Hope is Love. That is true. More so than Love being Hope. "Hope is the quintessential Human delusion" - sais the Architect. "simultaneously the source of [our] greatest strength and [our] greatest weakness". I have discovered truth in this. Hope in a relationship builds Love. It is basically the prime aspect of 'growing Love'. While I look for an understanding concerning Love, I do look at its substance. How it came, how it affects me, how it interacts with my beliefs - finding the lines that distinguish between different kinds of Love and trying to give good advise as best as I can. This is primarily founded on negative experiences with it. Beyond those however, there is always "that Love" which is "not" the one I'd warn you of. "Hope" it seems. Maybe ignorance. The unwillingness to let go. But why? However - at the end of the day the one and only 'good advise' will always be that: "Go for it! (but be careful!)". Does the 'be careful' need to be a part of it? One might say yes, the other no. Some believe in the value of advises, others say that we have to make our experiences ourselves.
At the center of my representation stands a Card. The 9 of cups - which practically was at the bottom of my deck since I wanted to make sure that I get the number right. Well. According to the guide I have, some call it 'the wish card'. That a wish will come true. Then again it is however said that it could mean to 'look closer'. Since this card popped up in regards to someone I love I hoped that my wish would be fulfilled - already believing that it would have to - while at the same time being prepared, at least I thought so, to see it the other way. Well, however, I will 'take a closer look' at it today. I did. Already. Hope is Love.
But is Love more than just the consequence of Hope?
To get into that, I first want to |talk| some more about the Tarot itself.
I will try to elaborate on this by reflecting upon a bunch of ... lets call them Oracles ... that I've received during the last week, the events surrounding them and the events regarding them.
Recently "we" have discussed how the 10 of Swords:
expresses the functionality of Tarot. So in response to asking the Tarot about itself - at which point it shouldn't be considered weird or contradicting. Of course it would be contradicting if there were no such thing as higher powers. Then we so may ask God personally about whether practicing it is OK or not - yet, to expand the topic onto that: I've learned from God, about the Testimony (asking Him about stuff) that its no absolute answer. That of course doesn't apply onto the main Testimony; Well - which we need to begin with. However - to get it we already require the knowledge that will compose it. Later, the practicality of the Testimony equally boils down to things we cannot resolve on our own. Otherwise the answer is usually "ill conceived" and the 'real' answer will present itself in due time by other means. That means that we are to have an open mind in concern of the world surrounding us. #Science.
We so need not ask God of the truth of Gravity since Gravity is freely available to us. Although Newton wasn't 100% right, it was enough for the time and in due time "we learned" to resolve the conflicts contained in his theories by other means. That implied that we recognized the conflicts in this theory to begin with. #Einstein, #Mercury.
Now I have wisdom of another Card in the A.E. Waite Tarot Deck - and that card is 'Strength'.
My daily Oracle for today was this:
Which I usually lay in the evening prior to sleeping. Thinking about them so far in different ways. This time I was too tired to think about it at all, so I just took notes, took my little guide-book with me and looked at it as I found the time. By that time the Strength and Knight card did already conclude. And I didn't have a clue just prior to it. By the way: The text in that guide-book concerning the cards is written by 'Rachel Pollack'. I so far did find it generally difficult to interpret the Symbols, especially the cups. But we'll get into that later.
Now, the reason why I think the 'Strength' Card makes a good entry example to the nature of Tarot is, that I think that "its effect" already took place the moment I chose to delay an interpretation. In that sense, the Strength card issues, well, we can call it inner competence. Or childish naivety. Strength that simply comes from within. So in the idea a person that is curious about Oracles, gets one, can't deal with it and chooses to move on regardless - that behavior could already expressed by a variety of cards, no doubt.
And so is the nature of it. These cards simply contain images. By themselves vastly without meaning, but by the picture in combination with its title it begets meaning; And as part of an Oracle it may carry the same out.
However, I would say: Life is fluid. And during the average, uneventful day, these may already be too many cards to say something.
So, to catch up: 1 is the 'main aspect', 2 is the past, 3 is the "future", 4 is the root and 5 is "the crown". According to that booklet, text written by 'Johannes Fiebig'. Those are merely suggestions. If you don't want to call it 'fortune telling', the future is simply ... stuff to keep on mind.
Now does this oracle speak to me as my "configuration" for the day. The Emperor would so describe my main aspect of the day. This didn't come down to any particular event, but more my position in a given clique. And by that I don't mean to say that I was the dominant part. Or "its leader". The 2 here is I think a bit more complicated and vastly what I'll be concerned about when it gets to Love. The root card would properly represent my basic concerns going into the day, which is also stuff I'll get to when it gets to Love.
Regarding this particular oracle does it stand that I today had some personal autonomy and strength going into the day. And reflecting upon today I can say that I didn't need this Oracle in order to 'fulfill' it. But I'll get back to that when we get to Love.
Hmm ... this was more inconclusive than I thought it would be!
But so, regarding the Knight of Cups - my problem is that I try to combine the idea behind cups with the idea behind Knights and thus end up seeing Pages, Knights, Queens and Kings as practically the same. So, those of one color. Knight of Cups wouldn't be much different from the King of Cups. And thus the next Layer opens up to me - which I find in the descriptions in that booklet. I would think that those insights are more sophisticated than mine and often open my eyes for what I am to look at. We get to that later with the Queen of Swords.
In simplest terms is this however 'the background'. Literally. Thinking in terms of Poker or Rummy or whatever, the Pages/Knights are lesser than the King. Going by it as I did - that would simply result in a spectrum of the same meaning. Maybe somehow trying to extrapolate an opposed idea for the Queen. But given that we may see them as identical, the only thing that separates them is the "dressing".
So I however found it amazing that the description of this card reflected upon things I had done, although in this sense I do rather attribute that to the card 'Strength'. The Knight of Cups is there described as something a bit of a dreamer. We don't know what he's up to, whether he returns or leaves - is however "on a search".
TO make my own description I will have to first wrap my mind around the concept of these Symbols. Cups are associated to visions - and so I would think of the cups representing my own visions - yet does the Knight of Cups seem somewhat frozen. Or "posing". He's just there, holding a cup - and other than the identity there isn't much of a "Knighthood" we can find in him. So we have to see it in context to our own. Since so the 'truth' that he is a Knight, his Knighthood not being found in the picture thus reveals its own ambiguity to us. Respectively the Knighthood is ... "something".
The cards description (in the booklet, so going forward) further reads the meaning of a "Spiritual Quest". Yet as advise 'to move slow'. Its difficult to unsee the "Slow Motion" he apparently moves in once having heard of it that way and trying to think of it independently. But so, its weird to speak of motion within a still image. But it further reads: "Be aware of your emotions within your acting". This is something I could apply onto now, this and here. And in-deed is there something like that which 'primed' the topic of Love as presented herein to me. It also came to me today. After all, there are a bunch of events that this card now in this sense applies to. The question would be: Does the card simply drop into these events, making them look more special than they otherwise were? What if the card were a different one? Would that also ... fit the bill?
So, lets ask the Tarot for a Card to compare with.
OK, I'll stick to Ace of Cups as it flipped around while I was shuffling.
And from merely looking at it I could fit this card into the very same events. What so 'primed' my idea of Love would be the Vision delivered by the Hand of God. Respectively would I see things "through this vision", and continue to carry it out here. However, my "hunch" is that this card would have come if I couldn't really write about it. So, in comparison to the Knight is this more so presentation to the beholder rather than actively moving to it. So, too close? Lets pick another one. 8 Wands.
I suppose ... 'same thing'. Instead of speaking of "it" as of a Vision, I'd speak of my desires addressed thereby and the divine stuff intertwined with "them" - or so, the vision. So, its "mean" to pick this card if we criticized the ace of cups as 'too close'; Yet so in comparison to the Cups would this card less apply to visions and more to events. According to the description do some associate team-work to this card. While I didn't have any of it today I'd be left to think of the higher power; But the events I associate to 'Strength' and 'Knight of Cups' today - I would attribute those to my own actions rather than Gods. Neither did "our clique" (which shaped and fell apart today ("inn Joke". The guys last day today)) really do that much together. We just bought tobacco between talking a little and having lunch. So, it sortof fits - but ... not quite.
The next one: Judgment.
Yea, well. In a sense could we say that this text now is some Judgment. Or my conclusion following the days events. And this transition/change that the descriptions would speak of, we could say that my 'vision' will have that effect. However, the conclusion of that vision isn't really conclusive yet. It still contains an open question. It doesn't really represent an 'end' - yet merely another stepping stone.
So, so far we had cards that were 'inherently' close to the subject matter discussed. Might we get one that isn't? The next card is 'Justice'.
Well. Its also kindof close. But, that only concerning one single event that I associate to the link between Strength and the Knight of Cups; While as that, it would we a better fit at replacing the card 'Strength'. However is its tone too exaggerated for that. While I could take the previous cards prior to what happened and be somehow on the same track, this card would have really confused me today. Except maybe in a very abstract way.
Maybe that event shouldn't matter at all. Maybe I just took note of it because it had happened and did fit the description. And so I find that the Knight of Cups plays a far larger roll today at all. Like, I ... uploaded the videos from Yesterday and since they are too many and I have just a little bit of space left I have to pick more carefully. Now I found that I wanted to have something - and then realized that that part was amongst those I actually put away as skipped.
And yet again that wasn't something the cards had to tell me. Which ends up being the ... weird, ironic, contradicting part of looking for Oracles.
Yet so, that is a good segue to the topic of Love. Here I then might write some more of 'Strength', that 'event' - but more importantly, what I feel Tarot has helped me with.
There are a few concepts of Life, interaction with God and Love - that work well together and essentially oppose the idea of a 'practical Oracle'. Thats the crux so far 'stumbled upon' - when it gets to Tarot. Maybe I was just lucky today though that I had 'strength' on my side. Well, let me ... solve this out a little.
Speaking of the 'problem' with Oracles we get to the same argument that defends accusations against the inaccuracy of Testimonies. Simple thing. But nevertheless do we sometimes feel helpless. And this sounds like the ideal Pitch to start advertising for fortune tellers. But its nonetheless a truth. We would ordinarily see those as ordeals that we have to go and grow through.
Then we've also had it a bit with the ambiguity of the nature of these Oracles. That however is a good thing for something like an oracle by Cards. Would we so think to throw in cards that are less ambiguous, we'd have to deal with the consequences of entropy a bit more. Entropy - in its relevance to this stuff - has first been a topic in the Matrix Phenomenon. While eventually difficult to miss, well - its kindof ... so that although the tracks as they play in order are subject to divine intervention by being very specific configurations, they yet "seem" to obey the Laws of entropy. That means that it is highly unlikely that the randomizer will pick tracks in the order they appear in the playlist. For instance. While it is not impossible that the same track can play twice in a row - it is highly unlikely and the pattern of which tracks the randomizer picks will always appear random.
If so a card had a very specific meaning, lets say ... the "You'll die tomorrow" card inserted into a normal Tarot deck ... you'll have to deal with the possibility that this card is going to pop up at some point. And if you so lay Oracles every day - you'd suggest that this card would never ever be drawn until the day before you die. That, by the laws of entropy, is highly unlikely!
So this card would pop up, we assume, without you dieing the next day - and yet something might happen that would remind you of that card. So the meaning would get "ambiguated".
Now, ... there are 5 oracles that I want/need to share with you. 3 day Oracles, and 2 'intuitive' ones. The first I should share would be my baseline for this week. Since the week is over tomorrow, its still not truly concluded but I think that they are already fulfilled:
The black ones are cards I forgot. I didn't write them down. I first laid the back row and then the front row. The back row suggested this to me: It will start good, then 'the star' thing happens, and then we'll be together. What then happened was that the devil 'meant' that I was deceived in my primary assumption; The 'change' that is to mean cure was the 'fallout' of that initial negative; And the 5 coins ... they probably mean that I'll go out empty handed. That I'll be stuck 'looking deeper' instead.
I was optimistic all throughout; And there's still a chance she might write me today, but ... lets not. The 5 coins, when taking it as "institutions won't help" would yet speak against it.
At some point then I was still confused and wondering about what I should do I received a comforting feeling as I thought or was bumped into laying another Oracle. On the other side I had three day-Oracles this week so far; And I could understand each of them in the lines of hope going into that relationship.
But now, I think I must apologize since I won't share ... possibly any of it. I'll just ... be straightforward on this.
This Love was building up before I started to use Tarot cards. So the Hope was already there. I barely remember the first day Oracle I wanted to share, but I still do remember three things: The Hierophant was at the root, the Queen of Swords was the Future and the entire thing looked much like Celebration. So I thought it for good and believed that the Queen of Swords would mean a hint at how I would succeed, or how it would happen. That day was the day where I asked her the second time and got denied. So the Queen of Swords
Still resembled the 'work' of the day, which was to "keep the faith" or at least stay optimistic despite the bad weather. Or more so, the 'looking forward' in this ... 'mixed' weather-prospect.
However, what I did to 'fulfill' the Hierophant was that I put the cross onto my bag; And, later that day, I did another Matrix session with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. That I didn't intend at first - but, while I was so playing Final Countdown I had the inspiration and thought it a good idea. Also thinking of the Hierophant. All in all I got away with a good mood as I didn't try to be too mad about everything.
Then there was wednesday.
This was it, I think. Then there should be thursday ... but I don't remember. I guess I forgot. No! Uhm. OK. Anyway. Yea. So.
So, what this meant for me was 'change' - because of the dead-man. A transition. Well. After all - I was in a really bad mood all day long; Feeling like dead, pinned to the ground; With only dreams to get some kind of optimism - yet during the day I made sense of how I thought to make sense of it at first. Just ... in a different sense. In the end, I had saved up enough money to buy me something, and that something should be a new Hard-drive because the Matrix Videos have piled up filling everything to the brim.
Then came Thursday.
It looked epic. It had the tower, judgment and for the future - the 6 coins. For the past - 9 coins. It came 'after' I had done that 'individualistic' Oracle - and done some stuff accordingly. Then I had a well rounded something, a message, that I could give her. Of all the cards I could have interpreted as "give her the message(s)", it was the 6 coins. Not the Knight of Coins, not the 6 cups. Not the 6 swords - although that one well represents me in my hopes and moods. Willing, looking forward to it, but also rather pessimistic about it.
So, this is the pattern. The second card relates to top, bottom, left and right. The first card to the rest. This I think best reflects a more complex situation. So, what it did was that the rear card was the High Priestess and thus meant to me things I should be quiet about. Perhaps dream about. Think about. Be peaceful about. The near card I guess was the Knight of Swords ... and the cards relating to it ... I didn't really know at first. Death was one of them. But also star. And due to that card I understood that ... . Well, it delivered to me the presence of my inner aspects, well, "the Animalic" as the description reads it. Things at the bottom of that Love. And as I so began to write I further had to remember that the 3 coins basically still "blocked" my progress in a way. So, the thing that initially "told" me to maybe write something and "channel" it into ... the progress. Though the more I wrote the less I liked it. Anyway. In regards to the cards as they were I wrote. Death always came to mind as I wrote of my pessimism. In the sense of admitting defeat - as however I felt it at the time.
I so produced what I then understood as the wealth depicted by the 9 coins, which then set the context to the 6 coins. My wealth versus her poverty, sotospeak.
And because I 'dedicated' yesterdays Matrix phenomenon to her, its still connected that way. But so, judgment and tower. How did they ... apply?
Maybe not yet. But, I felt greatly reliefed anyway. Judgment? I guess, its just in the way how I got the thing to her. Usually ... I see her going out shortly - though since recently she's been avoiding me - but she also seemed somewhat ... different. More ... like ... coming back to it. Maybe that has something to do with ... oh yea, I ... really forgot.
So, in the recent articles you would read of my struggles "with her" that would basically be struggles with ... other entities. Well. I had my thing, the intention to give it to her - made out in my head how, ... I had the opportunity and I didn't - but thats too far ahead already. Moving up from the station to the place I felt this ... weird burning sensation. Like, so with my thoughts - moving into a ball of fire. Like ... I wouldn't or couldn't give it to her. Like she'd be too upset by then already so ... it just wouldn't happen. I only "knew" how to suck all that burning into my heart and eventually it evaporated. Some things remained, but ... the big bad nasty had cleared up and so did she also seem to have lightened up. I chose to sit next to her, with one chair in-between. That day folks however decided to sit so that I would feel really alone there, so I moved one over and ... I don't know. If theres emotional telepathy it wasn't that bad!
Yea. Its ... ... a Love story as it might only happen in a Psychiatry. "If it is one".
So, Judgment happened - changes happened - I gave it to her, the ice broke a little. And ... well.
SO we get to today - after which I can finally come to the "real" part. Uh. ... well.
Anyhow. Today was a bit odd. She seemed ... well, busy. Not negative. And "the event" is really just a silly one. TOday was "motion group" - so, sports, activity - while, there we usually just throw around with balls or other stuff. Catch with left, throw with right, both at the same time ... stuff like that. And since there are usually new ones there's the game of throwing the ball while calling their names. And between her and me I feel this is awkward. I think that people misjudge the "difficulties" - when ... "mentally challenged". So, while Antichristians would know "the game", they'd play the game. Part of it is to let others 'not' play the game; And so - however - there are all sorts of issues in my mind. You maybe know it. "But others will think" or "She will think". She got the ball a few times, looked at me, and then struggled to find someone to throw it to. And yea. I usually ignore her by trying to figure out whom I 'should' throw it to. I don't know someone's name - or want to "practice" it - I'll do it. Or I'll try to see who's been left out, or is somehow in the vicinity of where I might approximate the balls destination. But I also felt like throwing it to her - and thats strength in combo with the knight of cups right there.
Although strength really took more effect later in the group where I just happened to have a good mood and wasn't really all that pre-occupied with stuff.
Yea - well.
End of the line.
So. Hope is Love. As usual - once I've "sent out" a thing, I usually start thinking of things that I 'forgot'. I was in a mindset that was totally different from mine while I was writing. Specifically the item of hope and belief. I didn't question my ability to overcome it if I had to - but, though its just a minor thing, certainly was too pessimistic considering its consequences.
Well. Hope is Love. And while we hope, belief isn't far away. And so also the story with Anna. She never quite ... killed my hope. With Marie its different. I don't feel like trying too much - but I was left riddled with ... concerns. Concerns that I had addressed and now its up to her. If she wants to make it up to her. So I'm in an awkward spot, but I don't feel awkward. I feel relieved. All my concerns are addressed in that message; And if it doesn't mean anything to her I must have been wrong. In this case no answer is an answer - and I understand that without any hope I don't have a reason to believe and without a reason to believe I have no reason to be or feel disappointed.
But I 'know' - the better now - that it was "more". There's a certain potential that, if she decides to give it a chance, will end up in what we might call true Love.
Not in the esoteric sense. In the intermediate sense.
So, what have I learned and how?
Well - open minded ... nothing that I wouldn't have learned without Oracles?
But yea. What would I expect? I had inner struggles - asked, after all, Cards for Guidance (in a sense) - and, I'd expect them to tell me 'yes' or 'no'. But we've learned that these cards have an inherent ambiguity to be valued for what they are. So, they couldn't tell me what. So I'd have to learn what they'd be wanting or willing to tell me. And by learning it, I've learned something - for life. Not just a silly bit of Mysticism - but something profound. Something I was confused about - that the cards guided me through. It was due to that, that I got to write what now makes me feel like I've accomplished something - without anything left. Well - there might things be left, still, ... useless detail that wouldn't matter one way or the other. Well. For now that is, at least.
Would it have happened otherwise? Well, who could tell? The one who could would of course have to say, I assume, of course! But still - the Oracles were better than nothing. I might assume that if I refuse to draw any cards the next week, something good might happen. Or is that superstition?
There are things to maybe dig into that a little deeper. I've begun to write her before all the Tarot stuff. Which to me already meant as much as 'failure'. It meant as much as: "Too much time has passed so that now my escape is on paper". And that, no matter how much I didn't want it that way, would mean that this would have to be the way inevitably.
And so the three of coins popped up "all the time". Well, initially at least.
Together with the 9 cups, which, was probably foreshadowing this.
If it works out in the end, its still true that hope is love. And how this hope gets born ... that may be the answer to what it will be in the end.
Hmm. 9 swords. Whats up with that one? Yea, the 'saddening truth' finally becomes aware. To me it used to be how I felt weekend after weekend, or night after night as time went more and more dire. Its like I had that card programed into me to associate it to that when I saw it. Then it was like a mirror. But I wasn't saddened by this outcome, I was ... smacked by being in Love again. With someone I ... deemed ... maybe too wonderful to be true. Being afraid of getting myself into "just this" situation yet again. Unwilling to do, unwilling to bear the risk to get disappointed yet again. But the way it went on, day after day, was that I only grew more and more eager to see this to an end. A conclusion. Mostly driven by hope. And belief. And if this is now all just to burst like a bubble - I however finally learned it. And this lesson is valuable even if it comes together.
So, well - so far.
Hope is Love - thats ... all I have to say.