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Adjustment Matrix

General StuffPosted by Nicole Wed, May 09, 2018 11:47:36

[Because Superstars can't be trusted?]


Astair ... what is it? A Telepathic phenomenon or just a psychosis? I really wonder! Some time ago I wrote about it and came to link one of my own Videos into the article - and that made me sour. I felt it - I had the absolute certainty that the views on that video basically wouldn't go up. I wrote there that I'd try something and after that I felt a bit better. Probably I just fixed the thing in my head so I could let go. But so, that wasn't an act of reasoning. It was an act of brute force, basically.

I'd say that if you like someone and then feel insecure, thats also part of it. But sure - some people want to object to that and loudly so - I mean, as my next step of argument is that there are others where this insecurity "magically" isn't there. Rather you feel like enchanted. Compelled to adore them in some way. Well, ... sometimes you just got to eat shit until you can't.

Hmm. OK - then, I "apparently" am Transsexual. I have to write about it so because everything else gives me a strange vibe. So, nobody believes that I actually 'am' transsexual. Well, it matters to 'me' - believe it or not! The point is that I was ... I guess describing it won't matter. The point is that I "saw the Light" - the one thing that would fix my life - but I acted against it. I swallowed it up, turned around and thought "maybe another day". By which I mean that I so suppose that 'you' are ... "fundamentally screwed". Its like ... you're walking through a desert and then there's a bottle of water and you're really really thirsty. You know you want to drink it - but instead you swallow your thirst down and pass it by. Because its "the right thing to do".

Do you get any emotional vibes from this? Like, believing me, not believing me, ... stuff like that? How is it? I mean - do we know each other?

Yea, some might "Golden Chain" you into believing that there is, as i say, this telepathic field of ... whatever ... "higher consciousness" and by all the information available you could conclude that you ought to believe me or not. Why one would be valid above the other - I could tell you what I think, ... but thats your life. I'm part of your videogame ... basically.

There's a strange thing with Keanu Reeves going on in my head. Just like this Astair stuff. I don't know him - and thats fundamentally clear to me. Each twitter round I so had the impression that he'd check out what I got. But each time it was as though he did so for the first time. The problem is, what can I do about it? Ultimately I can only ignore it and never try again. Else, its a cycle of doom. I try ... I think this way or that way ... and once nothing happened I either believe that stuff is going on or I accept that nobody knows or cares or whatever and try again. And while I think that this is 'perfectly healthy' although "troubled" - some would call it a psychosis and lock me away for ever having dared to speak out!


Some call "it" 'the Mission' - so, the thing each and every Christian is supposed to do. When I say it - its: I have a "message" I want to "share with the world".

I could tell you about it. About 'why' I'm not a good and obedient Mormon and doing my Mission there. But ... that would mean you had to think - and if you were able to comprehend, I wouldn't need to write about it 'again'.


I think though that I know Keanu. I think I know everybody. And I think that other people think they do that too. And end up calling 'me' delusional. But well. On the other side I know "Keanu" from watching the Matrix and getting this impression that he's the evil guy behind those movies and that the movies have actually just been a huge "Illuminati" Sex Party of some sort. Well, you get there in stages. At first you maybe thinking that Hollywood is normal business and so the movie is no different to any other movie and so Keanu is just an actor. So if you want to think evil into him there isn't much that could support it. Then we could take Persephone. Uh. Monica. Now, I have to refer to myself, but that'll mess things up a little. So, I'll put [me] in brackets. So, Monica is "supposed to" be with [me] (the good guy) - and now there's this kissing scene between them. So, now he has a motive - but no power to pursue it ... "except" we bend things around to make sense like that.
The same has happened to me with Stargate SG1. First you have to think that the Stargate is actually real, ... and that SG1 is real as well - but that the real SG1 actually has teamed up with the Gua'Uld and just pretends being the heroes. Makes the whole thing nearly unwatchable. Although Mitchell is I guess 'strange' enough to make the whole thing a little less believable.

Is that the force telling me the truth? Or why is it getting so 'dense'?
It might be my own energy that I put into liking things that then by a few twists of thoughts turns negative.

So, thinking about that Video of mine; Or my channel. I would so be in a good mood writing things, having that feeling that everything is going well - and so Videos I link in - well, they already have views and will certainly get more. So, there's nothing odd. But at the point where I link my own video in I get ... "softlocked". I see no traffic at all - and I would blame my readers for not checking it out; And all that positive energy that I had all of a sudden goes ill. I want to believe I have readers - and not having any ... well ... Hello? ... is the problem I can't get around.


So, you can call me psychotic all the way you want. If you cannot come up with 'reason' - you're the one thats psychotic! In my book!


So, I don't know you; You don't know me - and we both don't know if we ever want to have contact. Everyone thinks that if its the good thing 'someone' will be doing something - and thus nobody is gonna do anything. And there 'our' problem - the problem of "us" the people which basically are 'fed up' by all the government/politics bullshit basically - is that those that 'do' are busy 'doing' ... business. Or, "the 'doers' are 'doing' wrong" - so, who's left to do right? What 'can' {we} do?


This whole thing is messed up. As by my own perception. I could tell you about me and you'd tell me that I'm transsexual. But why can I not say it myself? Why does it feel wrong? Why is it that when I have the impression that people are arguing with me in their minds, that they see me as the bad guy? Why is it that I myself have difficulties believing that I am who I am?

Why is it that 90% of the things I believe in are stupid excuses I think are made up by someone to ignore the things that I'm doing?
I mean - I write something, have an argument; Lets just boil it down to the Matrix thing; And what I end up believing in is that it isn't 100% clear whether or not it was entirely made by man. So, along that narrow thing where its all about ... what it means. But the point is that it is about the RNG - not the record of it. The RNG happening 'live'. I mean, lets say we had a mechanical Random Number Generator and a list of tracks so everyone can check that this is true random. We then record it, share it - and then all evidence of the mechanical side disappeared. So, whats the argument? That we can't figure out whether it was made by man or that we need to do it once more for the RNG?
Both is correct - in a way. So I'm compelled to believe in the one thing although its entirely superfluous. A huge stinkin' pile of bullshit.


It is for things like this that I believe that there's more about Taylor Swift than what meets my eye. As I've written about. I however feel ... torn ... or tormented ... like I need to let go of it. And maybe I do. For her sake. I believe that whatever I like is getting disliked and what I dislike is getting liked. So, maybe I should become a Trump supporter.
People that don't like Trump don't do so because of emotional reasons! That I'm pretty sure about! Maybe emotional - but that established on some intellectual base. If you value protection of our ecosystem for instance - Trumps right out the window. Booted. "You're fired!".
But the issue here is ... super weird. So, no matter how I feel about her - God to me dismisses her as "not baptized" and thats how I get to have some distance. But still there is something. And eventually she's just too on point with a lot of things about me for me to really take her really seriously. But so she's either really 'that' person - as in her Delicate video - ... I mean, not only do I 'feel' that way, I've done all the silly things myself at some point. Hmm, OK - the one thing is from a Charlie Sheen movie. And who doesn't?
And so is the road to realizing my own delusion. Again.


But so, life is hard! I feel like thats a controversial thing in the whole Matrix thing. Its by the way one of those arguments someone "had" with me and anyway. I hear it so often. I was talking to that Neurologist regarding my eating disorder - and I wrote of it too. They don't seem to want to help me. So she's like "what can I do?" and if I make a suggestion like a health cure, like - yea, to gain some weight if hospitals don't want to do it - and all she has to offer is "health cure from doing nothing?".

No ... at some point its got to be a health cure from STUPID FUCKING PEOPLE LIKE THAT!

OK. [Calm Down]. Inevitably you must notice that I have an agenda. OK? If that hits you as a surprise ... what do you think this whole daeryabaar thing is about? My ego? So, people don't even read a word and assume they know everything? Could that be 'my actual problem'? Oh, those page 2 things. I mean, the link there is so obscure ... so hidden ... so inaccessible ... and still people would find it as 'the first' thing - I assume. Before reading a single word. And my argument of "taken out of context" is not valid?
So, I have an agenda and it is there inside of the words. It may be "disguised" within a story - but telling my story to me were the best way to get the thing across. To also say that I don't magically know everything. I had to 'do' stuff and 'go through' stuff to get there.

So, I have this interest in sharing my findings with "you" - and I hope that something good would come of it. If this is too complex for you - go back and read up on it! I'm serious! The fuck are you doing here anyway? OK OK - suit yourself. But still! Don't forget it! Else you're just here for your own amusement on my cost - eventually - and sorry; I wrote those things so that I wouldn't have to repeat myself over and over again.

So I have an interest or investment in "things" round about 'the thing' *UNIFICATION* ... and if thats not going anywhere, its pissing me off! Naturally. So, one stone in the backpack. Then there are thoughts that bother me. I write something ... like this. Then I spot a mistake or feel a need to update on some things - and so I spend hours upon hours writing shit that probably nobody is going to read ever; Day screwed, evening screwed, its early in the morning or late at night or even noon - and I got to go to sleep.

Fix my life? Yea. Wouldn't it be fine? Thats what I would call "doing nothing". In regards to what my goals are. Just "screw it" - leaving all of this behind - so, giving it up, ... . Yea, then you might say that I have an easy life. Or no reason to complain that it is 'hard'. Although even that is easily bullshit.

How can I ... ? OK, lets say that if I did things differently things were easier for me. Wanna switch places? "And he will not rest until he has established righteousness on earth!" ... now ... good luck with that! Oh ... can't be me!? I only happen to be the guy who has the signs ... but ... anyway ... "who cares!"?

I don't? You sure about that?
Wanna find out?
No?

... thats what I thought!


And now something serious at the end? How about Antichristians and the "Evil Seal"? While I was writing - yea, I did that - about how to be worthy for Unification - yea, I did that (one of the things that were necessary, something I had to write about, to make sense of it for myself; And that didn't happen until I've written in length about a whole lot of stuff. Someone could have just told me: Uhm, how about that? - but yea ... 'who' ... could have? I see nobody!) - I figured that that might actually work for the Antichrist. But what I saw was ... as though he were incapable of it. And now I wonder. Could that be it? The "Fuck You" from God? Locked away to remain a wrong-doer until ... well, all the people he's hurt and done injustice to are redeemed? I mean, it is however one thing that'd come with repentance. Dropping all the bullshit.

Oh, why I'm asking?
Should I know?
How should I know?
God telling me?
Did I ...

sigh.


If God were telling me things to tell you I'd be telling you those things. And there's a difference between God communicating with me the way He does and two people talking. If God dictated an essay to me - I could give that to you. Thats what I'm saying. God does however not do that! Thats ... part of my story! I had to 'discover' things; They weren't told to me!

And thats something I would here and there mention as a good thing. At the very least is this so not going to turn into a dictatorship where you have to believe me because I say so. But "how"? ... is it really that important? There are things that are definite - a.k.a. Baptism and Unification - and if thats too much for you to comprehend ... try harder!

How I know? I know that I got in and that since then everything changed for me. The problem is that I'm alone. The Bible says: Wherever there are two or more assembled in my name, I will be amongst them. So, just 'one' argument on that note. Wanna debate? What God should or shouldn't do? Like you know any of it? "But how should 'we' know then?". How? If I just told you? How would you know? So, you're the idiot because God didn't dictate your shit to you! Thats the conclusion then, right?


Anyway. The question whether 'they' are "Fuck You"'d by God or not has an interesting side-effect. You can feel bad for both. For being amused about it or for having sympathy with them. Will they change? At some point their time will have run out. They might think they're lost and thus double down on their nonsense - and how to ever stop them from that? Is it just their own delusion or did they give up freedom to become a part of that evil union? Anyway ... it has long been foretold ... to say that whatever doubling down they are into doing will not ultimately be 'too much' for the rest.

I however wouldn't want to say that its "over". But straight enough - if you're not one of them you're free; I suppose - and you might not realize that you're good to go because you're waiting for some "feeling". You should "reflect before God". There's no way around asking for His help. And if you got told that God doesn't want that ... think again! "But why would he not ..." >... whatever! Give a fuck! Who cares? Just do it for crying out loud! Or are you too proud? Afraid that it would diminish your glory? Well, it can't be as terrible as flatout going the wrong way and that with determination! "Hot and Cold". So, wrongdoing is now the right thing? So, if you're 'cold' - a.k.a. bad on purpose - thats ... good? Do you even know what you're doing? If the answer is akin to "who cares?" - that sounds more like lukewarm to me!


And so I got a new 'thing' I got to push to the frontpage. Some "meditation advise". And this means that I have another fetch-quest on my objectives ... and I'm long past the point where I'd suggest that its "just that". Just like so! I'm not even done with this and 'already' have something else to work on. Not regarding all the other things I still have on mind but not quite actively so. So, FUCK YOU if you think my life is easy!

Oh yea, and if I ever had the time I might want to dig through all the stuff I've written and put it into a better form.

But then ... maybe this is good enough for 'meditation advise'. Depends on ... how I'll "feel". Because: Once God does give me thoughts to write about, they are there in my spirit and energized so I can write about them. If instead there is 'no' 'binding energy' - and the issue looks too convoluted - I guess its gonna take some while before I figure out 'what' I need to know in order to get going with that. Thats ... my 'work' at this point; While 'actually' my goal is to decode the Sealed Scriptures ... but ... I don't see that happen anytime soon. Not in this mess of a situation. And thats a thing too! Just thinking about it gets my screwed. Space is important too. Because whenever I close a book its closed. Eventually I have to sort it away. And then its forgotten and forgotten. There's no record - nobody to double check with - just nothing. And that is what I get from thinking about it. A strong confusion composed of lots of things and this being one of the more rational things I can take from that.

But yea, why don't I just swipe my desk clear? Would my desk be enough? I'm sure that if 'you' had to work on it - you couldn't fit all the people you'd need into this room! So ... just ... "shut up!".

And anyway! If you don't know what you're looking at its pointless anyway! So, there may be a passage you could understand in more than just one way ... what you do? Think about it? Good idea! But ... wouldn't that be too easy? I realized that after some time of growing I knew stuff - and therefrom I could understand certain parables. And I'd be flabbergasted if anyone could figure that out just by thinking/pondering on it. "Needless" P) to say that its pointless if you can't even get 'in' (Enlightenment/Unification ... sigh ... with the Allsurrounding Spirit/God/the Lord/whatever. "You probably know better" anyway)!


Yea, dealing with people like "you" is part of the job description! The catch though is that there is no direct interaction. So, go figure!


No! Seriously. I believe people will just go and say "No, you got to figure that out on your own!". The irony though is that the reverse is true! You got to figure things out for your own! I'm just doing you the favor of making things easier! "Derp Derp" (You call this easy?) - no ... 'easIER'. Try to figure all this out on your own! You're not a Mormon? Wouldn't even have suggested it? ... Thats one!

What sucks the most about God is that He's always right! You can't argue with this because 'the Matrix'.


Bona Fide!