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A world of Greed

General StuffPosted by Nicole Thu, February 15, 2018 13:44:52

[Rambling, Could and Woulds, Ifs and Thens, Double Standards and Sexuality again - rounded up in a piece thats vastly about opinions and misconceptions] - an Anti-SJW piece [and stuff about Gaming]

Once again its the time where I just don't know what to write ... (about). I have plenty of stuff round about on my mind - some of which I tried to write about but it didn't go anywhere. But within this 'puff' of thoughts eventually my urge to write keeps increasing, ... nonetheless, ... and eventually it just happens. Logically this should translate into an interpretation whereby it is viewed as an act of God that I get these thoughts - but no, not really. It isn't inherently logical. The iterative thought pops up, makes sense - and while on this narrow threading, basically having tunnel-vision of trying to keep things straight, one is required to bridge that gap somehow. The word 'logical' appears up there because, ... it does so come in. If you reason about my situation you eventually get to the "God does stuff to get me somewhere" thing. Then the word 'should' is used as a buffer word - though honestly, ... I'm already missing something at that point.

And it happens. Its bad - I guess. So we have to return and get back to what we do and improve upon ourselves. And that is best when not asked for. Thats ... truly independent. Maybe thats why I'm extremely allergic to people telling me to do stuff that I already have on my radar to do. It makes me then therefore not wanting to do it anymore. But yet jumping through the hoop - that is another side of good. Both 'goods' are inherently opposed to each other. So - on a simple chart thats only about you and 'the Environment' - generally. In this environment however are other "yous" - sotospeak - which means you're not guaranteed to see everything first because that wouldn't be logically possible.

So I guess this situation needs me to briefly touch upon a few things I wrote about. I guess there even is a 'thing' that happened which maybe toppled me for a moment. I was thinking about Star Wars - and I got the sense that the bit I threw in as for how Episode 7 could have started was, well, might call it a 'hit'. Spawning a new kind of something that would encourage me to somehow iterate on that as a ... well ... some kind of back and forth. On one end to maybe try what happens whence "the people" wrote the screenplay. Just ... 'playing' so - at least, because ... I'm not sure ... .
Anyhow - and I wrote some stuff and - as it turns out there is this bug my computer has, ... which - sometimes when I put it to sleep it won't wake up anymore - and - once I shut down the computer the stuff I wrote in Notepad++ but didn't save ... are gone.

Now I'm troubled because I'm not sure about what kind of surveillance I'm under, "if any".

So, I'm kindof ... "urged" to get back on track by generally rewriting what I had there.

But still something is keeping me away from it.

See, as it turns out the initial "logic" I was writing about - the other way is so: I get to write on stuff, "do something", accomplish things, ... until 'they' get a hang of what track I'm on. Then they begin to basically "spam" my way with stuff that gets me interested/triggered to write on, which I then follow (for the lack of anything better/else to do) - until I'm confused. Meanwhile God enhances an urge within all the stuff thats happening inside of me - drawing those things together that should matter to me and off we go, ... 'onto another track' so to speak.

Same thing ... eurgh, ... consequence, ... but different means - somehow. So, ... same thing? Not really. And ... only slightly. I mean yea - in general we could say that being totally down to the detail here isn't going to matter; But ... the devil is in the detail. In arguing how much this is as any other "God~ish" thing we'd have to ask "Well, what we mean by 'God~ish'". Yet, less nonsensical were it to just look at the thing itself. The "cliff-jump" so to speak. It doesn't matter - as the 'issue' there has to be resolved anyhow. And by thinking some more about 'that' - we would come to that previous conclusion as an alternative.
And there's a certain problem ... that might not be obvious. So - if I then went on to write about "their stuff" - they would have an argument in it being their stuff, ... or something of an ambush ... possibly.

But then - the way out were still either Gods work or Gods reluctance ... so - yea, ... good we've taken care of that!

Most of the time I however feel like there's nothing left for me to do. Again. Its all either obvious enough or too far out of the way. But I wouldn't just retell things that are told already. The issue with Trump replacing food-stamps with food-boxes for instance, ... I could ass some stuff to that. As from my own perspective of how low quality food can ruin your livelihood. What you miss here you want to get elsewhere. "So it gets them to want money and work".
Yea, thats something I started to write about. This is the kind of argument that pops up in my head in some context and becomes something of a face to argue against. It then though turns out that this statement is the exact opposite to the libertarian "request". Well - I had to check back to make sure that thats what I meant, but yea. Well - it would seem its ... the same. So - the more you then work the better money you get and your life will improve. In many ways this whole argument turned against me - and, am I against the libertarian mindset? No - thus that discussion went on to however ... show how what we have today is 'corrupt' ... to the libertarian idea.
We have it right there in the food-boxes thing. With stamps people can go to places and buy their stuff there. With boxes ... the people no longer have a choice where to put their value. So - concurrence? No - socialism. The ... bad kind of.

I guess thats ... an overdue distinction to have/make.

Well, if the "AAA" industry and 'they' hang anyhow together - I could assume that the Loot Boxes backlash made "him" grumpy and as a means to somehow ... compensate ... he used his power to get this money elsewhere. Perhaps they're really ... short ... right now, ... actually.

By the way, ... I wonder how much of that Military Budget increase just goes into his own private army.

He needs to have some 'take-over the world' type of plans or else he wouldn't make such daring moves ... is suggested.

But poor people work harder - because they really 'need' the money to survive. Well, which doesn't work if you can live on ... some social security thing. Because the money just gets you lazier and lazier as opportunity after opportunity turns out to be a wasted effort. Or such. Money gets you lazy ... thats suggested. So, the more people that want to work - the more you can get to work; And paying them little for doing a lot already has them out of the 'entitled' 'class'.

Its ... how it is.

I've been bubbeling here and there about me being advised to not underestimate my opponent, ... and at the time I was warned I had no clue why. All the things that I've seen clearly suggested to me that there is little to no thread he is to me. I mean - I'm superior in any way possible - outside of, ... earthly stuff. Which was then what I thought was what this warning referred to - but this idea was quickly discarded because thats something I can do jackshit about anyhow. Its ... a "duh".
But so it just recently got a little clearer to me just what this warning could actually have been about.

And it sortof starts right here. Or there. Its like a circle though that has ... a frontier in every direction. So, this is only one issue that "gets into that". According to that warning there is little to no good to move any further ... 'here' - that pushing into this direction isn't gonna be good. Or ... 'end well'.

About which I've also come to learn a few lessons. The 'taking warnings seriously' lesson. The "inevitable answer" to the "what can go wrong?" question. Accordingly it is for instance not a good idea to have God lock you into a mindset opposite to the one you're supposed to have. That because you ... well, ... as I take a breath to write some more it already gets more complicated; So I'll leave that for another time I guess.

To draw you a picture though ... have you seen Akira? In this end where this guy just ... "blows up". Thats basically what we're headed towards. We can stand here - at a safe distance - but basically we shouldn't "just walk into Mordor".

Part of the "heeding of warnings" lessons however was that while we don't understand the truth of a warning - we can tend to ignore it anyway. Say, ... we have disbelief. Or we just assume that we can deal with the consequences and grow from them. Often enough thats been the sole purpose of all warnings I've ever gotten. It seems. Like - warnings that were clearly there and later stood revealed as true - but nonetheless I couldn't help myself from yet ignoring them.

Anyway, an explanation is ... always good I think.

So - turns out the enemy is really good at something we already knew about. Hustling, basically. However - what I didn't see was that this eventually culminated into something somewhat differently, ... which, ... in some way we could call righteousness. So, what I'm saying is that once we "ride in" assuming that we're righteous and he's not - we're dealing with this 'Titan'-esque (Attack on Titan) ... well, ... to keep true to my own rationale that I established: Mash-up of Excuses.
In essence the whole workings of this are really simple to understand. A.k.a. "Customer Feedback". Right now I had Dynasty Warriors 9 as presented by Jim Sterling on mind, ... but the original example was something around eastern and churches. So, thinking of a Church as in essence a money making structure with eastern being one of those holidays that gets more people to "attend" than usual - and in times of decline the leader might decide to cut a facility from itself or to somehow increase peoples interests in attending mass.

Tastes bitter ... ? To some?! I guess!

Where would we be without feedback?
So, is the problem 'whom' we give feedback to?
I wouldn't thread in those waters!
I mean - I'm trying not to!

Well, for sure there certainly is wisdom to that; But this wisdom is ... practiced at everyones own discretion. I can share my "pillars" of this' and thats - but well. "The rest is up to you".
Then, yet, anyhow.

And eventually things will solve themselves.

But I think I have a good 'symbol' to make this more comprehensive. The 'Griffin' in 'Ark - Survival Evolved'. Its a game I struggle with - in terms of both: Praising and Shunning it. Well, once I have some criticism about something, there right away is a counter-argument. But whats wrong with the Griffin? The Griffin is maybe the only creature in Ark - well - that doesn't do any damage. I mean, wild creature. In Ark, wild creatures generally roam around with Plant-eaters bing "all that" (harmless and shit) and meat-Eaters being always on the look-out for something to prey on. SO you'll find Rexes trying to eat Brontos, Dilos and Raptors messing around with Trikes and Stegos ... all sorts of stuff. Generally there is always something fighting something. Once you then go look for a Griffin you'll soon notice them trying to hunt something down, as ... "per usual" ...,... except they don't do any damage. This is explicitly stated in the wiki and thus looks like a feature. So, ... why is this? Not that I care? Its another wild animal ... and whether it hurts other wild animals or not ... who cares?

Well - I wondered - and there are a lot of ... "reasons" as to why this 'feature' might have been implemented. Looking back at my earlier impressions from the game, I had some spiteful things to say about meat-eaters. Something about the viability of plant-eaters. For the most part that wasn't really an issue. But here the thing comes to mind that Griffins would be OP - and its supposed to be about Dinosaurs. So yea, another "reasonable explanation". But not so much for Evolution then! Oh, and Ark has Dragons that can spit either fire, poison or lightning.

Why are stones and small trees("bushes") such a huge obstacles for some creatures? "Makes it more realistic" (like, ... each Dinosaur so is better or worse at traversing certain areas?) ... hmm. Well - thinking about the Griffin ... this type of argument doesn't really sound all that ridiculous anymore.

Its a sad ... sad ... show to watch. I've recently seen it. A stego minding its own business, a griffin trying to kill it, the stego getting too close to a wall of some kind, getting the griffin stuck between itself and the wall - and the griffin just hanging in there trying to kill the stego who is also stuck in place and cannot move forward - but he still tries to casually walk its way (while ordinarily they are getting pretty agressive once you hit them).

So, the Griffin would really suck at being an awesome predator ... with these pathetic damage stats. But without some interaction between Griffins and the rest there is no ... 'natural selection' going on - whereby there then were the chance for some higher level Griffins to get around. Or may that have been the issue? That takes me back to a problem I had in Destiny 2 - the strange feeling that the loot I got wasn't entirely random. Which might just be a new business model coming in. You're so on the "shitty droplist" until ... you do something for 'them' or whatever.

And so is it. It just is so. Good? Bad? Can't move either way. SO I get to call it 'perfect'. And on that note I've come to assemble a conclusion for myself to alright with. Not all that many people like to play Ark - no matter how 'perfect' it is.

In the same vein we can argue about its ... Technical side. The Graphics. Why is it that in a game thats all about Dinosaurs the engine gets into trouble the moment you build any structure suitable for serving your Dinos? I mean - people are used to build fences out of 'gates' rather than using "fence foundations" - like: "Shocking News! People try to build structures out of 'walls' to keep Brontosaurs from entering their bases!". Who would have seen that coming?
But its all reasonable! What would you rather have? A cheap looking low poly Dinosaur (like you see whenever the game has problems loading (sometimes)) - or a really awesome looking Dino that almost feels like the real deal? And I can't say that it isn't to a degree awesome to have that high quality stuff. To have knocked out Dinos basically breathing in and out while you as a small dude(tte) can climb around on it ... .... its awesome. Or you can take a closer look at an Ankylo and really feel like, ... getting hit by that means bad news!

Yea, but the lag just makes it borderline idiotic! I so was trying to look for a Griffin, because thats my new hobby I guess (we now have 3 Titanoboas, am proud of myself, but turns out they barely lay any eggs. Cycle closed however - and we have plenty of female Allosaurs ... yet (you need their eggs to make their preferred food). So ... eventually I saw one really low Level griffin - tried to escape, flying in circles - but the lag basically had the griffin constantly at my arse. Not that I couldn't escape eventually - but this is just generally so an issue. The way the game deals with Lag is ... honestly ridiculous. I would guess its a paradise for cheaters ... on the PC. That because ... so it seems ... your own position is determined by your own machine. So - if your machine struggles loading the scenery and thus struggles to update your position you end up being slower. (Sometimes it so happens, I guess, that while you're lagging out in the air the server applies 'fall speed' to you - some momentum - and thus you can basically zoom across half the map and land in the ocean, ... while riding on cat). Thus the griffin could always catch up so quickly. (Getting out of caves with Bats on your ass is another such thing. It takes some time to load ... and during that time the bats catch up, kill you and thats it). Except when the game decides to work differently and just warps you to some position you have been at just some time before. It so happened that I would walk out of a door around some corners and bam - find myself further back running against a wall.

By pointing these things out I get an angry "how else would you want to do it, have your position determined by server side?". Oh good point. I had it on another issue - but, this is one way of responding, though, ... the more likely it were for me to be totally on the 'yes of course!' side, the more likely it is for "him" to skip to a "you can forget about that right away!" type of motion. So, reason is entirely blocked out - and thats how this "perfection" is more like a mutated blob than ... 'divine saving grace'.

Strange thing: I feel - at those moments - like I got anything to say about it; But ... thats ridiculous! I would get money for that, ... right?

Well, criticizing Ark is easy, ... I guess. As easy as it is with Trump. And in the end we all kindof don't care because what can we accomplish? Individually? What we would like to see is less and lesser an option; That until 'they' can provide it - so, bad socialism again. Its not socialism ... its ... despotism. A system whereby good guys are made to systematically loose. Because being 'creative' here for instance doesn't mean that you have a vision - it means that you can follow someone else's directions. Yet still so far there is the occasional gem in all the rubbish. Like - anyone has ... amazon prime? Or Netflix? Does anyone actually care about all those exclusive shows they kindof vomited into their feed? Well, maybe I'm just too distanced here. But so it goes. I'm either on Netflix or Amazon Prime - because money - and so you watching your Netflix stuff ... is totally not interesting to me. Which to me means: "it has no face". Both - the exclusive Amazon stuff too.

I really liked 'the Tick' - wonder if that will see a second season! Well - I guess it was getting too stupid too fast.

But since I've mentioned that not so many people play Ark - and somehow tied that to a "well known" issue - I kindof feel like I got "him" open for some more "customer feedback". ... ... so. And now? Now I probably will stop writing about Ark for a while. Although ... I mean - I do find the game enjoyable for what it is, ... which is, ... the core idea. A Survival Game with tamable Dinosaurs in it. And because its 'online' and 'hosted' I can have my stuff there - shared with other people - and have it being somehow ... 'consistent'. A thing. Something that is "out there" - something I 'can't loose' - except, I can. If none of our tribe plays for ... what is it? 16? 17? Days ... everything gets torn down - and by the way - the Dinosaurs eventually starve after 1 week. "Anyway". Or 2. I don't know. Depends.

I guess thats something Jim Sterling pointed out by making a piece on why Ubisoft thinks games are a thing of the past - as so what Ubisoft points out by moving further down the "Lifetime value" road of thinking. The entire 'games as a service' idea. As what corporations are interested in. Ways to capture gamers in their "live services" to secure their wallet for themselves - as, the best way to deal with concurrence is to cut their revenue, ... right? So - concurrence is essentially horse-shit then? Ark so far prevented me from delving into the Horizon Zero Dawn expansion, ... being further interested in the Secret of Mana remake, ... took my time for playing Dark Souls 2, ... Dragons Dogma is currently discontinued (awesome game though) ... and also Monster Hunter. I feel like I'm in something I shouldn't be in - like I ignored a warning I shouldn't have ignored - but I don't feel like ... I should be somewhere else. So - its ... ... weird.

Back to the argument. Which is a thing about ... us referring to them as capitalists while in essence we should rather call them communists. And they have the assets to ... well, cater to our wishes. At least to some extent. Like - well. I ... once had an issue, ... round about the time where George Lucas sold Star Wars to dis-nay. I somehow wanted to say that all the people on the Internet are dumbasses that know jackshit - when it comes to Star Wars - until I realized that ... well, there's a point to that. The same point as why I couldn't clearly express myself. I was coming from a different angle. My angle was that of warning "whomever" from listening to "those people" that have no clue about Star Wars (which aren't the people on the Internet, but people who because of that listen to people on the Internet - sotosay). But thats how we got to 'the Last Jedi' - because under the line 'so many' said that they never really cared about the deeper meaning behind Star Wars. What even is the deeper meaning? And - it happens ever so often ever so quickly that when taking Star Wars seriously beyond a point, ... it kindof falls apart because its fiction. ANd this kindof means that it doesn't matter whether or not you express your opinion - because if its important that you don't you're only capable of talking nonsense anyhow!


Which is I guess a bigger lesson to make. The 'do not worry (life is good)' one. Which holds true for even the shittiest of circumstances one could be in - I guess. Except for certain exceptions I guess. And why not? People have a right to be depressed? How could I not be?

I don't mind 'lifetime value' in games. Matter of fact - that is something I'm missing ... from my Childhood. That games could capture me for month - while now I'm in the lookout for new games ... basically every month. Must have something to do with growing up - or are the games just really that bad these days?
A lot comes into that.
Horizon for instance - I ... couldn't play that game as much as I had wanted to ... which is a good thing, ... for 'it' - in terms of "credible value" - to me. I would call it a classic. It also generally meets the/my "classic" criteria - which is: Free of online Bullshit. You can put it into an offline "economy" and it'd still be the same game.

Often enough I however find so that the real problem is me. Sortof. That I don't have the time or get the time - while with new stuff here and there there's ... no need, sometimes, for games to be "that good" - until there's a void of some sort. Time to contemplate, reflect - or play games ... with other people. Those 'silly' grind-games that are just good to pass the time. How to spend 30 minutes in Ark? What you need is two bases - on two different servers - and choose to take stuff from one base to the other. You'll get to the obelisk, and there you'll have to wait for the cooldown. Which generally is something between 10 and 30(+) minutes. If you wanna kill an entire day, ... just try to tame a high level "expensive" Dino with the 'standard foods'.
Well, keeping snails around is business too I've heard. Lots and lots of rare ingredients they need.

Objectively I/we just started playing that game ... so, 3 month have passed, ... which ... means what? I mean - ... is that too much time spent on one game? Maybe not. I mean - what'd I rather do? I guess there is plenty of stuff - maybe? The thing is that after 3 month - with help - we're still basically sitting there - as in the beginning. As LTTP.

Where, yea. This kind of game is something I guess I've wanted for a long time. Which may be the largest appeal of MMOs. That accomplishments are somewhat persistent and mean something within a real environment. Its not just you spending time alone in front of your TV/Computer. Which might sound like spitefully looking at games - but, ... I guess thats part of the ... thing.

What'd I want? When asking me that question I generally struggle for an answer because my lifetime situation isn't 'set' yet. I mean - its "set" as in ... 'bullshit' ... while somehow being, to my likes, close to an ideal/desirable one. I have plenty of time to spend for myself. But I'd be lying to myself if I told me that thats what I wanted. On the other end I struggle with the idea of partnership - worrying that I might just spend too much time on my own; "not valuing what I have". Which is another kind of bullshit I guess. One "argument" goes to tell me that I wouldn't have this freedom to indulge in video-games anymore ... and I kindof see that as a good thing. As ... one of my points that adds a point to this whole issue. If I had that extra bit of social engagement I wouldn't have the need for Videogames to fill 'that much void'. Thats just me - and that 'me' is generally interested in Single-player games. Bold: "If" "they" have so managed to get me off of those Videogames to somehow benefit of my emotional impact ... or intellectual conviction - they yet couldn't change me; And for wherever me is just me that self will prevail because it ... inherently ... has the flaws of individuality.

Whatever. Lets not overcomplicate stuff. But I do believe that this is a thing 'the enemy' also boasts to believe in. Sortof. Maybe more in a rebellious way; From which angle some would react to my statements as a weird "U-Turn" to cater to their ... stuff. Whatever. ANd to me 'their' take on it is nothing but a silly excuse! And yea - thats where we have different opinions. My version of 'being true to yourself' doesn't come without the efforts to truly change inside - obviously: The the desired degree/outcome. Which is: Redemption/Redeemable/Saved.

Which is also why I cannot have an intimate satisfaction from playing Ark - and where I would turn back to having stuff on my own computer, rather than in some 'cloud'. Here Ark reminds me of how 'insecure' this "Live Service" bullshit is, how volatile. And that shouldn't come as much of a surprise to anyone. We know it. Aside of a few "easter eggs" littered into the intro-"cutscene" and certain voice-messages - the entire progress of Destiny 1 was lost. All the money people spent on it ... gone! Well, they sortof kept the game alive, ... and that sortof led to Destiny 2 ... ... ... which, ... people don't like. I for myself ... I mean, I'm not feeling too differently. I've already had "this sucks" impressions while I was internally all hype-and-clear for it. The idea that all the grinding eventually amounts to lots and lots of duplicate items ... and nothing new ... that comes from a feeling. I mean, my take on it. My 'version'. And its true. But its just a tangible "produce" of something else. Something "deeper". Maybe. Well, being all hype-and-clear for it made the raid, well, somewhat acceptable. Though actually, looking at it from a distance, ... its really ... really stupid.
I feel like a guinee pig ... playing it. I can have fun with the mechanics while I'm immersed into controlling my Character - but thats the 'place' where you eventually loose ties to the Real World ... and you don't really see how deep into "it" you have fallen. And why would you? While its fun!?
But stuff is gone anyhow.
If you stop playing Ark - its all gone. Thats good, and bad. Its good because then you can move on; And bad because while you're in it, you can't move on!

There's now this issue. "What is wrong?". How did we get "here"? How are we now the people who argue against "him" - and are the bad guys who need to stop because "he's so good" or whatever. I would mainly suggest because ... of issues. Like ... differences.
Well, everyone told 'them' why they suck - and why they are awesome. So over time, sitting in and accumulating more power - all the criticism and praise for anyone in the world "ever" (well, obviously not really that much) accumulated into that ... "perfect" thing.

Amongst these 'differences' were 'one' that is really pivotal to everything. There is only 'one' God, ... and it isn't "him" (the Antichrist). So, the more 'faithful' you are the more of a religious issue it is - to you. So, ... he's the bad guy and however God is going to outsmart him he will be outsmarted - and thats that. Nothing wrong with that. On the other side its just a matter of principles. I believe in God and I wonder why every truth of his is being confounded. Actively denied. And such. But that doesn't help anything while he still holds all that power. Basically. TO him at least. There is no use in trying to tell him that he's wrong while he's convinced that he's winning. Or so. Or right. Or ... whatever.

But thats that. Like ... Rome vs. Christians. A story on its own. The Inquisition. "Stuff like that". Lets just put it that way: "If there is a group A that is legitimately put under a serious amount of stress by a group B, and now something bad happens to group B - how can group A not look positively at that event? But obviously group A are here the arrogant ones because ... reasons.

And what is arrogance? I have the feeling that this is one of those words that is getting properly misused. I mean, barely anyone uses it because the meaning has been confounded so much that arrogance turns out to be one of those words without meaning. Arrogance has no meaning anymore and it just means that if you can't call the other one arrogant with enough 'oomph' ... you're just wrong! Which means that everyone is arrogant once someone with enough "Charisma" calls it that way.

I get confounded in the words. Well, so I was flying across Ragnarok (in Ark) while I had this argument in my mind. But the words don't come in right. Well. But, struggling through my own confusion I eventually find better words to match what I mean. Arrogance is to impose your own ignorance onto others. Be that ignorance accidental or intentional. In the latter its seriously arrogant and in the former, well ... we can leave it at ignorance. ???

Anyhow ...

Maybe this just happens to be a ... thing. Like, we got called arrogant and now we're stuck trying to figure out ... how true that is. How ... much of an issue. And I get to it that the one time the argument makes sense; But when I then try to write it down I get a sense of, ... well, now it pretty much kindof seems like it applies on me - a sense of it I didn't get before. And now ... am I going to leave it there as such or am I deleting it? Pretend it never happened? I wouldn't even truly know which accusation to weigh how - and the more words get into the definition the more complicated the whole nonsense ends up getting. It seems. Its a struggle with self, but I can be happy with myself that I like this definition I came up with to a degree that makes me not care about how much it applies to stuff that I do!
It would have looked, for a moment, like I'm trying to make it a "not me" type of definition.

The point is that we all can overlook things. And while if such happened to "him" we've so far established that 'we' have a legitimate reason to laugh a little harder and louder about it - that shouldn't change the fact that we all happen to be guilty of it. The louder laughter also would somehow relate to the issue that "he's" really serious about being ... perfect and all that "not perfect" apologetic stuff. Which by the way is ... pivotal to 'them'. To have 'one' guy on top who pulls the strings; As some means to an order. An order that is going to be well and perfect when enough people can weigh in on its details. So, now you can see - the problem isn't the perfection, ... its the rotten source.
Leading to the problem that something thats really vile and dangerous in truth looks cute and cuddly on the surface.

Which is one "thing" I have with Videogames. Its 'one of those things' I 'know' I have "the answer" to in terms of 'yes or no' - while 'issues' generally take my thoughts somehow the other way. I mean - "structurally" I am someone that "stands" as opposed to gaming. ... How to ... . Well - this means that the flow of my thoughts generally takes me to places where I get to look at games negatively - and that also somehow accumulates something of a "mindset". So, emotionally - or "generally" - by the ways how my thoughts and feelings "align" - you might feel me as such, ... opposed to gaming. But that is just a part of my mind where the 'light' basically (typo: 'liht' - ... works, somehow ...) points into the other direction. So - the issue with that is that while I 'know' the direction I don't have the reasoning or argumentation to get there. And that maybe because the way my mind works is just incompatible with that "sort of thing" ... like ... the reasons for that being 'true' is much simpler ... in real talk.
While we can yet 'start' with all the propaganda against Videogames being fabricated bollocks!

I mean, "back in the days" it was as simple as turning the Console on or off. The SNES had a really nice switch ... clack - clack ... but nowadays you have to shut consoles down from a settings menu while else it'll just go to sleep. Bad I.T.. But there is no market for Good IT. Its a tremendous waste of time and money ... I guess. And eventually not even viable.

The point is that in my struggle about what I'd want - the case that I'd have less time for games doesn't concern me. Because of my mindset I'm anyhow flowing against it - so I'm glad to 'clack' - turn off the console to do other things; And later 'clack' turn it back on. No additional reasoning required. There has to be no talk about 'live services' or how Games are bad - about 'keeping vs. removing' them - things just got to go their way and accordingly will games somehow ... sink in.
The idea that 'we' (all of us) wouldn't talk about games and movies - and as such contribute to a future; And if only by "breeding" artists with newer mindsets. I mean - thats what I thought of myself before my failures became ... more of a feature of me than successes. That I know media - I enjoy it, I enjoy crafting it - I like stuff and found that many shared my taste - stuff like that. What were the few big things I liked during my Childhood/Youth? I can almost only name classics. Well, Zelda, Secret of Mana, Return to the Future, Star Wars, Star Trek, Dragonball, ... ... strange how there is so much else and those are the things ... still big today. I liked the Turtles, but because of restraints I'm not all that familiar with them and sortof they are ... somewhat irrelevant to me. Seems to be everyones opinion. And yea - we all like Spiderman ... I guess.
I so feel like I'm chosen to ... or 'was' ... to be one of the artists of tomorrow (well, today) - ... but ... I didn't make it. Because 'reasons'. Part of it is good, and part of that is ... horse-shit.

All the nonsense of the modern world did really drive me back into "Seventh Day Adventism" - sortof. Not converting me back from being a Mormon - thats not at all the case. More so that certain teachings of SDAs started to make sense, specifically the whole entire "the world is evil" narrative which makes SDAs somewhat ... inherently distracted 'from' the "real world" - to put it harshly. But the idea starts to look really sweet whence the alternative is ... this garbage we call 'world'. And while I was trying to explain why Videogames are good - I realized that I couldn't come up with arguments that convinced me in that mindset. It all just boils down to fun with the mechanics. Well, beyond all the other reasons I generally had; Like ... how interaction would make you smarter. There was a nice ("epic") TED talk by some Daphne something on Video Games and the Brain - which was overwhelmingly positive. But then there are those games that seem like they're intentionally going the other way. Like Destiny I guess ... where after some time you're just tired of all them mobs that you stop caring about whats on the screen and instead of trying to be conscious of your environment you basically just shoot what so happens to be either in front of you or in the way of some speedrun - while the limitted content (Strikes and Raid) make it so that eventually you'll learn where the obstacles are and navigate around them. There isn't any 'real' interaction anymore unless you play a respective amount of PvP. And the moment you step into trials you loose all passion for continuing to do so. While some feel like its ... rigged ... anyway.

Which is one huge problem of our current world. More and more gets gated through systems we only ever get to hear more and more scary things about! Comparatively "back in the day" we used to have LAN parties.

And while these things ... well, I ... I got to say that I feel like 'we' are "supposed to be" on the anti-tech side. Because we're boring Christians. But then, ... whats life supposed to be for a pragmatic like me? If I so learn that something can make my life more convenient 'because science' ... why ... on earth ... and in heavens ... ... ???

A similar issue can be observed in regards to the "public opinion" about God. Like - if I come around with talking of my God, ... what does it to you? Or - would it have done? "This God who works with Illusions and Co-incidence"? "Barely a threat!". Well - yea. Thats the one! But thats the same guy who can open the earth to swallow you - no matter how physically unreasonable that may appear to be!

The reason why we know God as this "pathetic" "looser" "who can't do anything" is because he for the most part doesn't do that stuff ... that would make us really ... scared. Like ... what if you saw your Boss getting swallowed by the carpet he's standing on because he was a douche? You'd ... say ... OK ... well, I better don't be a douche. And thats why many don't believe in God. Such things don't happen and barely anyone can really make sense of it. I guess ... thats how ... "this" is similar to Star Wars.

The force was never really a thing in the movies. It was there. It was a feature that some people had - ... while something else drove the story, made the action, ... and all that. So - everything that the Force is basically just exists in peoples minds - and thats why the Midichlorians got so much hate I guess. And thats also why the Mary Sue thing is such a big issue in Star Wars!

["Thank you, Thank you!"]

So it all comes down to the Author(s) "knowing" it ... the way everyone else does. But ... how can that happen once nobody has a clue?

But well - whenever this "why" issue pops up - the same thing happens. "IDK". But yet ... then in hindsight ... a lot has been written and said - actually - which all of a sudden is like not there and needs to be rehashed. Why? Well, #1 we can't change it - deal with it. The dealing with it helps us mature.
For instance. So - maturing issues. But more to the point are we exposed to each other - as we have the power to 'interfere'. Which is part of the maturation. "Etc.".

More on the "good old days": I ... suffered through it and eventually I also got used to it. Then, in Horizon Zero Dawn ... well ... I found a game that ... did it well. I would for instance argue, thinking of my own experiences, ... that interactive and non-interactive media helped me ... "get smart". Well - within the realm of what 'story driven content' can do. So, ... in RPGs ... knowing where I am, why I am there - where to go next. That was something I thought ... uh, taught to myself was good. So - requiring the player to 'interact' ... consciously ... with the media. Even if it was just a book. Or a comic. But in a Videogame you then can test your understanding ... as it will show you whether you guessed right or not. But that got gradually taken away by the Minimap. Although we here could blame GTA ... GTA is barely to blame. GTA is GTA - and thats that! We have to blame all those that implemented that into their games ... wrongly. When it comes to Horizon we're a few years later where ... well ... maps just got too damn huge to know where to go by some vague description. Where's "the Waterfall" in Hyrule? Well - easy! Where's "the Waterfall" in ... Horizon? Well - which one?
But its not like you're just following some bright arrow on the minimap. You have to actively use the 'real map' to find your way around.

And so I can't help but notice that the terms I've used to relate to games have somehow been changed from underneath my feet. Or ... our feet. We still think - maybe - of the 'classics' like Deus Ex ... while Deus Ex nowadays is ... barely like it. Gone are the days where the tactical side of X-Com was a tense engagement where every little time unit might matter. Today its more of a speedrunning game ... ...... and how dull must it have become whence the game devs thunked it a good idea to implement a turn limit?
I mean - did anyone of them ever legitimately play TFTD for instance and got through the ship?
How could we tell though who the "real" people are that know how X-Com should be? I mean - I don't care about whether or not casual gamers can now enjoy that game - ... ... - and well, yea. I can too - 'hehe' - for "so long".
(Invisible Inc. is a worthy alternative - although I think that its "poorly made", which is, ... I'm just disappointed that for being basically just a 2D game it sometimes ... feels like its 'too demanding' on the hardware. Weird!)

And "casualization" is something a lot of gamers 'generally' complain about. I mean - to put it straight, I guess, we have to acknowledge that every gamer, no matter how hardcore, is yet just a casual when it gets to other genres. So, there is a game I'm not really into because its too complex - in a way that isn't interesting to me - so I won't enjoy it. Make it more 'casual' and I might have fun with it. But - is that fun, I'm asking myself there - although I mean it as a statement to you, now really worth taking it away from its hardcore fanbase?

ANd so we get into issues with numbers. An argument I would counter by saying that the fanbase doesn't matter since the devs are those making those games; But that is not really an argument today anymore because ... well ... what are devs supposed to look at these days? Numbers!

And once the passion has been removed from arts ... what is it? A dead industry!

Another odd thing occurs when talking about skill. So, Metroid or especially Mega Man come to mind. For once its skill-based, but in the end it then comes down to memorizing patterns. The skill is still there - in the execution. Learning the patterns comes over time. But what now is the meaning of skill when you no longer actively respond to threats? Well - is that what happens? Not if you can't tell in which order the boss is executing its attacks. The better you know the game the more familiar you are with the bosses and hence your responses are respectively improved; But someone who can't play Mega Man and make it look really easy ... is still going to have a challenge, ... even getting to the final boss marathon. Which is ... ... something.

And these are the kind of discussions where I think the Antichrist is usually on the wrong end. At least thats how I see the markets evolution, or ... where "those with power" go. Somehow the "skill doesn't matter" argument gets thrown into some design process and the whole system then ends up being botched. On another note could we wonder about why stuff in Ark is so expensive to craft (so, compared to how much resources one can gather). ... (its "brilliant". It adds value to resources and increases game-time).

Well, maybe I'm having some silly conjecture there - but ... what can I do? I can't help it!

I've now long passed on a chance to segue into Star Wars. And I don't remember what the point was. On the other hand do I have another topic on mind that isn't really ... 'fitting' of this - and I'd ask: This or that? But - when it comes to Star Wars I have an issue that also touches on that other topic. It relates a bunch to 'clarity'. Or - whatever I got out of it. At some point I felt like I had to be more open and specific about a few things - another thing I wrote but didn't bring to an end yet - but mostly my issue here comes down to something I pretty much don't want to write about. Its possibly just in my mindset that those words ... they kindof hurt. But every once in a while I so get to write stuff that would fit the idea that I now have the time to produce things - until I meet my love and then no longer get around it because I'm gonna get raped until die. Something like that. ANd so is the Star Wars issue. Writing about it 'now' - as opposed to waiting for a chance to do whatever I'd try there effectively - gives me that feeling, ... like, ... you could compare it to the "Boss Breath" in the Original Zelda Game in the rooms leading into a Boss room. So, somewhat daunting, ... and not right.

And anyhow. If I'm not comfortable writing about something I just generally shouldn't think it a good idea to yet try!

But I was pressured to do so. Well, part of a lesson - maybe. And yea, if thats how it works for you - that makes the entire clarity thing meaningless. "Obviously". In reality I just give up on trying to explain it all. Which takes me to another issue.


Moments where words are a nuisance. Its an issue that bothered me for some time but I couldn't quite formulate it. The strange feeling that on certain arguments I've had in my mind I felt my argument getting deconstructed by some kind of imbalance within the wording. Every once in a while I had to iterate on certain statements or totally avoid some - maybe I dropped a line to express some caution about my formulation. Most of the time there however is 'one' prime culprit who generally ... well ... is like a complete dumbass. I try to explain something and while I would think its easy enough to get understood I feel "him" breeding upon some word wondering about what it might mean. My primary reaction was to try and explain it. How I meant it. But whenever I did so - I realized I just shifted the problem into the next sentence. So eventually it occured to me that I maybe looked at it the wrong way. It isn't "him" not understanding, it is him trying not to understand it - and within a solid argument thus looking for the weakest word he could drag into ambiguity to so disassemble the integrity of my statements.

This happens most often when I write about my Clarity and get to statements that are to explain certain circumstances which I felt had been ambiguous. Things that are generally beyond - so I would assume that you had a hard time relating to my statements; So the "not understanding" bit ... made sense, by trying to so ... get yourself into the mindset or whatever. I mean, I can definitely see that being the case ... though in hindsight it strikes me as odd.

Which brings me to ... "Hi Mareike!". Well, she's a girl I know or "knew" - and I really had a good time with her. She's one of the few if not the only one who ever really challenged what I said. So - we'd be talking about stuff and I'd say something and she'd eventually be like "what do you mean?" - which then generally were things that I found difficult to respond to. Well, ... because I wasn't used to that. The concept of me expressing myself incomprehensively. Well, as pretty much all I ever experienced up until then was basically "from top down" (lecturing), denial and ignorance. Every once in a while spiced with a bit of ridicule.
Like - my boss at the time eventually thought that time dilation was a funny belief of mine.

Like so we can say: Yea, there are places where you're smarts count as stupidity.

And we can't always straighten things at place, point and time.

By which I mean to say that it was a positive experience. As, how often do you ask "what?" - get an unsatisfying answer - ask again - and get an equally silly answer until you just don't bother asking anymore?

I guess the main reason why the Antichrist won't succeed is because he underestimates the reality of the world we live in. I mean ... the quality of life that we are used to. What it means to us, how it matters to us - why we want to hold on to it - that stuff. And a map of the 2016 US Elections ... well ... they kindof tell the same story. In those places we would think are "connected to the world" we see mostly 'blue'. Well yea - to say - you really need to have lived under a rock to ... this might hurt (cognitive dissonance) a little ... for instance believe in the whole 3rd wave feminist bullshit. Like Black Panther being hyped up as the first black Superhero. I mean ... why do these people keep on saying such stuff?
Or is that just a smokescreen?
Well - there are other things. More serious stuff.

In my transition to becoming a woman I've now experienced a few things that I had not really expected. For once it is a lot more stress on me - to now ... handle it. I mean - its irrelevant. Its stress nonetheless while I'm really low on stress-tolerance already. Its a temporary thing and I can't quite digest it yet. All I'm saying is that ... there is stuff ... and its still not a one-snap heal for me. Anyhow - one thing I've felt is a certain 'angst' - a creepy feeling of discomfort ... which sortof makes me counter-react but that then takes me into an equally creepy, but yet strangely comfortable counter-stance. And this counter-stance is all about 'safety'. At the time it occured to me I was about to call it "the Truth of (3rd wave) feminism" - which was to conclude that no matter how much the Sarkeesians don't like the damsel in distress trope - thats what they impose as nonetheless. "We misrepresented and sexualized women - help!". Which makes Sarkeesians concept to her own game even more hilarious. So - where are those 'strong women' ... IRL? That aren't just whining "Mememe fefes"?

How that relates to blue states?

I'm not sure - but, based on a hunch I'd say that 3rd wave feminism is more popular where "dumb" people are. Red states have the "we're anyway misogynistic anti-blue assholes" kindof thing going - different section of the Universe that is - but yea, what remains are schools. And else? Where those dumb people lead the game. Like - I don't know what to make of it. This whole incident around Richard Dawkins getting deplatformed - as an example. On the other hand we have the Atari guy who came out and apologized - which however has him in a different position. Whats the point?
This ... feeling.

This feeling that gets me afraid of being a woman - a feeling that requires me to ask for safespaces. Well - an illusory demand that is! In the other way I by doing so create space where I would go - which is like a big fat invitation to everyone who ... previously didn't know where to look for vulnerable females!

Intellectually this feeling is nonsense!

But its ... strong.
Its carried by mass media where we have all those stories of women getting raped constantly ... despite all we 'actually' hear about are false or unsustainable accusations. We barely hear anything about the 'real' stuff. Which circumstances they occur in and all that. If its not a story we can draw a narrative aligned connection to ... who cares?

And all this encouragement to 'talk about it' ... I guess ... it makes sense. But if you're in the situation and you maybe tried to - you might soon learn that people don't quite actually give a damn about your words! And thats it!

But still the fear is sortof warranted. It only takes 'one' potential criminal that 'might' be lurking around the corner. But - if its just a simple crook that is out for your money while holding a gun - your gender and outfit is totally irrelevant! Well - how often does this and rape come together? Like "now that I robbed you I might as well rape you!". Sounds like something that might happen in a Hentai flick, but in reality? I guess not! THe robber would be stressed to gain as much distance ASAP - rather than risking to attract further attention. Like "of course" - let me drag you behind this conveniently placed heap of trash here so I can rape you! P).

Point is: We all eventually have a reason to be afraid! The odd thing about this feeling of insecurity is ... that it doesn't really 'mean' anything other than looking for that mystical 'safe space'. Or, to complain about how crooked this world is. I mean - thats where it starts. Then we hear about rape culture - and thats where this feeling kicks in. The fear to dress sexy because it feels ... like you're exposing yourself ... in an unsafe way. Which adds a conflict, eventually, because there is joy in ... dressing good. So - in the end, this mystical safe space is something I guess most of us, even crooks, are yearning for! I mean - in that place crooks had no reason to be crooks and hence they had no reason to be constantly afraid of getting caught by the police!

SO - in a sense, though I didn't quite "say" it, I argue that by looking for this safe-space you're 'actually' getting raped!
Because, what good would this safespace be if it meant that I couldn't have Sex anymore?!

Its convoluted - and while people actually have a case and point within that - ... there are people actively establishing the convoluted nonsense as straight. So - they have different issues on different frontiers that make sense in the context - but where it all comes together ... well ... it all falls apart!

I also find that this fear is extremely unwarranted. Thus ... I shifted it into this "we all have reasons to be afraid" category. Simply because generally, by walking around as a woman, I get 'nothing' from people that would make me anyhow ... afraid. Nervous maybe, but ... in a different way. I mean - there are those that look away, those that give me a stare of acknowledgment, ... those that try not to be offensive - and often enough I feel like people feel a little proud about ... acknowledging "me" - I mean, ... . The only folks that really stand out in a negative way are all the "Machos" - and ... I wouldn't expect differently from them. I mean - for once I don't think that its hard to see what my true biological gender is. And in that regard I'm pretty sure that I'm not the kind of person anyone of those would want to brag with in front of their friends. And I have zero ambitions to be anyhow upset about that. Like, does any street gang now need an alibi Tranny? Well, maybe!? Which is the other way. To not think of me there as a 'girl' but as a 'guy' - a 'friend' - ... but as that I know that I don't know them and hence have no business with them and hence I just don't care! And they don't care either! And I believe that this won't change until I'd try to rub my butt against one of them. Sotospeak.
By which I mean that my 'real life' me doesn't "get it".

ANd most of the stories about rape that I hear either deal with a lot of alcohol or the situation is ... not really all that street related. It happens at home ... and what happens there ... I mean ... yea, maybe I just don't know enough! I 'am' downplaying it maybe - and if I am ... sorry! I just don't see any clear evidence as to why I should do the opposite!

It shouldn't be us who bend over backwards just to give "them" some sense of security - it should be us being generally concerned about positively influencing our future. Where all that whining helps ... how? It tells us that we got to do something. "Duh!". Thats the whole premise forever and always. But yea - for all the fun that we can have about it - that some of the whining is really coming across as "urgent" ... well - isn't entirely irrelevant either. I mean - Trump is US president after all! The patriarchy couldn't have found a better representative ... sotospeak.
But Trump and 3rd wave feminism - they share similar goals. Censorship for instance.
Diminishing Videogames ... for whatever reason. Or ... rather ... turning them into "Live Services". Whatever that means!

Where, I would give those SJWs some credit for having accomplished some good things. Like - from that corner of myself where I actually do sympathize with the issues brought forward. That on one side is however ambushed for once by their own stupidity - and furthermore: Horizon was/is a pretty good game - except for here and there Aloy to me came across as a bit cringe-worthy because of certain dialogs that had "SJW Political Correctness" written all over it. "Too perfect" - in a sense. Its maybe just one conversation in the whole game, but still.

Well, in some way it all seems like a reboot of our past, just that this time idiots are in charge of everything.

And I play Ark! By which I mean: I'm german - I'm even somewhat proud of it - but looking at ... certain things I see on certain Ark servers ... I'm legitimately ashamed of being german. So, in Ark I am. In general its not an issue, but all it takes is one tribe that places its base 'around' an obelisk with Black-Red-Yellow everywhere and a Griffin named Adolf to ruin everything.
But I guess thats better than ... some ... what was his name? "Ultimate Illuminati" or something - who just casually placed a stone golem 'on' the Terminal at each Obelisk. Uhm ... so. What that means: Obelisks are places where you can upload and download dinosaurs (moving to another server) - as yourself. To do so you have to access the 'terminal'. Stone Golems can turn into stones ... and when placed 'on' the Terminal I can walk into them and approach the terminal, but I can't access it because the hit-detection thinks I'm pointing at the golem. (After I complained in the chat about it and asked what those people playing there did I was told that these beacons/loot-crates do the same things (They randomly spawn across the map)).

To say: I have no issue turning female 'and' not being an SJW/3rd-wave-feminist.

But its - still a tricky topic. I mean - there is this story that ReviewTechUSA covered - which was about a woman that yelled "Sexual Harassment" from having played a VR game. That because the game she was playing was a Online-Multiplayer game and some dude thought it was funny to "touch her crotch". And ReviewTechUSA gave his 5 cents on it which is basically ... the ... "first impression" type of response? "Sexual Harassment in a Video Game?!". At the time I was a bit opposed to his presentation - though being now in the same position to give my 5 cents on it; I too must acknowledge that it gets real in your head - like, you can get a similar feeling as in a free-fall tower by jumping from a really tall cliff in a Videogame. But on the other side you got to acknowledge that it is just in your head ... after all. Its a Video Game ... but what can you do to make him stop? To not be annoying? Well - isn't that the philosophers stone that MMO/Survival game devs are looking for? Maybe ask some LOL players about it too!

So, it just happens that from not trying to belittle those people, you actually get to belittle them even more! I mean - I can have as much empathy for that situation as it gets ... where does it end?

Once it gets clear that there is no practical value to this one side - it just turns out as hilarious. To some degree. A degree high enough to negate all empathy I had and further. Which then is a healthy reaction because it now actually deals with the real world. It ... seeks to 'perpetuate sanity'.
And if you took note, ... then one thing VR is going to be top at is ... some "Second Life" type of stuff. But ... "people don't want dirty games" ... right?

"of cooooooo~urse!"

Oh man, ... I hate censorship! I hate this meddling with what we're supposed to be OK with and what not! There are arguments to be had about what is OK and what not - but ... one silly thing when browsing for porn for instance is that typing in 'incest' doesn't generally yield any results anymore, but if you type in 'mom son' for instance you see plenty of 'not sons' that fuck 'not their mother' - or something like that. Which yea, is the more accurate set of terms to actually enter into the search bar ... if your interests are that specific. On the other hand is "Familienfick" a term that ... basically translates into incest but somehow it doesn't. Weird.

And so what if I'm into it? Its not that I'm actually thinking that about my own family - ... or "by the way".

"Double Standards". That was the word ... I meant to use instead of 'hypocrite' ... where I on the main-site wrote about certain things revolving around BDSM. And somehow there seems to be an issue with that part. But what issue? It can only be nonsense!

Like, if you don't like BDSM you're a Hypocrite? That would be the problem. That might be how it reads. Or if you're not inherently pro incest you're a bad person, ... because ... "reasons". And for anything other than flinging feces around ... we can't change stuff. Can we?

But who's flinging feces around? Talking about Hypocrites/Double Standards - ... yea who? For once this were an issue you'd have to solve with "them" that originated that statement. I can only add as much to that as I 'can' - and I 'can' see how for the most part these SJWs ... well ... aren't people I would generally trust. To any capacity. Let alone being free of bad habits.

Then I would like to argue that if you're in with them you're not thinking straight - and then you kindof ... deserved whatever disappointment you got coming your way!


But the modern SJW is basically pro-everything. Even so 'free-speech' - for as long as criticism can be flagged as hate speech and subsequently removed due to that.

"Dear UN leaders. I received hate on the Internet, therefore I propose you to announce me to the worlds sovereign leader so I can do something against it!". ... daaamn ...

If you wanna touch the fire you got to handle the heat!

And I almost lost to this point I guess. This was the second attempt. Botched the first one. Got into it in a weird way.
Like so, what does the term 'Double Standard' imply here? People try to rid the Internet of "filthy porn" (on a porn website ... btw) - and other people find a way to circumvent that. Did we, miss the point already? Oh - yea, porn! We're so in the territory of you telling me what porn is OK. And check: Pregnant women getting gangbanged seems to be totally OK. Because ... why not?
Censoring incest though ... thats awfully specific. Has something of a ... 'religiously motivated vibe' to it. ... ... ... and so ... I'm not legitimately writing about Double Standards here?

But yea - thats one issue. Where on the other side where its 'you' that need to be ashamed for not being totally open-minded about everything ... thats a totally different thing. Don't get those twisted!

In the end I have to look really carefully to make sure I don't have any double standards - and I can't with confidence claim that I'm innocent. Thats also ... a thing left there. But why is this still a thing? I don't get it. I'm ... too far into it? I'm not seeing it as a problem but something ... tells me ... it is. Maybe yea, ... because I'm making one out of it. ... ?

Its that kind of "words" issue, somehow, at this point. The word is 'double standard' ... which ... seems to make no sense. Looking at the other side ... removing 'incest' from the pool maybe takes weight away from people getting too eager to find 'real' incest videos. Same with 'rape'. Though now you got to wonder how much 'real rape' is actually on camera that doesn't right away look like it or is just labeled as "getting fucked hard".

All I'm trying to say here though is that I hate it. And right away the counter-argument comes around claiming stuff along the lines of "where does it end"? Well, apparently it doesn't end with 'snuff'. It didn't even begin there. Maybe the problem just was that too many young folks were looking for such? I can get behind that!
But ... if I can get around it ... with my "old" 34 years ... I'm sure that some teenager can do that too!

It makes no sense and that sortof breaks my head.

I mean, I ... feel like so: The moment I get to heavily advocate for a removal of censorship someone is already in place to show you the worse stuff you can possibly imagine, asking you if thats something you want to be for. And in reality this is the same thing as with freedom of speech. But ... somehow rather the inverse of it. So - not the freedom of speech but the freedom of consumption. In terms of freedom of speech "these" folks would show you a bunch of Nazis openly hailing Hitler and speaking against "people of (non-white) african background" (because the term 'afro-american' is insulting to all the (still) native africans) - where you couldn't possibly have any other response but the desire to deny them that.
You might so try to find where and when they meet and have a counter demonstration - like: "KKK is a club of and for faggots!". "You suck!". "Whiney White Men looking for attention". Stuff like that. But who would coordinate that?

It might seem menacing, but I'm sure that in a direct comparison they are a really small minority - which is why SJWism works. Which has the side-effect of influencing folks towards the right. When - so - caring about what some Sargon of Akkad has to say for instance. "But no, I'm actually quite liberal!". The thing with the Duck I say.
I mean, what initially got me interested in his channel was a piece on 'Cults' he's done. I found it informative and enlightening. In hindsight however - not even that holds up. Or in other words he is a cult-leader himself that is aware of what a cult is - himself telling you how to think about a cult - so ... which redeems him ... I guess?

But I'm here not asking anyone to do anything to the Internet. I don't care whether or not Incest is an 'allowed' search term or not. Except - if we get more general. That kind of meddling is at the base already entirely ... 'dangerous' even. It goes to tell me ... "the truth" ... that what I get isn't 'real' anymore. Sotospeak. I type in 'incest' and get nothing. Which doesn't mean that nothing of that sort is there! Maybe its an Anti-SJW protection mechanism. So - some SJW would go, type in 'incest' and be utterly upset about it. Thats how I picture it going down.
OKOK - these words ultimately don't make for family friendly 'SFW' content. I'm sorry - but ... fuck, horseshit, bitch, whore, pussy, vagina, penis. "Your Anus". Everyone ... even as old as me is practically a child that grew up with Southpark. I was a teen, but still - it counts. Not everyone is into it - but still. Not everyone has seen it - but still. "Please". Or am I now actually being more 'crass' than Southpark?

And yea - that ... thing about those folks that have sex with animals ... that was ... krass. "Kill me!". And as someone who would say is a bit if not a lot zoophilic as well ... its ... "offensive"! Bad! Southpark must be stopped! Uh, ... because of crass queefing jokes! Err ... and such.

But yea, the point is that there is some stuff on a site ... but typing in certain terms it won't show me. So, taking YouPorn ... it tells me that it couldn't find what I was looking for. "We tried, we really did!". Yea, my ass you did! Or did everything with 'incest' in the title get actually removed? Seems so ... ... so - I'm wrong then?
So - what I'm learning from that is that being straight with the Internet is bad!

'It' ... isn't straight.

And it makes no sense at all. No ... apparent one at least.

Its not that I think that I'm morally superior - in first place its about stuff I know is there - stuff I want - of which I personally don't care whether it is real or not. I rather have it being played because it ends up being of something we could call quality. And for the most part I don't trust this world with my opinions - so - just saying. I guess ... I need some "skip to here" kindof ... re entry point? Because decency?
Which wouldn't solve the issue ... though.

I'm a "bad girl" - and to some extent I guess thats the more important part that I got to write about. Which, ... brings us back to ... the usual. So, to make it quick I cut right to the end and write this: When having worked on something, like having done some programming, ... or anything non-sexual, that I enjoyed ... I retain that joy and wonder about it in contrast to it eventually being taken away. It gets me sad ... or something. Depressed? Well ... sortof - while various things do ascertain me ... like a strong positively calm feeling ... that I don't have to worry. But this, as the other side to it - where I rather want those things to be taken from me - ultimately ends up being tied to my mood. And one disqualifies the other - it would seem, but the latter is more compelling and covers the wider range of my moods. Both aren't entirely 'explored' properly yet - and neither is the gender situation.

What I really want to be - is to really be true to the bad girl in me and be a strong advocate of the most perverted rules we could possibly find to fuck each other. Ish. Which isn't unopposed ... as for instance by whatsoever would like to do some programming every now and then. Neither of the two really occupies my "main rationale" - its both equally irrelevant ... in that sense.

If this premise of mine turns you on - you might be one of us. However - one thing aside: By being open about myself I don't mean to really attract anymore. Or to seduce, ... or ... such. I would say that anyone trying to emphasize that side of me, claiming that I do, ... is doing it wrong! Its the concepts though ... as from those you can relate to yourself. Independently.

And yea, with that on mind the whole Double Standards issue isn't really an issue because we know - basically - that this is part of a system that gets rid of double standards by acknowledging that we're not all in the same boat ... after all. And before I try to explain to "them" how that works again - ... I rather ... don't do that.

We live in a world of greed - so the title proclaims. The issue now is that greed however isn't really directly about the money anymore. Although ... that doesn't work unless whatever they replace the quest for money with isn't somehow tied into a money making scheme. What really matters the most nowadays is to shift consumer interest towards their schemes. Because ... if you look around ... well, maybe not, ... but the point is still that those companies that don't grow ... eventually vanish. Bigger corporations take over smaller ones ... and in this concurrence driven market it is really highly ambiguous to filter out just what is actually better than the other. I mean, if you're into Apple ... OK, ... but is that a conscious choice? Like - have you really tested out everything else? Most of us didn't - reflecting upon whatever our brands of choice were! So - concurrence once again is horse-shit with the one consequence being that we have to work harder and harder to sustain this nonsense!
And by 'we' I here mean 'us' (everyone) in general - although in the meanwhile some get to work less. What I mean by 'us in general' is tied to poverty. I'm not working - and I doubt I ever will. But I'm still influenced by the economy. If we only can buy shit food - we only can buy shit food - and thats that. The "downward" market is that of cheap labor - where - the ability to basically eat shit is ... perhaps even a selling point. To say: If your concurrence are people more desperate for work than you, ... you're the unlucky one.

So yea, it is this around which we might get to an argument about which side is better, smarter, wiser ... but the golden rule is: Where there is a will there is a way. We would fail at certain points eventually - anyway - what this means is that once we don't want to fail we'll try and fix it. Anyway. True for both sides.

And again and again - the last point remains ... whats the deal with Luciferianism? It ends up being there - an issue. Like whenever I get to mention it ... I feel like you/folks/people wanted the opposite and I can't help but double down on it. But how? Maybe the thing is that you're stuck in some "glitch" - well - that gives you the impression that you're supposed to change. Into that/such. I for my part got to the impression that I might enjoy my future more if I now would be forced into an opposing mindset. How did that turn out?

Well - it ended with me more and more 'connecting' to my male desires and finding it oddly confusing because I couldn't fully 'indulge' ... in what these desires aspired for. Fantasy-wise. In the meanwhile I found myself getting more and more comfortable with it - as eventually incapable of balancing that out. The ... natural imbalance that so occurs from wanting something you don't quite actually want that much - while being incapable to really enjoy what you really want to enjoy!
And thats saying as much that if you're a sick psycho that thinks he can't enjoy anything but being a sick psycho - there might be hope for you. If I try to distance myself from "such people" I generally mean it - while the issue of who ends up how on the other side is a totally separate issue; As I 'have to' consider that someone who now is a sick psycho might actually not be ... wanting to be on that side of things anymore. Similar to how I was pretty much ... the opposite to myself.

Which is something I guess can easily scare someone.

But this other side has always been there - thats why ... I ... actually ended up being as alright with it as ... those things ... "would require me to".

And yea - finally there is no place for 'sick psychos' in paradise. There are certain rules that ... well, basically - first of all - whats the usual 'relationship status' of a "sick psycho". I mean - being this average guy with dark secrets? Thats one thing. I can ... see how that isn't as much 'sick psycho' as it is ... 'circumstantially troubled'. Those people - I think - don't really mean any harm. But what do I know? I'm not supposed to be their judge! What matters is 'your' ambition - to either be good or bad. That there is such a thing as the realm of darkness - well - I guess it really doesn't help as much. Except to maybe add context to the issue of who/what we are ... or what we are 'not' by throwing in some curve-balls. Sotospeak. And I might just have been the first officially recognized Sex Slave!
The thing is that this place where you'd enter and have "all that" - that isn't what we ... well, ... I mean, thats what I would argue is the afterlife. In real life ... things are a bit different. In general though one who's into raping has to see that not everyone wants to be raped - and thats ... the big thing. ANd once someone is into rape it would happen by the grace of God that you'd get the same if not better highs ... as ... the lust that controls these things is all about ... from the rapists perspective ... the act ... which a 'welcoming' partner would only complement, ... . Even if this partner is your spouse that needs all the spousal attention. The more effort you'd put into it - the more entitled you were to rape ... "her". Or "rape" her. We'd omit the quotation marks on 'rape' because we'd think its still sortof real rape; Although entirely consensual as based on mutual desires.

As I still enjoy the idea ... of being food. I ... aspire it. I ... have a childish fancy for it.

But thats enough for now!