So, dear ... Readers ... if I have any ... this is a good opportunity to take a look at something Mysterious. Taylor Swift that is.
Segulo tells me she's a good girl - but, ... the immediate Questions I'd like to get answered thereafter ... well ... they're not clear. This either means its time that will tell or there ... well, whatever information there is, it might be good to think about that first.
Now, I write this in "memory" of J.Lo. My Big Mistake #2 and "Fake Love like this" #1. I'm about to call her (Taylor) J.Lo 3.0 - because 2.0 ... I don't know ... seems to be occupied by someone ... though for as far as I can tell its 2.0.
It may be hard to comprehend how I fell back then, but ... looking at Taylor ... might make it comprehensive. She's ... perfect! She seems to know a lot about me. Its like ... multiplying 1 by 1. Hitting all the right buttons. In Video and by Lyrics. So, in terms of the Star Wars issue she's been there in my 'end game' - and thinking of that as a fresh start, ... the 'first string'.
But how am I to think of it?
On reviewing 'Look what you made me do' - I for a moment had the 'clear' impression that I might have to think of it the other way. That all of it was written and designed by my enemy, resorting to all the intimate information he had about me - where, the whole SHODAN thing isn't really new - and from there into Ghost in the Shell isn't ... "too hard to guess" I would say. Then it goes on, her show that is, to push all the buttons ... like "Have hope/trust in me", "Dream of what we do", ... and thats usually how it began/begins.
But ... "nobody needs to know" ... as, I am - possibly predictably so - not in a mood of exposing myself ... so, I should rather stay quiet about it and hope that eventually she's gonna come for me. Yea ... I mean, ... she's clearly the 'male' here. If we're thinking of birds. Or her videos taken as the courting process. And thats one of the things I know about myself and might be generally so with m2f Transsexuals - that we're women. We want to be courted, rather than being shoved to playing the male part.
And hey, so I'm the Damsel in Distress. "Cool".
Anyhow. The two things yet fit together. There would be the producer/writer giving her the text and stuff; She'd be happy to perform playing the next hip Pop Star ... and when I get across her ... its either that I'm weird and can be shrugged off, or I'm actually doing fine and "he" can say that its just one of his hoaxes.
And thats it. Thats what I got on her.
Hmm ... except that beyond that - this isn't a really new thing to me. I had this thought/impression before - that I'm nobody, or just a hoax. Whenever I had an audience, way back that is, or felt like it - and I wondered "why" nothing happened - its that. Them using their 'high ground' to just ... shrug it off. I mean, just ... like I described. Its no new impression. ...
While, no matter how hard I struggled - I'm trying to nail it as good as possible - I'd be one of them, working on their behalf, or having been one of them - yea - but went rogue. Something like that.
And if I want to get heard, ... thats just part of the hoax of course. P) ...
Even 'blank space' - although - thats a weird one. I'm sure I had polygamic thoughts at that time already - so - it wouldn't take much to make that jump; But would at that also be some way ahead of me. That because to me things had been fixed. And for whats 'intimate' that is how it is to me. Yet it makes sense - but that wouldn't be the first time - ... as I seem to have that blank space too. I mean ... in a distant way. My "romancing set" is full ... but I feel like there should be more, just to create some space for living. So, that then makes this more of an 'except' - rather than 'even'.
And so I further feel about her, well, that there is no danger. Were it not for this I'd say ... well ... "I'm full - bad luck!" - or 'immune' because ... I'm not really looking for someone, am rather happy the way I am - except that all of 'them' seem to, ... kindof look the other way. Which, on skeptical planes, sets her at a ... 2:1 right now.
Which means there is prophetic value to her ... 'activities' ... which turns that one Video where she plays an actress ... where its about "at least Pretending" ... on the positive side rather than the negative one. Digging deeper I read that she's in deed writer and producer ... so ... wow! I didn't ... see that coming! And she's single? I mean - that would be the final thing. Like ... for once ... . All the others are all married or ex-married, ... not that it bothered me but ... single works for me too! :P...
And for the time being, I have no other objective but to wait for my rescue. So, ... whatever! (Some right-wing populists would hate it though! So, one more point!)
And thats kindof how it happened back then. From A to B to C, things came across as more and more reasonable. Whats missing though is that hole of emotions I fell into. I mean, that ... delusional 'thick' of "heart warming" desires/feelings that'd get me craving.
What gets me though is that I can't tell ... because ... she has a reference to Jet Li's 'the One' somewhere, holding them two bikes. If thats just her taste, thats good, if thats a vision it would relate to one of my Videos on YouTube, good also, ... or she knows it and it refers to that - which, ... would make it ... weird.
Wondering ... why. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
It seems like I could get along with her rather well ... in a way I didn't think possible. I'm gonna be surprised I guess! Or not. Which ... goes both ways. So, ... ... ... basically I think I'm way too optimistic now. But it doesn't 'feel' wrong. Saying ... if it were "too" something, ... there should be a hint of negative consequences. ...
So then, ... OK. By now I would be disappointed if it were fake/wrong. And now I'm a bit embarrassed. "Perfect!" "See ya then!" - I guess.
Now it stinks! ... But that might just be a scent of reality there.
OK, am I supposed to leave this on a negative note? Nah ... whatever. Who even cares?