kind of practical insights.

"Justification Mode" ... I have this weird feeling that itches me to update my "Taylor Swift story", while on the other end I had convinced myself to ignore it for the most part. The next one were Amanda. I mean, after I'd properly confuse myself about her to whatever ends ... or what? I'm questioning my beliefs however - and certainly that too extends into clarity.

And clarity - well. There's this 'topic' - this question for 'what' is supposed to happen when and how, in the beginning of "us" - where first of all I mean "it" to be an open invitation to 'all'. If there's a group that wants to and can support me - thats fair enough. Whatever. Just ... whatever. Its a blank space. Eventually thats gonna happen somehow - while when clarity is the topic thats the one and only thing that really matters. So, there is only "this one group" - where we could draw circles: Church, Satanism, "Venus". So, Church is as blanks as it gets, Satanism is more specific and "Venus" is the "in group". Another thing to feel crazy about. "Like I could/would ...".

Another perspective is to look at individuals. So, Madonna, Amanda, Monica and Taylor. As it stands they don't have a fixed position in the whole either - at which the "issue" was to find to which extent our attachments to each other overlap. Or stuff like that. Or they'd have a fixed position; Or they'd look 'at me' for one. As the truth emerges on behalf of God through within or whatever - we are to however find ourselves in the proper positions. We could say: Because I'm in Satanism and Madonna is to connect with me she's in Satanism. But its a bit dangerous to put it that way. Its the direct line to crazy ... . In the end she's gonna be in Satanism 'of herself' - if at all. Whether that be by reference to me or someone else or some'thing' else. So 'technically' she should be there - because "how else" would certain things make any sense; But yea - thats ... the question. What is this Light for or about? I can speculate - but in the end it is to somehow be about her. So, wherever she stands.
I have one side of the story, she has another - and if our individual perspectives didn't matter; Why even bother ... with anything?

But so the 'honesty' thing. If we don't have a basis for trusting each other, well - whatever. So yea, there's a whole bunch of other things that end up being of importance; But so ... "BLANK SPACE". Baptism, Unification ... done! We'll see what we get from arriving where we ought to!

So, technically 'blank space' is just that - and it has an individual meaning for us. Lets say: It resembles what we 'are to' expect. If its just neutral nothing, it isn't much of a home. Its just neutral nothing. So what matters for me here is a home. Whatever 'special duty' I might have is only "slapped on". It were an exception solely made for me. But while there's nothing to 'work with' - there isn't really a thing.

Anyway are there now basically 3 competing layers of expectation. There is 'neutral', there is "the One 'power fantasy'" and there is home and belonging. And I feel like people tend to like to misunderstand the latter. Can't we just all live in standard boxes? OK, but how is "sub culture" getting organized? Free market? Marketplace of ideas? So, in a simple setup, situations where people would "beg" for money to get something going. And its just that - to equalize "opportunity bias" away.

I mean. "You're right!". There is no Disco without Disco people - and the better Disco between one that is "State Run" and one that is "Disco people operated" ... is probably the latter. The point is that at every "operation" there are people that run the operation.

So, lets say we all lived in Uniform boxes - who would run those things? Well, people living in the same boxes. Of course! Because there is no other way of living. But how do we now get from point A to point B? By eventually starting to ignore the standard boxes; Because ... they don't matter in this discussion at all!

So are there those names, first of all, that I get attracted to - next to which there are institutional Entities. Here, even if you were to put me on top of anything or everything, my 'perspective' going in is that of an "unbelonging" individual that has the wealth of it all at its disposal. So, figuring out 'where I want to be'. So, there is this "Blank Space" circle/plaza - and from there lines go into different directions leading to more specialized circles/plazas.

So, taking my Spine as Royalty/Deity - that now is at first more of a question. I put it on my paper, get stamps on it, ... which should mean that when I find the place I'm meant to be at, where those labels are to matter, they are gonna matter. Else we couldn't 'stamp' them since we couldn't really guarantee their relevance. And that ... well ... we could call it a "Club ID".

Then, I'm gonna look for the place I want to be at. And thats a place where I'm welcome. Else, why would I want to be there? If I'm where I want to be but am not really welcome anywhere - I might find myself present in a more 'general' spot. I mean, what else could it be?

So, how does this work? "I start Satanism"? No! I'm just a person coming in. Even if I'm the first to do so. I have this image that I'd be coming in, draw this circle of Satanism around me and call it my ship or something. While the conjecture is certainly reasonable, it misses out on some of the details. If I so were the first and only so far, that circle would 'also' be drawn around me. Me stating my belonging and getting it confirmed - thats the two sides that are necessary for it to be "thingified". What I then can do for "my Church" - as its only member - isn't even a thing yet. I can take my leave while others do their thing and wonder; While else trying to live my life. From the box I'm living in. Once more individuals would join the group I'd sooner or later inevitably be "a Goddess" - and I for myself would wonder about what others make of it. So, the more people there are - the more it will take shape. So, as being now a community composed of people that presumably have some "standard work", there is interest. If we think in money: There is money those people earn that they again can spend on. In a money-less situation that means that the workers gain the right to demand support for certain things. So, the Church gets funded by the amount of support its members put into it. This means that the Church can become an employer. Basically. So, 'cleric' is a profession. But first there needs to be some order to begin with. The Church itself could at the very start just be a 'sub-assembly' - but management and hierarchy makes it so that there inevitably 'has to be' some centralized ground. So, the 'shapeless' community organizes itself into an Entity. Here also some sense of what the whole thing is about comes together.

The real challenges are of 'interaction'. "Oh no, we have to find a way to talk things out amongst each other!" How crazy!!! "That can never work!"

I think ... the issue with me being ... it "sounds" odd but I can't deny its ... what it is ... me being "the bottom of all bottoms" - when it comes to Sexual duties - can easily be misunderstood. I mean, I didn't know how to understand it properly. So I would remain confused - having urges to express something but never really getting around to it. And now - well, ... I get that I wasn't ever even close. It would be "your" thing though. In a sense - taking me as a reference 'like that' means that any other individual like me is just as valuable. At the very least. You wouldn't do to them what you wouldn't do to me.

That is an 'in Character' prognosis. One of the things I have to mention eventually, while on the other end it just 'adds unto crazy'. I however 'am' a Part of "Venus" - and while I'm submissive and a Goddess my function were that of empowering others by simply submitting to them. So, Madonna or Amanda come to mind. In this context more specifically Amanda. But the implications thereof would change depending on where she's at. If so everything I assume of her is correct, her place might be somewhere else in Satanism. So the link might not be Venus to Venus, but Venus to Baphomet for instance. Or something entirely different. There so is a place I feel her to be 'at' - but where that place is and how I am connected to it is a totally different story that I alone can merely guess about.

So, I cannot 'empower' Amanda to be leading Satanism, that unless she's a central figure within Satanism and hierarchical "on top enough". As otherwise I'd file in as Slave of Satan so, whoever ended up leading the Church would in some way be in charge over me - but that is still technically an act of me empowering them to do so.

Next, once I'm a part of Venus it is up to "Venus" to use me. Which means - if there is a way "they" think I could be useful, within the margins of my "venerated existence", they'd put me to that use.

What I so see ahead of me as a 'good' line of expectations is an upwards slope. So, drawing a line from the bottom left to the top right of a sheet of paper - first off. Now segment the breath into smaller segments. Each representing a lifetime. So, each life could start and end ... anywhere. It goes up and down, zig-zagging along the line in the background. Some lifetimes could entirely be 'above' the "average", others could tend to lower that again - and the "best" ones are the really steep climbs. Thats the "Lubricated" version sotospeak.

In regards to that I have a ... vision of sorts. Expressed here and there ... . The general goal for the more perverted side of things would be to think of teenage prostitutes. 16 as a target age, where the fantasy would require them to at that point choose life as a prostitute 'against' freedom. So, they need to know about their situation. In the idea they are then provided with a fate - be it diced out or whatever - and they have to agree with "each position" thereof or else they drop out entirely. That is now the focus of what I'm trying to get at. The "this is the demand" versus the alternative. In the idea there is the passion inside that would drive the individual to embrace everything. At least so the ideal. If there's however a point the individual can't agree with - thats as much of an indicator that the individual needs a break; Or something else.
At that point - living would be much more about gathering experiences; And the increase or decline of sexual "tensions (of the extreme)" over the years would be influenced by that. So, the moment that beings are predetermined to get born into certain circumstances they are part of a fold - and the base expectation would be that they wouldn't get out of it anymore. So, if what we did were unbearable, there soon wouldn't be any offspring to fill up the ranks. Or the habits would simply become more bearable. So the curve would stabilize around some way.

For me, Madonna makes a good Character for some horror stories. At least in this context. So - despite me being drawn towards her; Well - I first of all assume that this 'stays' the way it is. So, once she's 'in' and I meet her it would still be there and then also fulfilling "its purpose" - that'd make it mutual. But the way I submit to her would still have to come in stages.

And as for me. I feel less and less joy from playing Videogames - thats still a thing. I still happen to have enormous reservations about it, but I understand that when "taken in" properly all my reservations are going to just pop. And thats as much sanity as I can find in this. My reservations are strong - and based upon them I am concurrently developing myself. If it came down to a 'sudden' choice - one vs. the other - I'd generally vote against being a whore; But through connecting with others on that Level it would still be an inevitability. Its however a matter of time and opportunities. The latter is also pretty much a matter of organization, the former one being a matter of growth.

But well. The way my feelings for Taylor changed is ... previously she felt as comforting towards my female identity, now thats somehow gone; But things fit better into the rest. And as for her warning ... I ... happen to take it a lot more seriously now! But ... "whats good for my pussy is good for me!". Generally speaking!

How strongly we'll align to our esoteric values is a different question. And is 'the' question on top of all things "society" - to my understanding at least.

And thats the fundamental pillar. The pillar from where we 'might' start 'crazy'. Or from where we 'would'. ...

A last word on (not) "the Last Jedi"

General StuffPosted by Nicole Fri, May 11, 2018 20:42:58
Well, more so in general. Upon pondering about why I am in such propositional liking of certain movies, that in a way of cognitive exchange with my environment to the point of defending their quality. It ... is strange now that I would say "it is clear" that there is 'the Synagogue of Satan' - as - when I did so previously its uncertainty gave me strength. Now I am weak to point out or see the obvious.

The issue now stands out to me as basically a question unto myself and others. It is obscure though. What is it? Why is it? We can start with the mere principle of a movie to the extrapolations of real life examples - but now what I see is different. It is obvious and hidden in plain sight. And I believe it is a very strong point on its own. I believe an awful lot of people, no matter how they are adjusted to the topic, will "agree" upon it, for as much as there is to be agreed upon.

There is a clear and simple purpose that a movie is to fulfill. When regarding it from a certain perspective however. That of 'the creator' ... or 'a creator'. 'The creator' -of the movie-. Or 'creatorS'. The writer, most specifically - unless the writer is merely a mirror to someone else. It may appear to be a 'big secret' of how "the craft" works - though actually I believe every creator does so intuitively anyway. It is 'the art of projection'. And by that merit I would further 'call' every movie 'good by default'. That so as a non-judgmental thing, giving space to creator to express itself.

This is also how one can see the art is something that is abstract. Like ... David Lynch movies. It might seem 'high nosed'. Matter of fact, my friend and another friend at the time once got into a really heavy argument about some really bad Hip Hop track. I must say that it is really bad - but it also was good. And that was our point. The other guy was really upset about it. He though really thought it was bad while we said it was good. He meant that we only pretend - for the lack of a simpler word - looking for art wherein there is none. And yea - kindof, thats actually what it is. You give the artist the freedom to express. If 'he' so chooses to make 'bad' Hip Hop - then thats ... a statement. But now he has to make it good in a way. That is in a sense the application of an challenge. One that in a sense is as any obstacle in the real world. Some people have this thing, as the movie ... whats is name, the one with Jack Nicholsen where he ... walks on or avoids the lines in the tiles. Some people have what is called superstition. And yea, if he so happens to pull the stunt, one must be able to say it. To all it.

Of course - such isn't really 'mainstream compatible'. I mean, at this point at least we like as much harmony and as little dissonance as possible. I think the relationship between the Trump administration and Comedy, or even between the Last Jedi and and Comedy. Worse case scenario - it was intended that way and we shouldn't be distracted by it. "Best" case scenario, ... . ...

The 'secret' word is 'projection'. The author 'projects' a reality into our minds - and the best ones are those that spawn further visions of our own. Be they related to the fantasy of the film or real-life inspirations; Or just flashy visions without a point. And I believe it is Gods right to project Himself through us as we are His creations. Whatever freedom He gives us, comes of His benevolence. For what is in His might, He never had to really suffer any of us.

Well, not beyond a certain point at least.

"The Dawning of Might"

What did He do with it? I guess it is in minds out there, ... that He might be a cynical bastard just out to torture us. "I guess we'll see" - in, whether I'll get out of this unharmed ... or not! Its a simple thing. Maybe I deserved a lot of bad things, maybe I didn't. Maybe it isn't fair to hold me accountable - and probably that would translate onto any of us who are deserving of His forgiveness.

What bads have happened. Who got hurt how? Hard to say? I know that a lot of my lifetime would seem like real luck - being always 'up there' - whenever I'm there, there's a footprint. Or maybe not? But I know one thing. I don't really envy those that can live a carefree life either!

I mean, I ~do~, in a very vague sense. I can see the delight - but ultimately, ... I don't want to change who I am. I could be forced to - in so many ways - abiding to 'sober rules of normality' - but I have my own delights elsewhere. Do I want peace like this or peace like that? Strong bat further apart, or steady but slim? We all get used to things. I guess thats the best common line between those that live in wealth and those that do not. The key element: The toilet. We all have to get there - and even the fanciest of toilets does eventually just turn out to be just that.

But sure - there certainly also is a ... slope of sorts. In this world. That is 'misfortune' - things where one needs money to compensate. Like a fine. Especially aggravating for something stupid. Like public transportation not being free. Or downloading a movie. Especially if its one I've payed for seeing; Or one of relevance yet dubious morale.

Those that have will gain, and those that have little will loose all they have.

Projection is so intrinsically tied to all the things we do, that our motives become visible through our actions. But sometimes we also get it wrong. Or right. In movies, our objective opinion - and thats the bit I'm "proud" about - is "stickied" to different planes of "judgmentality". So, one might look at a movie and look at the film-making aspects. Is the 'hand-craft' good? Others look for their individual highs, others for some kind of entertaining ... projection.

Loot Boxes. They are a problem. But for all exchange of money there is the argument that it works. More money for those that make all those things is always a good thing, isn't it? Well, ... maybe not. Gaming has changed. So the argument. "Single player is dead". And eventually it has been destinguished that there's a casual and a non-casual line of gamers/gaming. Call of Duty - casual. World of Warcraft - not so much. Well, casual is maybe not the right word. "Mainstream". Or ... '"cool kid gaming"' - 'easy mode'. Just hop in front of the screen and play something. This is where "Live Gaming" is at.

Counterstrike is beyond 'easy mode' since there is a certain layer of complexity that one first has to get used to. Lets call it 'underground gaming'. Comparing the two, we can call them both 'mainstream' - and Live Services. But it is in itself more of a hobby since the entry Level 'makes it so'. Everyone playing is 'beyond' that entry level, the 'norm' is already complex and specific. So, we're 'towards' 'professional' gaming.

Survival games are again different. They meet these criteria of 'professional' gaming - but in their progression they exist in their own bubble of 'Adventures'. Exploring. This we can include within what I would call 'general gaming' or "tabletop gaming". Here is the default place for all games ... we might say 'offline' games, just to be sure.

Things you would install on your computer - Civilization 2 maybe - just to play, ... building stuff. "Recreational data production and manipulation".

Loot Boxes are like 'begging for money'. Its a bag one might drop a few coins into - and that goes back into the wealth of the whole. Now, what is wrong with EA though? Or why does it hurt when it goes against Blizzard? "EA said" they made a mistake. And a pretty grave one it is. I had some words on mind, but now just thinking of it - the thought won't move ... but ... its dark and bulky, a huge dark stack of money, ... and I think I have to address it before I can write what I wanted to.
From the perspective of a Jim Sterling the issue is that 'such things' should not be in any game, ever, period.
Now I can forgive Blizzard - but generally I yet also find grounds against it. I don't like others showing the hot stuff they got for money, though that in itself is a culture ... lets call it ... schoolyard culture. So do I buy me my Street Fighter thingies. Others basically pay soccer stickers. Or such. The same we can transfer upon Collectible Card games and ... Battlefront 2?
Shadow of War?
We can see the abilities in Battlefront 2 as a deck of abilities represented by Cards. So it is a 'collectible card game'. Isn't it? Minutia? Trivialities? But what about Shadow of War? Isn't it just like a tabletop Orc collection?


Fact of the matter though is that EA so wants money for something that has classically and otherwise still is considered 'part of the package'. Is that good, or is it bad? Well. Shadow of War ... thats just a silly excuse and the beginning of the 'uprise' of what people have been concerned about for quite some time. It would set a precedent in what could be done and others would have to follow suit to keep up and that would change the face of gaming. "Tabletop Gaming" would starve out eventually. And professional gaming? Well, Stracraft 2 is deeper - and in my mind more interesting than LOL and DOTA combined - these two even emerge from the mother of Starcraft 2. Lets call it that. Yet they "steal away" the spotlight in their simplicity.

So - there's that slope. And at some point it punishes you for being the better "person". The one who's willing to put more sugar into their food wins the price.

To some, 'Live gaming' is the 'new' Tabletop gaming and one 'should' be taxed for it.

But suppose we didn't need any money to explore all these options - adding some fake currency to satisfy the basic needs of gambling within an economy - what would we do? What would be done 'just to make money' - and what would be done 'for the sake of gaming'? Well - this again is skewed in comparison. In this scenario the consumer 'has' a given budget - by mere virtue of being a gamer. 'Fake currency'. Some maybe earned through in-game achievements, others as part of the package. [The best way to end an out-of-control inflation: burn all the money]

Economy. ... What is it? Well ... a monopoly that relies on income is pretty screwed when it is brittle within. See, it will need an income to sustain itself - and where that is to pay people, that money in turn translates into various goods. Food for instance. If certain goods become scarce, their prices go up; And so the needs of the individual grow too. Thus more money is to be invested, so as prices keep growing, while being required to raise prices in order to keep up. What happens in the end is ... "everyones "best" guess".


Who the Ori are - and Origin:

Episode 19.

The Ori are ascended beings. Individuals who turned into pure energy. These are highly evolved beings at first, so much they could already do as much as magic. Also their sciences has been 'maxed out' - and their minds so well versed about all these things that they became norm and then boredom. With nothing left to discover - some had been "outstanding" enough to ascend.

Ever since they had become Legend.

Yet vastly unknown were their origins. One society that split into two. Ones seeking refuge in a far away galaxy where they got known as 'the Ancients'. Those that remain would come to be known as 'the Ori'. Imposing as Gods they spread a message through their book by which believers are encouraged to act on behalf of their own, wielding their own will in their obedience. "The man who drew a Line in the Sand". Not the Ori, not a Prior, but a main of faith whom the Ori had watched. "Those that travel on the path ..." ... . It is a very real promise, as each Prior is a testament to their truth. Even so that those standing out in the book as true followers of the Ori are alive and amongst them. They ... can raise the dead.

They so watch upon whats going on. "The Ori see all". And manifest themselves from time to time. Maybe they even do so undercover. "The Darkness". And "all those who embrace evil". Those that do not travel the path. So are there those that do not believe in the Ori. They uncovered evidence that goes against whats written in the book of Origin. They are portrayed as the enemy, because the path of Origin preaches righteousness, unison, all that is good. 'Enlightenment'. Being as the Ori - with the Ori - united with them ... in the fire?

The profile of a 'true believer' fits that of a deluded individual that fantasizes about a glorious afterlife, dreaming of heroism; Zealous enough about it to become one of their warriors. So was Tomin, a crippled man who had been humble and faithful throughout his life - an ideal Choice ... or ... a plot hole? Why was he not healed already?

However. As far as the ascended are ahead of mortals, as much more we must suppose their ability to fool them is. They can promise and give vast insight - yet keep them confined in a state of worship. The book of Origin is most likely however to compensate for the 'obvious'/inevitable facts. So there is the world and there is good and evil - and those that prove themselves worthy will have a better living in their next incarnation. Probably. So are there now those that became Priors. And above them is the Doci - and we must assume that he holds more power than a Prior. He would so be 'the Ultimate warrior' who so dedicated his Life to the Ori to fight for them as long as it will take.

So, the Ori. The "Ancients", intimately known as 'the Alterans' - went a different way. They believed that they must not interfere into the lower planes. Any way of doing so would turn them into Gods to them, and they would not take that upon themselves. Some however would have a different idea. It wasn't their fault - but those that would associate to some 'vision' didn't associate to that 'codec'. So, where the purpose has been one that didn't defy the main rule of non-interference - the ascended Alterans could not disagree with these motives nor actions. But still meant to make sure that no boundaries were crossed.

Merlin saw that he could leave stuff behind to eventually help someone against the Ori should they somehow follow their trails. Morgan, well, she saw things unfold and figured that they had a common interest. She wouldn't impose as a deity by supporting those that had a great enough understanding of their reality while they would be "just an inch" short in succeeding on their quest.

We know of 'the Ancients' that they may appear in a physical Form. This we also see of the Ori in the ending. Also are there those that act. And these either go for, or against them. The Ori would so allow people to work in their name, most likely to not bother about governing themselves. And if they could set an example one way or another ... they would.
The Alterans on the other end, they wouldn't "hide" their existence, but they wouldn't really 'shout it out loud' either. Some would know more than others while most would simply know nothing. That which is known is mostly of a few ... well, Oma Desala and Merlin. And Morgan. Well, Morgan fought against Merlin - but eventually ... Merlin won ... (the argument).

So Morgan would watch. And one day ... maybe ... it would be helpful. Call it ... 'a science experiment'.

So, it is Morgan - while, looking at it otherwise - as though the Alterans randomly interfered - that would add cynicism to their vein as it would instill bitterness within those that knew. Or believed ... in something. To them, Daniel is in danger of trusting them too much. Believing in that higher power that is real and could objectively help them. He also knows of non-interference, ... but within this, he is in this strange 'mid-level' - and Oma Desalas point apparently must be that of ... socializing. The question - whether this separation must be final? Why not allow those that would seek Enlightenment to find it?

Therein the awful similarity to the Ori stands revealed. Daniel was one of those who made it. Who passed Desalas test. And Daniel ... he ... as Anubis ... would use their powers to interfere. Of course! Their ties to the lower planes were simply too much. The driving factors of their existence - that which the Alterans had lost eventually.

The Tau'Ri are on their way of getting there themselves. With the "memory device" (S9E12&E14) ... they have the first building block to an 'education singularity' - for the lack of a better description. This now is where Oma might have a point. They have it - as did Anubis, probably. After all, that tech was synthesized from the Gua'Uld. And they, well ... 'mind control' is right down their alley. Maybe though they're intellectually not as far advanced as they would think. Too egocentric ... maybe. Blind of seeking further knowledge, ... . Only a few of them thought that way. "Drunken of the World" we might say.

And those that follow them? Incapable of resisting, as those that resist would all be decimated. The Ori do not need to rely on brute force to get people to worship them. By making themselves scarce they institute a realm of normality wherein primitive life would be possible. This is true for both of them.
One growing up would so have to ponder upon reality, why it is that this powerful being is in charge of everything. They are there to 'regulate' - maybe - and as this doesn't make sense to everybody and the "caretakers" disagreeing with each other, that led to conflict. War further drives their economy. It is a simple fact that the Gua'Uld are there - and Jaffa - well, they get born with Gua'Uld in their stomach. They are an extension of their might. They give them strength and a long life. They are to enforce their masters bidding, while the riddles of reality led some onto ... tricky grounds. Teal'C eventually however saw a line between Good and Evil being crossed - another Entity worthy of challenging the Gua'Uld - and crossed the Line.

This we might say is 'Gods' equivalent to "a Tomin". Teal'Cs message to Tomin is his legacy. Fighting for others. Not for ones self. Fight for what is just. It is Gods because there is no God. So, there is no other but ... 'true Origin'.

Well, I can assure you that I'm not driven by an afterlife vision. Well, I do have some vision or idea of what 'the afterlife' is - but that is merely conjecture. Maybe an excuse? Well, the thing is ... I'm alone. I don't have that ... thing ... that I would need to make statements of 'our society'. Which is at least some resemblance of an actual society. But as I live paycheck to paycheck I live from now to then - I do what I do because it must be done. The truth ... that I found ... I have to share. What else should I do? Keep it to myself?

So, there is a God. But you would miss Him unless you knew Him in truth. Knowing Him in truth will bid you towards baptism. Do you see the Light? Can you ... travel the path?

Episode 20 - at 35 (36:20) minutes - the audio - up to - 36:48.

Baptism will lead you towards true Enlightenment. So is it made sure from the start that it is God that you seek. There is no enlightenment greater that that of partaking in the wisdom and grace of God, other than that of God himself. It is in His immensity, in His 'one-ness', be as within all that exists - that there is the truth of what is 'the Highest' - he whoms will no-one can defy.

It is only Him whom you must seek - all else - is as the dust between the Stars.

He is the one you may find at the bottom of your deepest depth - and so as the ruling force within everything that is around you. It is He who created the Universe by withdrawing his will from substance He had creating, leaving it to its own inherent "will" ... 'energy' ... honoring us as humans. Creations allowed to exist in freedom. It is ours to repent from our doings and seek attachment to our root - the one, the only true and ultimate root of everything. Except for math maybe.

Trust in Him, ... and you trust in the Father of reality. The one who forever has ever been. He who conceived Everlasting Life within its wisdom - and stretches His infinity out upon eternity. And we - we are to understand it. We are to understand Him if we are to understand the fundamental truths of our existence.


And yea, of course there are promises for a 'glorious' future as well. But just dreaming of it won't do it. We have to find ourselves in the Light of God - working as individuals, together in unison. And those that seek conflict ...

... must seek it in competitive recreational activities. Else ... I mean they have to get lost. We can see it in parable so often. Kain and Abel, Romulus and Remus, Romulus and Vulcan, Ori and Alterans. The one will not be safe from the other until the other either stops being such a douche or again the other finds a safe haven.

Who gets the spoils ... is down to us. Down to how we decide our fate. As individuals, or as collective.

"Come join the "Mothership "Army""" - or toss us away. But be aware, it is us who were right in this matter. And you would as much know what you are to expect and why. After all, God to my knowledge is a good and caring being. In a ... beyond-ish way, but ... never lets one down! And what about ... ? Evil? Pain? Torture? ... Suffering? Maybe God is inflicting pain unto those that had inflicted pain before - and merely uses wrongdoers to do so. And what it all comes down to? Well ... isn't that a mystery that ultimately revolves around our individualities? And how we interact with each other? There are those who are lost between the circumstances, those that 'act', ... and those that "just 'live"'. Let us come together and learn of God. Let us make contact and see as a society how God continues to unfold amongst as within us.

S10E1 32:44 - 50

The true Light is within us. Hidden beyond a veil - and there is only One who can unveil it. No matter how close our descriptions and visualizations would get - it is worlds apart from the reality they are meant to reflect.

@ 37 minutes.

The crusade truly began as Orici was old enough ... no! Until there were enough worshipers in the Milky Way galaxy to sustain her power as an individual, and grow in strength while extending her reach. Introvertedly ... a wilde beast, a snakey selfish mind - fulfilling what they see as their destiny. Imposing as Gods - destroying all that might threaten their story.

Episode 2:

What happened previously, with the Knight, that was the point of decision. Morgan was to decide whether the sword 'could' get drawn, while it functions as the only weapon capable of destroying that Knight without causing collateral damage to the System which is supposedly protected by Morgan as well.

She was to decide whether it is worth revealing the secret of the sword, if there is someone found worthy of wielding it in first place. After that, the Library would be open - thats ... 'the issue'. So, it is as a miracle that this would fall in line with the impeding invasion by the Ori. Now those that gained access to the library have to prove that they are worthy of the knowledge that lies ahead. And well, eventually the duality just continues.

Now, a secret "thing" of mine is to envision a secret alliance - originated between O'Neill and the Asgard, Teal'C and others. There is an episode that envisions Daniel as a maniac - and as the story unfolds the potential of might grows. It is the question for what this power will do. It is however not unprecedented that 'Aliens' took stance amidst us to promote certain individuals upon others. An 'exclusive club' if you so will. That then comes with certain ... hidden advantages. Or how could a human go toe to toe with a Sudan warrior?

So, the 'good guys' are those who find favor in their eyes. As part of the Alliance it is their interest to help us on a good path. So they decide who remains in the inner circle. Who keeps the secrets. Well, eventually it is all leaking anyway - but secret outposts ... are secret outposts. But - keeping it a secret, might mean there isn't always access to it.

Mistrust? Who is who? Allies? Enemies? Sides and Frontiers? Who saved whom and did what or ... who knows and who doesn't and what is known where and what do people do with it? How does 'trial of death' sound?

Before we can truly be one, certain boundaries between one another must fall. And there is one that only God can break down. That which includes us within His society. Being His friends. Included within.

How does trial of death sound? Not good?

Well, eventually - for some - certain principles go beyond the contemporary. Well, Mitchell certainly 'earned' his spot as part of the team by barely surviving in rescue of SG1.

Uh ... where are we?


Projection. The End.

How China does or doesn't make it to the table. Considering a personal audience with the Asgard - or whoever gets to decide what - the Chinese set of beliefs, as much as any other, might sound pretty good. But whats really coming, thats what matters.



Shit-Flippin' theory

General StuffPosted by Nicole Fri, May 11, 2018 04:57:22

[Mushroom vs. Carpet?]

I think I know whats happening. It happened again - and thats odd! Thinking about it - I only know of 'the one' incident I mentioned previously. So, that makes 3 total. Maybe there was another - but I don't really recall any of it.

So, I got a little mad yesterday. All of a sudden I was depressed and started to punch "him/them". Usually when I do that I get my steam off and then they return the favor and I just can't find any sleep. So I had this "Oh no, this ain't gonna end well" type of 'comment' popping up in my head, again, ... but I then just continued what so far had worked for me before. Its become somewhat easy for me to find the right points and what to do with them - did what I did and then went to bed. All was fine! I didn't sleep for that long I guess, but long enough to dream; And as I woke up I still had the 'thing' held up.
The dream; Well - it was some weird story. In the end though, someone so tried to frame me ... after I called the police as I saw someone die. That person had almost died before and the police was there as well. Some final destination type of thing. Its really weird. However - the person I saw dieing was myself. Basically. So, I was framed for killing myself; After calling the cops on having seen myself die by accident.

Thinking about the first incident - I don't know what I was doing but with the suggestions I had on mind this morning I figure that it must have been at around that time where I was doing well in Starcraft 2. The thing is - what I think they try to do in physical terms could be compared to inverting a sock. But if they ... "can't get the wrap" ... uh ... . Well, thats what you'd be doing - as a noob. You might try stuff but you're eventually going to flip a little thing ... like the size of a glove ... while the whole thing is more like a church-bell or whatever. So, by not 'grasping' the whole thing - or as it "outpowers" you - you can't really do what you'd want to do.

Anyway. So - I just woke up, opened YouTube and saw that Israel started war with Iran. And I think thats kindof ... what really bothers me. Where those 'neverending' nuisances are coming from or attached to. The point is/were that there are people that are doing their thing - regardless of what I do. Although, maybe I annoy them and make them more eager to do their thing. While doing that they would so "flare" and try to get the support of people.

Check this out:

So, the report is clearly that Israel started; While in the US that part is skipped and they go on to condemn Iran for "launching missiles" (retaliating). So, on that end now people in the US would get upset and join "the fire" that rages against Iran. How much support there is matters. Because the truth matters. We should be upset about Israel and the USA. But they do have this 'dominant narrative' going on which is primarily strengthened by their respective leaders being what they are. So, while Netanyahu and Donald want to fight against Iran - whatever they speak is kindof the dominant thing there. They deny all criticism and stuff like that.

So, what I then feel - as the thing that bothers me - is how the "fire spreads" - and what I do is essentially trying to feed it right back (up their asses). Or so changing the sides of the narrative. So - who the bad guys are. In this sense - those where the fire is coming from. They spit the fire and by that people would see Iran as the villain. Some would or might or 'do' say that this is counter-productive; Because if we expose the bad guys as the bad guys they have no reason to hold back. But in the same time they cannot act as though they were the good guys. The acts might remain the same, but the people react differently.

On another note would I like to mention that I think the Revelation of John is nonsense. At least a large part of it. I think it was hacked together from what the Roman Catholic church originally ceased from Christians which it then published to have an argument that would get people onto their side. Part of its might be true, others however not so much. Specifically Chapter 13 - possibly. I have that weird "feeling" that things were 'inverted' - basically.

History: The revelation of John was "released" 200 AD - while the gospels and the letters date back to around 50-60 AD. In regards to 'dating methods' - I'm not sure. But from what I understand there are various methods. When digging out stuff, generally speaking comparisons are made to know in about how old a layer of soil is. As I understand a lot of the 'dates' regarding cultures in Middle-America depend on some star related records; So - we could calculate 'how long ago' something was made and from there extrapolate. In regards to Christian writings I think a lot depends on contemporaries. Like, which people were around during which era and who referenced whom and stuff like that. It would be interesting to see whether or not there are papers we say date back to 50/60 BC and how old carbon dating says they are.

Has something like that been done?
If we find a Christian writing that is older than 1700 years, the Phantom Time theory can be considered debunked. The alternate explanation were that Christ died a century or two earlier, at which point we're back at 1900/2000 - or, 450 bc was more like 650 bc, so - some double nonsense going on.

But back to the topic - I wonder how this relates to my gender. I mean - as far as I can tell it does.

So was there the point where the Astair topic became a bit of a larger one. I would call it "the break out". And one of the earlier things I found was something of a shell surrounding me. Often enough I didn't know what to do. So I did the things I could think of, felt successful enough to call it a day but ... "something". One of the boundaries that I encountered was a shell around the shell. The idea is kindof like asking who the bigger person is. By volume. So, who embraces whom in the physical realm. And so the more outward I would go within myself the 'heavier' a certain boundary became. Although I could sortof peep outside I however didn't find a way through.

I've let things rest for a while and eventually this shell bothered me again and I tried again - after I re-practiced certain things that followed up to the sword thing I wrote about in the main Astair article. Particular the one thing I was really bad at. Anyway. I tore one thing apart ... where, the point for me there is 'the strength to envision its falling apart'. So, you tear it apart and then you either believe that it falls apart or you doubt it. That way it either does crumble or come back together. There however are still cracks I suppose, either way, but the strength of keeping them vs. the strength of closing them "generates" whether the cracks are actually serious. Yet so are there cracks and as I created them I can get back into them and try to make them larger.

At some instances there's also intellectual content that matters. So, breaking an 'idea' thats critical to a system would be more "auto devastating" than smacking at 'armor' sotospeak.

So, I got rid of one hull, then another - and then I started to struggle. So - there was resistance. And then there was a later that wasn't like the ones before. Instead of having one 'chunk' that could fall apart rather easily it was more brittle. So, it wasn't like a metal sphere that once broken was broken, but more like stone in that a crack would tear out a bit of the whole - so - getting through that would prove to me more difficult.

But - looking for a way I first tried to get to the other side - get an outside look - and eventually I got the idea. Why not cast cracks into it, like ... the "roots" of a Mushroom colony? So I did - and thats where I'm at now. Give or take.

Its weird - as - at this level I also dealt with my gender identity. And at first I felt like I couldn't grasp a clear thought on that. I tried "male", I tried "female" - but that wouldn't take me anywhere. I then came to a moment of inward reflection - basically 'grew' my "from the ground up" experiences into it; And that magically crumbled the whole layer.

Now the situation is that I think that since I woke up I slipped somewhere and that manifests as one brace of some dungarees - attached to one of my shoulders. The image attached to that is Urien, from Street Fighter, ... and now I have a deja-vu.

Its all there. Except that I so far didn't mention the other two images part of this mess. Theres a weird figure with a strange hat and Cammy from Street Fighter. I suspect though that this is some "end game" stuff. The images that remain are somewhat those with the strongest ... most weight 'left'. Urien so is somewhere in the middle ground. Regarding my association with him - I thought about learning him but I kindof didn't. I think he's there because he's still more of a bad guy. Cammy would come out on top because Rose isn't there yet. She was there on my mind as part of the previous "shit flip" - to a point that she'd have been in the headline; Had I done that, so I eventually nerfed her? The 'strange hat' is one thats been around for some time. Its like ... when slicing an egg in half the long side. Those ... rebel dudes in Star Wars have similar ones, just that the long side is pointing forward. In the context it appeared on my mind it was associated to Aliens and now I think that the symbolism of that hat is "the first species" - so - when we go back and backer, those that were there 'in the beginning' - as the first.

So, according to this - and if the deja vu is relating to some premonition - there so would be the bad ending where I didn't get that final layer down and now would be struggling "as cammy" being "overtaken by Urien" with some weird lampshade figure laughing/smiling down at me.

... Only on ... ^^ OMG.

You can't tell this to anyone! Seriously! But now this 'brace' is pissing me off!

[Shit Flippers {}]
["Enrage" {}]
[Street Fighter vs. Astair
1 {}
2 {}
3 {}
4 {}]
[Astair {}]


General StuffPosted by Nicole Thu, May 10, 2018 05:44:24

12 hours ago I was asleep - or waking up. I had a dream that somehow juggled itself into my "forehead" as I was snoozing out (waking up) and though the first conscious thoughts I had was that I had a really important thing I should write about, I deconstructed it while gaining consciousness.

So I had no topic actually for the day - and thats all fine with me. Although it might seem like I make it out to be an every day struggle of mine - I don't really need it that badly. Yet I'm writing on it, ... so yea. Be it as it may.

I had similar things before. And it is clear to me that these events are there to be ignored. I mean; One day I woke up feeling all significant and empowered to really write about something important - but the image I had was a Terran Command-center using Chrono Boost on itself. For outsiders: Chrono Boost is an ability of the Protoss faction within a game called Starcraft 2. Terrans are another faction and they don't have Chrono Boost.

So whenever such things happen I "get it" - that someone's messing with my mind. Or something.
I however still recall the central "item" that would be the topic; Which is all about the things we value and how we might determine our ethical backgrounds from that. In a bit more depth - the dream I had was some Walking Dead style Cannibal trap thing going on. At the end I came to value progressivism as 'the' thing - the one 'good' thing - but thats bullshit! You can create a perfectly progressive society and in the walking dead just need some progressive psychos to let it all go down the shithole.

The dense imagery that emerged from the dream converged around 'items' - stones with guts in them - being thought of as things one could 'hold' in order to basically convince others of ones own good intentions.

But I have a better thing to write. A question: What is the leader of Enlightened people supposed to do?

Can he in fact assume a position of superiority upon them?
And how enlightened is he who in order to comply with this bullshit transfers the privileges of enlightenment over to a leader?

In the System I imagine there in deed is a place for someone most powerful upon others. I called it 'Delta Commander'. The way it works though is that people are to tell him what to do. Like a cursor, basically. We could also call it "opinion police". In essence someone who by modern standards would spend most of his time watching YouTube while promoting and demoting things as he sees fit; While also having all the connections to all the important things as to avoid communication problems.

And so ... there is the weakspot of the whole thing. We could call it "hate speech". Some group of people having an opinion that the Delta Commander would oppose, then some enigmatic/charismatic leader rising up against him and while he's at it re-arranging the whole system to get some "good old" Dictatorship going. And once that turns into an Enlightened vs Unenlightened thing ... yea ... that'd be the end of the story I believe.

The Universe might continue to exist for those that get out of hell on probation, basically, to at some point eventually discover the wisdom of old. Who knows? I however like this idea - the thought that "Judgement Day" or whatyawannacallit does not 'end the world' - but that as written in the Revelation ... things will simply be renewed. At the very least to so hold this concept to myself: "Star Trek and beyond". But sure, on the other end I also like the idea of there being some definite end of some kind.

Could we talk about Climate Change here? Like, yea - certainly getting rid of pollution might be a good thing God could do - and so all the polluters are right? Well - not really! It won't matter 'that much' - but being mindful about our environment is ... just general decency in my opinion.

But so - what are enlightened people gonna do? I'd say they'd look for a way to get things done together. I mean, ... the existence of bullshit is pretty much dependent on shitting bulls - basically. /

Adjustment Matrix

General StuffPosted by Nicole Wed, May 09, 2018 11:47:36

[Because Superstars can't be trusted?]

Astair ... what is it? A Telepathic phenomenon or just a psychosis? I really wonder! Some time ago I wrote about it and came to link one of my own Videos into the article - and that made me sour. I felt it - I had the absolute certainty that the views on that video basically wouldn't go up. I wrote there that I'd try something and after that I felt a bit better. Probably I just fixed the thing in my head so I could let go. But so, that wasn't an act of reasoning. It was an act of brute force, basically.

I'd say that if you like someone and then feel insecure, thats also part of it. But sure - some people want to object to that and loudly so - I mean, as my next step of argument is that there are others where this insecurity "magically" isn't there. Rather you feel like enchanted. Compelled to adore them in some way. Well, ... sometimes you just got to eat shit until you can't.

Hmm. OK - then, I "apparently" am Transsexual. I have to write about it so because everything else gives me a strange vibe. So, nobody believes that I actually 'am' transsexual. Well, it matters to 'me' - believe it or not! The point is that I was ... I guess describing it won't matter. The point is that I "saw the Light" - the one thing that would fix my life - but I acted against it. I swallowed it up, turned around and thought "maybe another day". By which I mean that I so suppose that 'you' are ... "fundamentally screwed". Its like ... you're walking through a desert and then there's a bottle of water and you're really really thirsty. You know you want to drink it - but instead you swallow your thirst down and pass it by. Because its "the right thing to do".

Do you get any emotional vibes from this? Like, believing me, not believing me, ... stuff like that? How is it? I mean - do we know each other?

Yea, some might "Golden Chain" you into believing that there is, as i say, this telepathic field of ... whatever ... "higher consciousness" and by all the information available you could conclude that you ought to believe me or not. Why one would be valid above the other - I could tell you what I think, ... but thats your life. I'm part of your videogame ... basically.

There's a strange thing with Keanu Reeves going on in my head. Just like this Astair stuff. I don't know him - and thats fundamentally clear to me. Each twitter round I so had the impression that he'd check out what I got. But each time it was as though he did so for the first time. The problem is, what can I do about it? Ultimately I can only ignore it and never try again. Else, its a cycle of doom. I try ... I think this way or that way ... and once nothing happened I either believe that stuff is going on or I accept that nobody knows or cares or whatever and try again. And while I think that this is 'perfectly healthy' although "troubled" - some would call it a psychosis and lock me away for ever having dared to speak out!

Some call "it" 'the Mission' - so, the thing each and every Christian is supposed to do. When I say it - its: I have a "message" I want to "share with the world".

I could tell you about it. About 'why' I'm not a good and obedient Mormon and doing my Mission there. But ... that would mean you had to think - and if you were able to comprehend, I wouldn't need to write about it 'again'.

I think though that I know Keanu. I think I know everybody. And I think that other people think they do that too. And end up calling 'me' delusional. But well. On the other side I know "Keanu" from watching the Matrix and getting this impression that he's the evil guy behind those movies and that the movies have actually just been a huge "Illuminati" Sex Party of some sort. Well, you get there in stages. At first you maybe thinking that Hollywood is normal business and so the movie is no different to any other movie and so Keanu is just an actor. So if you want to think evil into him there isn't much that could support it. Then we could take Persephone. Uh. Monica. Now, I have to refer to myself, but that'll mess things up a little. So, I'll put [me] in brackets. So, Monica is "supposed to" be with [me] (the good guy) - and now there's this kissing scene between them. So, now he has a motive - but no power to pursue it ... "except" we bend things around to make sense like that.
The same has happened to me with Stargate SG1. First you have to think that the Stargate is actually real, ... and that SG1 is real as well - but that the real SG1 actually has teamed up with the Gua'Uld and just pretends being the heroes. Makes the whole thing nearly unwatchable. Although Mitchell is I guess 'strange' enough to make the whole thing a little less believable.

Is that the force telling me the truth? Or why is it getting so 'dense'?
It might be my own energy that I put into liking things that then by a few twists of thoughts turns negative.

So, thinking about that Video of mine; Or my channel. I would so be in a good mood writing things, having that feeling that everything is going well - and so Videos I link in - well, they already have views and will certainly get more. So, there's nothing odd. But at the point where I link my own video in I get ... "softlocked". I see no traffic at all - and I would blame my readers for not checking it out; And all that positive energy that I had all of a sudden goes ill. I want to believe I have readers - and not having any ... well ... Hello? ... is the problem I can't get around.

So, you can call me psychotic all the way you want. If you cannot come up with 'reason' - you're the one thats psychotic! In my book!

So, I don't know you; You don't know me - and we both don't know if we ever want to have contact. Everyone thinks that if its the good thing 'someone' will be doing something - and thus nobody is gonna do anything. And there 'our' problem - the problem of "us" the people which basically are 'fed up' by all the government/politics bullshit basically - is that those that 'do' are busy 'doing' ... business. Or, "the 'doers' are 'doing' wrong" - so, who's left to do right? What 'can' {we} do?

This whole thing is messed up. As by my own perception. I could tell you about me and you'd tell me that I'm transsexual. But why can I not say it myself? Why does it feel wrong? Why is it that when I have the impression that people are arguing with me in their minds, that they see me as the bad guy? Why is it that I myself have difficulties believing that I am who I am?

Why is it that 90% of the things I believe in are stupid excuses I think are made up by someone to ignore the things that I'm doing?
I mean - I write something, have an argument; Lets just boil it down to the Matrix thing; And what I end up believing in is that it isn't 100% clear whether or not it was entirely made by man. So, along that narrow thing where its all about ... what it means. But the point is that it is about the RNG - not the record of it. The RNG happening 'live'. I mean, lets say we had a mechanical Random Number Generator and a list of tracks so everyone can check that this is true random. We then record it, share it - and then all evidence of the mechanical side disappeared. So, whats the argument? That we can't figure out whether it was made by man or that we need to do it once more for the RNG?
Both is correct - in a way. So I'm compelled to believe in the one thing although its entirely superfluous. A huge stinkin' pile of bullshit.

It is for things like this that I believe that there's more about Taylor Swift than what meets my eye. As I've written about. I however feel ... torn ... or tormented ... like I need to let go of it. And maybe I do. For her sake. I believe that whatever I like is getting disliked and what I dislike is getting liked. So, maybe I should become a Trump supporter.
People that don't like Trump don't do so because of emotional reasons! That I'm pretty sure about! Maybe emotional - but that established on some intellectual base. If you value protection of our ecosystem for instance - Trumps right out the window. Booted. "You're fired!".
But the issue here is ... super weird. So, no matter how I feel about her - God to me dismisses her as "not baptized" and thats how I get to have some distance. But still there is something. And eventually she's just too on point with a lot of things about me for me to really take her really seriously. But so she's either really 'that' person - as in her Delicate video - ... I mean, not only do I 'feel' that way, I've done all the silly things myself at some point. Hmm, OK - the one thing is from a Charlie Sheen movie. And who doesn't?
And so is the road to realizing my own delusion. Again.

But so, life is hard! I feel like thats a controversial thing in the whole Matrix thing. Its by the way one of those arguments someone "had" with me and anyway. I hear it so often. I was talking to that Neurologist regarding my eating disorder - and I wrote of it too. They don't seem to want to help me. So she's like "what can I do?" and if I make a suggestion like a health cure, like - yea, to gain some weight if hospitals don't want to do it - and all she has to offer is "health cure from doing nothing?".

No ... at some point its got to be a health cure from STUPID FUCKING PEOPLE LIKE THAT!

OK. [Calm Down]. Inevitably you must notice that I have an agenda. OK? If that hits you as a surprise ... what do you think this whole daeryabaar thing is about? My ego? So, people don't even read a word and assume they know everything? Could that be 'my actual problem'? Oh, those page 2 things. I mean, the link there is so obscure ... so hidden ... so inaccessible ... and still people would find it as 'the first' thing - I assume. Before reading a single word. And my argument of "taken out of context" is not valid?
So, I have an agenda and it is there inside of the words. It may be "disguised" within a story - but telling my story to me were the best way to get the thing across. To also say that I don't magically know everything. I had to 'do' stuff and 'go through' stuff to get there.

So, I have this interest in sharing my findings with "you" - and I hope that something good would come of it. If this is too complex for you - go back and read up on it! I'm serious! The fuck are you doing here anyway? OK OK - suit yourself. But still! Don't forget it! Else you're just here for your own amusement on my cost - eventually - and sorry; I wrote those things so that I wouldn't have to repeat myself over and over again.

So I have an interest or investment in "things" round about 'the thing' *UNIFICATION* ... and if thats not going anywhere, its pissing me off! Naturally. So, one stone in the backpack. Then there are thoughts that bother me. I write something ... like this. Then I spot a mistake or feel a need to update on some things - and so I spend hours upon hours writing shit that probably nobody is going to read ever; Day screwed, evening screwed, its early in the morning or late at night or even noon - and I got to go to sleep.

Fix my life? Yea. Wouldn't it be fine? Thats what I would call "doing nothing". In regards to what my goals are. Just "screw it" - leaving all of this behind - so, giving it up, ... . Yea, then you might say that I have an easy life. Or no reason to complain that it is 'hard'. Although even that is easily bullshit.

How can I ... ? OK, lets say that if I did things differently things were easier for me. Wanna switch places? "And he will not rest until he has established righteousness on earth!" ... now ... good luck with that! Oh ... can't be me!? I only happen to be the guy who has the signs ... but ... anyway ... "who cares!"?

I don't? You sure about that?
Wanna find out?

... thats what I thought!

And now something serious at the end? How about Antichristians and the "Evil Seal"? While I was writing - yea, I did that - about how to be worthy for Unification - yea, I did that (one of the things that were necessary, something I had to write about, to make sense of it for myself; And that didn't happen until I've written in length about a whole lot of stuff. Someone could have just told me: Uhm, how about that? - but yea ... 'who' ... could have? I see nobody!) - I figured that that might actually work for the Antichrist. But what I saw was ... as though he were incapable of it. And now I wonder. Could that be it? The "Fuck You" from God? Locked away to remain a wrong-doer until ... well, all the people he's hurt and done injustice to are redeemed? I mean, it is however one thing that'd come with repentance. Dropping all the bullshit.

Oh, why I'm asking?
Should I know?
How should I know?
God telling me?
Did I ...


If God were telling me things to tell you I'd be telling you those things. And there's a difference between God communicating with me the way He does and two people talking. If God dictated an essay to me - I could give that to you. Thats what I'm saying. God does however not do that! Thats ... part of my story! I had to 'discover' things; They weren't told to me!

And thats something I would here and there mention as a good thing. At the very least is this so not going to turn into a dictatorship where you have to believe me because I say so. But "how"? ... is it really that important? There are things that are definite - a.k.a. Baptism and Unification - and if thats too much for you to comprehend ... try harder!

How I know? I know that I got in and that since then everything changed for me. The problem is that I'm alone. The Bible says: Wherever there are two or more assembled in my name, I will be amongst them. So, just 'one' argument on that note. Wanna debate? What God should or shouldn't do? Like you know any of it? "But how should 'we' know then?". How? If I just told you? How would you know? So, you're the idiot because God didn't dictate your shit to you! Thats the conclusion then, right?

Anyway. The question whether 'they' are "Fuck You"'d by God or not has an interesting side-effect. You can feel bad for both. For being amused about it or for having sympathy with them. Will they change? At some point their time will have run out. They might think they're lost and thus double down on their nonsense - and how to ever stop them from that? Is it just their own delusion or did they give up freedom to become a part of that evil union? Anyway ... it has long been foretold ... to say that whatever doubling down they are into doing will not ultimately be 'too much' for the rest.

I however wouldn't want to say that its "over". But straight enough - if you're not one of them you're free; I suppose - and you might not realize that you're good to go because you're waiting for some "feeling". You should "reflect before God". There's no way around asking for His help. And if you got told that God doesn't want that ... think again! "But why would he not ..." >... whatever! Give a fuck! Who cares? Just do it for crying out loud! Or are you too proud? Afraid that it would diminish your glory? Well, it can't be as terrible as flatout going the wrong way and that with determination! "Hot and Cold". So, wrongdoing is now the right thing? So, if you're 'cold' - a.k.a. bad on purpose - thats ... good? Do you even know what you're doing? If the answer is akin to "who cares?" - that sounds more like lukewarm to me!

And so I got a new 'thing' I got to push to the frontpage. Some "meditation advise". And this means that I have another fetch-quest on my objectives ... and I'm long past the point where I'd suggest that its "just that". Just like so! I'm not even done with this and 'already' have something else to work on. Not regarding all the other things I still have on mind but not quite actively so. So, FUCK YOU if you think my life is easy!

Oh yea, and if I ever had the time I might want to dig through all the stuff I've written and put it into a better form.

But then ... maybe this is good enough for 'meditation advise'. Depends on ... how I'll "feel". Because: Once God does give me thoughts to write about, they are there in my spirit and energized so I can write about them. If instead there is 'no' 'binding energy' - and the issue looks too convoluted - I guess its gonna take some while before I figure out 'what' I need to know in order to get going with that. Thats ... my 'work' at this point; While 'actually' my goal is to decode the Sealed Scriptures ... but ... I don't see that happen anytime soon. Not in this mess of a situation. And thats a thing too! Just thinking about it gets my screwed. Space is important too. Because whenever I close a book its closed. Eventually I have to sort it away. And then its forgotten and forgotten. There's no record - nobody to double check with - just nothing. And that is what I get from thinking about it. A strong confusion composed of lots of things and this being one of the more rational things I can take from that.

But yea, why don't I just swipe my desk clear? Would my desk be enough? I'm sure that if 'you' had to work on it - you couldn't fit all the people you'd need into this room! So ... just ... "shut up!".

And anyway! If you don't know what you're looking at its pointless anyway! So, there may be a passage you could understand in more than just one way ... what you do? Think about it? Good idea! But ... wouldn't that be too easy? I realized that after some time of growing I knew stuff - and therefrom I could understand certain parables. And I'd be flabbergasted if anyone could figure that out just by thinking/pondering on it. "Needless" P) to say that its pointless if you can't even get 'in' (Enlightenment/Unification ... sigh ... with the Allsurrounding Spirit/God/the Lord/whatever. "You probably know better" anyway)!

Yea, dealing with people like "you" is part of the job description! The catch though is that there is no direct interaction. So, go figure!

No! Seriously. I believe people will just go and say "No, you got to figure that out on your own!". The irony though is that the reverse is true! You got to figure things out for your own! I'm just doing you the favor of making things easier! "Derp Derp" (You call this easy?) - no ... 'easIER'. Try to figure all this out on your own! You're not a Mormon? Wouldn't even have suggested it? ... Thats one!

What sucks the most about God is that He's always right! You can't argue with this because 'the Matrix'.

Bona Fide!


General StuffPosted by Nicole Wed, May 09, 2018 07:05:24

[About the "3rd Strike"]

So, after 1 1/2 hours of King of my Castle and then some more - I feel like there's a lot to share but it isn't really ... 'worth it'. It may be a good example at some point, but right now it mostly just does one thing for me: This is 'not' it. So, as the few times before where I recorded something but didn't quite feel the need to share them - thats probably what happens once it isn't meant to be. And the "High Five" (although I wasn't high) get that done a lot better - as its actually worth showing.

So, not everything works with everything else always.
Kill Bill isn't an ideal movie for doing those things.

But I "got" decided to upload things anyway and do some hack recording to sum up the stuff I can't upload. "Purpose" ... is it. When a track plays, RNG selects the next, and whether it fits or not ... is irrelevant if it fulfills a purpose. Sotospeak.

But whatever.

3rd Strike. Well - this is what it to me would look like if I'm doing it wrong. The whole thing follows no rules, therefore has no boundaries and thus doesn't really make all that much sense. The Agent Game creates tension and adds purpose to the play in that it forces out an RNG sequence. Otherwise I might as well just let the whole thing run.

The issue was that I had certain things on mind that I thought that this next reel would have to feature, kindof went hunting for them and ultimately things began to calm me down again after I just let things run. So, that makes for 3 basic "disciplines". Playing the game, dilly-dallying around in the Matrix and just letting it play.

Beyond this there is I guess no point in trying any more. I mean. This is it. Either you see it or you don't. You take it or reject it. And so finally there is a sense of closure. "Every Alarm triggers the Bomb" - and thats what has happened. So ... although the magic is still real ... it goes the other way. Any arguments left to consider? 'Purpose'!

So, yea. If you got to say that I can't ... thats it! Thats what I just said! I can't ... though it happens anyway ... and now, I guess ... you wanted the mess, ... now you deal with it!

I mean, its already there. Or ... "still". The screwing around in me - like I 'have to have' that Kill Bill thing done right. But along with it there is a twisted feeling ... a spiral into hell sotospeak. What am I even trying there? Or what am I to expect? There's nasty stuff in there and one way or another its getting out; And thats not necessarily Musical material.
But seriously. What am I trying?
I can make personal experiments but with the need to record everything thats not so much fun. Not with this setup anyway. What I'm trying to prove I have proven ... and if you don't see it ... poor you!

So yea, what for? Either you expect me to fail ... or ... you don't. In the latter you got to deal with those that think the former, and the former won't be satisfied until the very end. "It would seem". And this one's probably as much of a failure as I'm capable of.

"Have fun!" (Hi Taylor! (Woooo!)) ... So, apparently Mr. K. Reeves is now considered to be the ... thing. Works for me! But really? I thought ... nobody gives a woop and I'm still talking to a wall. ... It never ends. I wonder who or whats next!

Too big

SidesteppingPosted by Nicole Tue, May 08, 2018 10:55:16
3,6 gigs are too large ... that now could take a while.

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