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Equality of Outcome?

General StuffPosted by Nicole Fri, March 23, 2018 08:24:00
LOL - this is funny! I mean - the previous article is I guess a perfect example of how feeble my mind. I made a big deal of what the topic would be but then not quite actually got into the equality of opportunity vs outcome issue. And as it seems, so it will be here because the actual topic would be:


(as in: The American one)

I'm not American, I haven't grown up there - so outside of what I catch through media coverage of some kind I can't quite grasp what it means ... to America, to an American, ... in general, etc. and stuff. On the other side am I rather familiar with things that Germany has - and might not appear as that to the outside. The word 'people' for instance. I ... I get the sense that whether I use 'people' or 'folks' is not entirely trivial. I tend to use the word 'people' - but then feel as though ... there is something negative about it. As a German however - well. People or Folks are the same word: 'Volk'. But since ... well, there was a period in our history where words such as 'Volk' and 'Reich' were common - and we see those words here and there in pictures of that era. But ... we associate negatively to it. We want to distance ourselves from that era; And respectively do we not like using those words. You'll find certain people though ... being however on the other end of that. So Germany isn't a 'Reich' - but a 'Land'. 'Deutschland' (German Land) as opposed to 'Das Deutsche Reich' (the German realm).
So I use 'people' rather than 'folks' - while 'people' I guess could be perceived as one of those words that ends up sickening people ... folks ... beacuse of its over-usage in speeches that perhaps generalize or ... patronize.

The value of the US Constitution however really comes to surface these days. There is a lot of political tension and some of it just goes far and beyond what we would call 'common sense conduct'. Its the thing though. Rulers that when in power assume they can do whatever they want. Which is why the Constitution has been written in a way to prevent that. But then thats just words - what do they mean if the ruler is just on a rampage of ignoring them? Well, unless its convenient to abuse the crowds attachment to it.
The power of the Constitution comes in form of its content and how that content matters to ... folks. Referring to a right that is a right as by the constitution is saying that its 'guaranteed within the foundation of our nation/society'. It is more of a society because it is a nation of immigrants from a lot of different places. It may just be words - but once those are removed ... there is no referring to them. So, there then are no guaranteed rights. Then there is 'having them there' - but not actually meaning anything. Thats the problematic grey-area where the complexity of today for instance sparks the need to get more specific.

That the government is built on a constitution means that the government needs to operate by its rules in order to be logical. So is the question for the meaning of the Constitution in this conflict as a rekindling of the civil war. Or 'a' civil war. "So, do we have constitutional rights or not?" - ... . Germany doesn't really have a Constitution, but we have a 'Foundational Law'. Its functionally the same because its at the bottom of it all. There we have the first article reading as first thing: 'The dignity of a human being is untouchable. To venerate and protect it is obligation of all stately power.'. The second point reads: 'The German people therefore confess to invulnerable and inalienable human rights as foundation of every human community, of peace and of righteousness in the world'.

So, the real danger comes in as someone who doesn't believe in those things were to get the power upon a society that does. The consensus gives power to those words. And ... so, looking at article two of the German ... Constitution ... we can look at another danger ... which is 'conflict'. In article two we get the rights of 'freedom to unfold our personality', 'life' and 'physical safety' - but each point, while introducing a right, also introduces a 'but' - and the 'but' in this case is "except the law states otherwise". And thats fine! Its reasonable! But that only for as long as the respective buts are. And while we have lawmakers that believe in those rights however - we should be relatively safe. Along the lines of "we get the idea". We understand the intention behind the Law ... and thats that ... and so we don't mind that the German "Constitution" is essentially a book.
Looking at the volume of Laws we have it would seem that we are totally not free - but for the most part they don't affect us because everything is basically done within reason.

That said - I'm certainly not the only German that grew up as a "Fan" of the USA. But as I grow older - and the USA also - that USA I was a fan of is more of an idea. A fiction - ... a setting for a fantasy movie. Most of that fandom comes down to stuff about Freedom and Liberty. To me as a German, the USA were as a sail essentially. We Germans have freedom but a thick Law as a constitution and that translates into our lifestyle. We love to norm and regulate everything - which is I guess just our own take on our God-given freedom. Arguing that we nonetheless believe the same. And that becomes really evident when considering ... well, speaking of media and entertainment we're all compatible to the same ideas - give or take. Germany is more open towards Sex than it is to Violence ... but yea.

But now I'm blown off to ... relief some other tensions.

"Is it so"???

General StuffPosted by Nicole Thu, March 22, 2018 07:41:03

[Anti SJW resolution, Blue Lightsaber]

So, ... there are a lot of things on my mind that I so far couldn't really be bothered to write about. Things that run through my mind when I'm not really able to get triggered to write about it - and are forgotten the moment thereafter. One idea would be to think about what impressions I have of Antichristians to share some idea of what you're up against, ... and while I'm at it - an example to get the sight away from the whole SJW nonsense maybe: 9/11. 9/11 to me is something that happened because someone wanted it to happen; And wouldn't divert from it no matter the reason. So, there is a reason to do something - and you must therefore be ice-cold in your "calculus and exodus" to get there. So, "people might figure out that its fake" doesn't count for "what does he care?". And at some point this blip of reason also links into "courtroom reasoning" where witnesses can be bought, evidence faked, ... and it eventually just comes down to having the money to "box out" any counter-argument.

But as I now write ... those things vanish and only one, eventually, remains.

The actual thing here was to be about SJW argumentation again - yet while I so started I had to think of this and then that.

More specifically thought: This is to be about 'equality of opportunity vs. equality of outcome'.

I think this is one of those "loose ends" within this whole SJW vs Anti-SJWs [You are an islamist | and you are a feminist || we have so much in coom-mon!] ... "conversation".

Hmm ... oh yea. Street Fighter was another of those many things. Specifically balance. And that jumped to my mind because of the headline. Where I now might again write of two things at the same time. I can explain the headline by getting further into this Street Fighter issue. Though now I could take another swing around to generate an outsider friendly introduction.

(Maybe start at 10:00)

Street Fighter is similar. As how things were for me ... I first had to get comfortable with the pace. Thats number one. Playing against the AI is one thing, but being good against humans another. Pacing is important. You have to adjust to the speed of the opponent - by which I mean you at first have to kindof get used to the 'general pace' you have to play/think on to be somewhat competitive. Practicing combos can help you in that they generally determine the baseline of the beat - as, those are the ones you're gonna use "end game" - although, its not just that. There are many ways in I guess, but before being able to use the special moves properly you should get a practical feel for a Characters Normals. Those are your basic tools ... they start combos, can be chained into specials and supers and yea ... are your basic tools of doing stuff. The pacing I mentioned before applies here as your way 'into' the fight. And that is further situational. But first once you got used to the pace could you effectively make use of combos that you have learned - as otherwise their effectiveness would depend purely on luck.
Then we have footsies and pokes and shimmies, zoning, neutral game ... and I consider that the 'vast open' because ... you won't get to any of that unless you have some familiarity with the game and then you have to 'get better' - which here translates into: Developing your own style. Which doesn't say that you shouldn't copy other players. You should ... while you'll automatically get your own way out of the tools you have assembled. Eventually you'll so get to those "aaah" moments - and at those you have an insight based upon which you can make more informed decisions about what you're dealing with.

All along you have to deal with a lot of seemingly "unorthodox" gameplay from your opponents. You'll encounter a Character and tell yourself "Ah, that should be easy!" and the person plays in a way you totally didn't see coming. "Fear Opponents" would be those Characters that I would say come with that intrinsic "mindset" of how the Character is played - which also depends on what kind of person is playing it. There would be a variety of reasons to pick Ken. So you'll meet those that play in a way that beats you - and thats the segue into 'Balance' issues.

Now I get to my actual argument and - for some reason I actually don't have one. Its more of a question. Balance issues. Do I have a stance on that? Yes! I however actually don't really lean either way, but am by mental aspects yet compelled to argue on base of balance ... where imbalance however an intrinsic aspect of the system. The moment you have two different Characters with different kinds of abilities - where as you vary their speeds you also vary their strengths - you have imbalance.

And so the headline is basically ... a shredder put in place against demands for consolidated answers within uncertain conditions. Consolidated answers come out once we have figured something out. First there's the "ah" ... then there's the work that comes from it. So, asking me for some answers could potentially be regarded as asking me to conjure up a way to time-travel.

Which as you may notice is a statement rooted in a physical as opposed to a theological understanding. I don't invoke God to provide an elusive argument I can't support. What wisdom I could conjure depends on the expanse of my mind - and I would suppose that the human spirit holds its memory even once the mind is being wiped. I think of it as ... 'dark crystals'. Crystals without light - where - once we grow older we eventually re-activate old pockets of consciousness ... though it takes time to "fill them out" ... though we can only do that to a limited extend - I suppose. So, ... rather than it lighting up and making us by a lifetime smarter - there's more something of a 'fizzle' ... as of fizzy powder reacting with a wet surface. So, the old 'meanings' come back in a way.
So do I have the theory that I got schooled between my lifetimes so I would be fit for this task.

Next to other things I'd have to offer.

God works with physics. Through physics. We are bound to physics as the first thing we have to notice in this life. Learning to walk, learning to talk. If you want to impose theological concepts upon that, ... we are to expect Gods actions to be in correspondence with yours; And reality as it stands would however speak against that.

Yea. Sure God 'has the power' ... but so do I have the power to spastically run through the streets naked until I'm out of energy ... or stopped ... but yea, ... I don't. And I doubt that I would, even if I were free to do so.

The physical component implies growth, learning - and - what else could be life to us be about? I mean, what else have we? What else defines us? Our own wanting ... sure - but the more we see and know, ... the more we can want. Its again as in Street Fighter. You may so get used to a Character, learn to play it - but then you might see someone play the Character in a way you never thought of before. I mean ... sorry. Kids of today might not understand that. While I was a kid there was no such thing as the internet. So, you wouldn't see a lot of other people play a game. There was no easy way to get an idea of how good you are - all that came with the internet. So, that people sharing their play would allow us to see how good or bad that person plays in comparison to ones self ... and one thing leads to the other ... and despite the Internet there are still truths to the thing.

Safely speaking: Asking me to time-travel is asking for a miracle - a miracle you would have to be able to 'back' somehow - to make it a valuable argument/case. You would have to guarantee that this miracle were to happen for me to be able to trust your stance on the matter.

On the other hand however: If we have it from God that there is a thing that we are asked - and we apply the same line of reason unto that, arguing that we thereby also would need to assume miracles we can't ultimately guarantee ... you accuse God of deception. Or stupidity. Because why would God ask us a thing and then abandon us if we complied?

Anyway ... moving forward ... as of whats currently running on my screen I have to emphasize that I don't fully agree with any of those people that I refer to here and there. Clearly - as they take an Atheistic stance I can only agree with them as I make the abstraction - which however isn't all that difficult. Sometimes I think that their arguments against feminism are unfair - but I can't really deny them their argument either - especially since at this point the whole issue is ... its a global issue, basically. And we don't have clear targets as we're basically speaking of movements. There are clear targets - those few that generate the incentive to a counter-stance - and at that point being any more specific or nuanced on a person by person basis is difficult. So, if "SWJ vs Anti SJW" to you is 'Anita Sarkeesian vs. Sargon of Akkad' - then I don't feel addressed by your concerns! Basically. Technically. I would feel as I had reasons to believe that you'd however count me into that.

And now - the headline part 2. "Is it so?". What? ...

Thinking of what I want to write next ... where ... do Feminists have a valid case? I mean, where I think that the arguments made are unfair ... whats ... my conclusion as I yet got to listen to the presented case?

In this particular case ... I lean towards the female, which however leads me to expressively imply a suggestion which argues that females have different social standards than males. We socialize differently - and "bitching" ... would seem to be one of those things that ... then generates hubs which would attract a certain type of males. And the solution to the "SJW problem" however ... came to me as surprisingly simple!

It is clear that we speak of social evolution - or ... struggle about which social construct there is to be next. ... But first ... I would like you to watch this video:

Its not really important here, but ... it adds context.

[Hmm ... Luke isn't a 'Grey' Jedi - ... he's a 'Dark' Jedi]

Sidetrack: Brutality and Violence as a fetish ... sounds scary. I would be scared to admit it. And that is justified. However not only nor even primarily regarding social considerations. Well, more or less. What I imply is first of all what matters - and as at first the clear negative of those dominates on the mind. And here we are stuck ... arguing around ... until we get to 'the next Level' - or some next Level - where in this case I can provide the case of diversification.

The first thing that defines the line I want to draw is the difference between good and evil in terms of fetishes. Lining out that there is an 'evil' bloodlust vs. a 'good' one. To understand the 'evil' type we have to understand evil as a whole, ... . On the other hand we might try understanding that which is good. Which would be closer.

Another sidetrack: Continuing on the [F] issue - I think there is a think about rights. So, the argument that I am who I am because of [someone] - and therefore am in some way indebted to [that one]. And its a think I don't like. If I give, I give for free. I can't expect anything back as that wasn't agreed upon. I want to expect something in return - as, ... that would be cool - but it isn't a necessity. And how the relationship evolves is in some ways down to that.//

The way I understand it does evil emerge as the mind grows against that which is good or is in some other way lost to it. Therein a psyche would to my understanding be eventually be dragged into the good-zone one way or another, wherein then another form of evil arises where the individual grows against that.

The way I understand it however also suggests that this can in some way continue forever in harmony with the good. This is however as from the individual that seeks this harmony. It is naturally our own part to the whole story. And accepting the circumstances as God-given is somehow part of the package. Accepting divine judgment, accepting that we're inferior - just so to get those few things straight - so we can ... co-exist on eye-level, basically.

As our synergy with God can grow deeper and deeper, our "againstness" can. As you can replace the term [God] with ... "anything". Like Tarantino and asking him Questions about Violence in movies. I'm sure though that as there were reason to further talk about it, he would.

The way I get it ... there's a different fetish that emerges from within a perverted mind. A ... we might call it insanity which has to grow beyond 'social integrity' - and hmm, ... isn't that the space where sociopaths operate? And here I also see a reason to believe that they might be unsavable ... for now ... which is that their mind is screwed to a point that "alpha concepts" are "beyond our reach". So, I think of a person that has a personal agenda for instance ... like in a simple drawing against God. We as being attached to God are thereby his enemies - and the issue is a thing between him and God. Whatever we'd do would be part of whats so wrong about God ... while the entire thing ... well, ... might have reasons we can understand and deal with eventually; But some form of violence ... as forced isolation ... might be inevitable.


Well. As I was writing that I figured how the same thing applies on me. In essence could you categorize the state of Unification as a form of 'twisted mind'. My 'alpha concepts' are most definitely beyond your reach and ... I of course have to doubt that you're capable of 'reaching' them in any way. Its even so part of the package: Without existing in unison with my understanding of the basics of Unification - which means, believing in the Ninefold as to consequentially being a part of it - you so cannot fathom, ... as you're stuck in the eightfold. And without God you can't get beyond that, and God ... has His own rules for letting someone in. And because I'm in already I kindof ... am in this position where I claim I know what that is! To my own dimension of understanding at least. The rest I have to guess together until there can be more. So, as we come to fill out the blanks as our insights grow complex and diverse within actual social reality.

And yea ... what a neat segue back to the topic.//

The problem is this: We live in a patriarchy because classically it were the men who built stuff. So, it were men that went out to farm, chop wood, gather stone, ... and do all that crazy shit like trying to fly or landing on the moon - or building a computer (NERD!). So, men are more convenient in interacting with other men because no crazy gender bullshit gets in the way. And because of that there is Homophobia ... because Gay men sortof ... shatter that ... dimension. Except there can be some form of ... I mean ... ancient civilizations had accepted forms of homosexuality whereby the positions were however clearly defined. That love wasn't between equals.

And that is just a thing. Wipe our mind, send us to a distant planet, and I'm sure that man and woman would evolve differently. Its just a thing. At the very least once there is the first period - or pregnancy - things change. The man has the honor to protect the woman - that at least is ... the 'sane' first reaction. "Oh, woman vulnerable - must protect". Well, "if no woman, then must capture because ... " ... because what? I mean - that was meant as a joke; But still speaks of urges that I think all men have. Oh, I ... think I can't ... think that anymore. But as a crude pi~over~thumb~ish thing. [Sex, Offspring, "House-keeper" ("Boss", Idol, 'Firesite' ... uh, its part of who we are. You know ... buns n wieners) ...]

So the coclusion would seem outrageous, but ... meh - who cares? See, there are those women that enjoy being a woman; And that in a way that fits the female role-model. As ... our society ultimately 'demands' this female branch to evolve ... and naturally it must be unique as otherwise the thing were obsolete.

Arguing that this turns the feminist issue into one that is less concerned of the woman as a whole, but the gradient between the male and female extremes. The right of a woman sotospeak to pursue interests dominated by men. As some men might want to pursue interests dominated by women.
We shall see.

I mean ... the issue here is not to return to the olden days, although - where we have gone wrong we must expect some back paddling - of course!

Now, there was a time where I may have been offended by this:

Or triggered - but that is while I feel myself regarded as either of the two. Which probably meant that I was ... as either of the two. #getoverit.


General StuffPosted by Nicole Wed, March 21, 2018 05:36:19

[an introduction to Darkness]

So, a new book is being opened. "Next Chapter". Of course we could throw in such argument at any point and pretend its that and take it from there - but which "new Gimmick" I got is a more direct entry to the realm of Darkness ... when reflected outward as Light. So, where I am within the Esoteric plane is ... I would go and draw a map and on one side we have 'the Realm of Darkness'. By this I however wanted to 'actually' say that within the realm of the Divine (Unification/God/Eternal) there is that position of Darkness wherein I find myself "located". And what I mean to construct by that is the situation of the Light being at the core which at a higher iteration of itself diversifies into color and what not. Think of vanilla ice in a chocolate coat.

I just notice though that the sight I had is now obscured. So I made the trip to the gate but the wilderness here is a lot thicker than anticipated. To navigate this I however have some gadgets.

One is the factor of abstraction. I feel as though this has been figured out already - but me within the Realm of Darkness regard myself as by its inherent laws. You being of another realm do the same. So to you I must look abstract. Between me and you as individuals the issue may be that while I describe myself through an image of Chun-Li on my side, would look more like Rose to you on your end. So, what I regard in Chun-Li constructs my regard of her as within my mind. You however being not connected to my inner going ons cannot ultimately catch that connection. Yet you draw a connection of some sort - and what you use to draw that connection, so - which elements of the image stick out to you, should be my markers to choose an avatar from in order to deliver myself properly to you.

The image I chose to have here on this Blog right now ... err ...
is basically inspired to me. Its a picture that emerged in my head while I was writing about some stuff related to identity. But, that is practically as superficial as it gets as it is perfectly a 'free-flow' expression of mine - with nothing established to the Character other than being a superficial vessel for myself.

However deep the Avatar thing may go - eventually its all superficial. I mean, we possibly all have different depths and ways to interprete or understand/regard such things.

But there so is this "Cognitive Rift". While the esoteric view I provide is clearly segmented into five major realms the reality in the unenlightened world should be more chaotic. Here ... if not ... we I think are rather dealing with some form of "archetypic normities". So, that an eye is an eye - which - is a thing that nature eventually will produce 'inevitably'. I have heard of cases in evolution were two species that would seem like close relatives have actually come from entirely different ... places. "There is only so much".

What the Esoteric Plane provides to the Unenlightened is a plane of relativity. As you build up trust with God you might already get where your journey goes.

In moving on through the gate, one issue is to make a distinction. There is "Dark Lore" - a.k.a. "Pseudo Spirituality" or ... fairy tales - and that doesn't really matter 'outside' of whatever culture it is born from. Well, as Religious things. Here we could speak of clothing. The different things going on in my place are intimate to me as I'm constantly intertwined/ing with me. But then to you outside certain things could or would mean certain things. So, shackles for instance.

(Anime isn't the reason you like Chicks with Dicks. If you like Chicks with Dicks you're likely to like Anime because thats where you'll get your thing off.)

And so - in accordance to that - I think though that I should re-arrange my choice parameters and say ... 'Ivy' ... from Soul Calibur. Not Lara Croft because as Lara Croft the question were which Avatar she'd be using - to so, point out - which ... aspects ... mattered. And I'm kindof at that side of the map where being attracted to big Breasts is effectively in sync with my destination. ... in whatever way. But its not that anyway. I mean ... its a part of it ... a big deal when it gets to the image ... but as for what I'm looking for in a person not the first thing. Nor applied onto me. I wouldn't look for big Tits at all ... while I for myself ... its ... wired into myself I guess. Which is probably an excuse ... for yet simply having a general preference.

Err ... @@@@

So, the goal here would be that once this ideology is known by everyone on the planet we'd enter a phase of acknowledgment or denial - so - a latency until the signal triggers a clear response. By this people can know where other peoples stand - that so in regards to that exalted message we would as time goes on possibly get to work on to ... make it as good as we possibly could.

It is by that, that we get a sense of mutual interests - differences and such, ... where a disregard of xenophobic concerns is basically automated. I'm sure you could give this to a hardcore right wing Nazi - and he could totally agree with this shift of balance. Provided ... he's ... bright enough to catch the drift. At any rate would I think that there is only that one way to connect literally everyone on this planet - including "clans" that are in conflict with each other. So, bloods and cribs. Or how is that?

I ... want to be careful though. Its not my point to argue that all you got to do is say "Here" and "Yay" - but it would come if we by our capacity - through our belief in the greater well - aspire to set a start and amp up the Light ... which eventually would extend like an umbrella. As people see it - and join it.

Because ... what reason is there to resist?
To fight it?


So. We kill with our words. Whenever I get on a rant about how stupid something is I inevitably step on other peoples toes unless there is a way to dial it back far enough ... to appear humble enough hopefully rather than becoming substantially meaningless.

But we also kill with our Beliefs. If you're an Atheist you're a killer as far as Islamic Terrorism is concerned. Then it is the Muslim Terrorist who in turns of its beliefs is responsible for Atheists to be Atheists ... and thus being a Killer.

As a 'pure pure' Christian you create Satanists, as Satanist you create 'pure pure' Christians. Wherever you draw a line you're potentially splitting a crowd. The way the realms of Unification seem to me - I mean, I'm standing at the realm of Darkness. Imagine the road there as from a skyland. A floating island resembling this perfectly ... original "Unification Land" wherein we're all equal as we're passive units in a state of growth/learning. We learn the basics of this and that, get used to the Light, start navigating in a new society while sooner or later being torn out for more or less to be get going on ones own way. And here we begin to split - and by being more specific about ourselves we get to be more diverse from the rest. Each acquisition is a step away from "normal" - and for us to be all perfectly individuals we only have to acquire enough stuff ... where, yea. A mathematician could be more elaborate of how the availability of things puts a bump to that. But yea, the order also matters. So, with 1000 different things there are to acquire we have an alphabet with 1000 letters - and each new step is another letter we may add to it.

But 1000 ... I mean. I guess we could be as crude as to reduce it to even lesser digits. Or as to increase it getting more and more specific. Which in densely populated situations even so happens to be a necessity. So, what once a single guy could do does eventually turn into a task of many interwoven layers and structures. FBI, CIA, ... NSA, ... . Police. Mail Service. Traffic Organization. Government.

We kill with our words. Yet we are expected to forgive. And in order to be forgiven, we so must expect to be forgiving ourselves.

Pride is one of those things. One of those things that gets us boiled up over nonsense, drives us to irrational conclusions, sets moronic goals, turns us into complete idiots - and no matter how much we fight to deny it ... or to avoid it ... its the nature of the pride itself that it must become visible as is so happened to be the driving factor. You're an SJW or an Anti-SJW - you were convinced of your end, you showed your face expecting to win - and you said stuff. Had you to backpaddle on something, something you fundamentally and vehemently held forth as of yourself, something that really hits your nerves, ... thats pride!

And so, all of this previous paragraph can be boiled down to a single word put into the context of me@someone - and that word is 'Idiot' - with an exclamation mark! In the mechanics. I so pour salt into your wound now - I rub it in your face - I make it even harder for you to step out and change your mind. Maybe. The same as though I just called you an Idiot! Because ... thats what people are that make idiotic choices ... right?

Once you have evolved your understanding of the Sermon of the Mount to that degree - you shall see that it has been there all along!

While you so would add letters to your name, you would do so with God because it is by the Light that acquisition happens in that sense. You might not notice it ... as the way God acts is beyond us. He doesn't need to manipulate you do get you where He wants you to be. Well ... I guess there are limits to that as well. As so he would take you with a hand that corresponds to some spot on the Esoteric Map.

So is the way I understand God the way everyone understands God at first - and so just up to a certain point. There is the core concept - that which is written - the few things that need to be understood - but beyond that everything might already be ... specific. I mean ... first of all it would be individual. But ... why do I waste time ...

Well. I'm conflicted about taking a personal stance and generalizing that. When I generalize and then transition into a matter that is based on too much personal experience I can't ultimately tell how general the things I know of are. Safe to say that the Force itself, the Light, is something we all have in common - and also that we at some point need to get to some common grounds. "Again".

The way I understand God now is in first place tangibly a part of the force. Motions within the Light that respond to me thinking of Him. These motions ultimately converge around my understanding of a ... highly sexual unity ... as they ... so eventually float around at my bottoms and make attempts of penetrating ... something that gives me the sensation of having a vagina.
Or breasts. Stuff ... attached to my body. A mouth-gag, ... or removed eye-balls even.

From there the experience grows to shape a prison whereby Lust and Sexuality dominate everything thats going on.

And so my Avatar should possibly be more like that? To more accurately reflect ... ?

Within that however that again extends - where so roads into the prison turn into roads out of that prison. The prison drawing a final situation is there tied to other circumstances, one of which is how I identify myself as a Goddess. The Light streams through me and basically massages those parts of me that consolidate that egotistical stance. Some sort of superiority complex. Or sense of exaltation.
You would suppose that God should educate me - and I however am the result.

And possibly have quality of all 5 realms. Everyone might.

What these realms so are about are mindsets and how they culturally interact. They are vague concepts I suppose that bend to certain degrees in order to integrate everybody to its root. Here ... I mean, I feel having a close relationship to some branch of the Furry/Abstract realm, which ... were so more about Xenophilia - or, sex with plants and such. Which is also closer to the divine boundary than it is to the dark.

What specifically roots me in darkness though - as per my organization of thoughts - is a close attachment to the perverse. Social inequality, ... rites of dominance and submission, ... though ... a fainting breath comes back to ... yea, it generally comes in heavily when religious concerns are at hand. Like ... does it all end in real-life suffocation, suffering and ultimately murder?

Uhm, to be honest: I'm not quite sure how I unfold in regards of this. The link to the plant stuff basically exists through an individual settled in a dense yet faintly relevant corner place of mine. "My secret hideout" ... basically. The ... top secret one ... as in ... hidden in a pocket between dimensions. Here she's the Goddess that controls the Plants and life around the building.

Here my mind is a convoluted mess of sexually dominant urges ... urges of sexual dominance, ... and some form of sadism. I'd say a gentle kind. Torture over time. Using ... plants and stuff. Well, all that floods into my mind 'right now'. To transmit that: "How else could I write of anything?". I have to call stuff to my senses - and maybe it is the weed that allows me to get a cognitive wrap around it that allows it to further evolve. So ... I anyhow supposed early on that while the tranquilizing effect lowers the bodies influence on the mind and later came to add that there must be something about Marijuana - and not specifically the THC molecule (closer comparison to Hashish necessary) (yet certainly also including it -> similar effect) - that influences the mind ... specifically. So, stimulating it somehow to so ... I'd say ... the sensitivity ... well, something so that the mind 'comes through' the sedation. Like ... water into a sponge.

But it also needs some getting used to ... and exercise ... to fully harness the potential of that. On the other hand there is the risk of 'slur' as the mind so would "dent into" bad habits. They so resemble folds, ... like ... those ugly corners that don't seem to possess the potential for cleanliness in them.

And yea, I got that weird thing that when I get high I somehow get ... an extreme aversion ... to filth and dirt while also ... an inner "angst" that is directed against real confrontation with sexuality. That is ... generally speaking. The intimate sortof softens things out and is a whole new thing at the other end.
Oh, and porn of course. Although ... its strange. At times where I'm taken into it ... the issue is that what I want to do dictates how much porn I'll view - and that eventually doesn't line up with how my ordinary habits would or should be otherwise. And depending on the thing it is also my own development that gets to set certain limits and expanses.

I like it comfortable, ... dim, ... and at times prefer cool air to a warm atmosphere. But that only within parameters of a blanket ... / wholesome comfort.

... but as new things start to emerge I guess I better spare you the detail. So, where were we?

This umbrella now is totally neutral in that it only exists to link us ... basically just metaphorically. The promise basically is that we are guaranteed to get to a point where our individual interests are being secured within this metaphorical alliance for as long as you travel with the Light - where the offered reason to its claimed success is further the provided condition.

So, you have to change of course ... and that change may eventually even be forced upon you; Its a thing that comes with the existence of circumstances ... but rather than conceiving it a farce I would think of it as more of a new place with new offerings and possibilities wherein we so can re-invent ourselves through the given stuff.

For, what is life ... really? Beyond ... all the political BS that splits us? Political BS that inevitably arises?

Well, if we want it we can have it. WWE for instance.

So - Champion gets to be president ... of ... everything - and without someone to oppose that boils down to nothing. The rest is about how we want to live our lives! What we expect out of it ... and here the societal norms of the now will start to shift as social systems change ... where the past is what nourishes the now. One thing I learned throughout my life is that personal sacrifices ... they matter. I experienced that in a way that makes me regret having given certain things away; I mean - selling them or not properly caring for (and thus loosing) them or throwing them away. Thus I'm urged to argue that what we have is valuable. We sure can always only expect to ever carry "so much" on with us - but thats as with a good meal I guess. We are fine with regular meals ... most of the time ... and a really good meal is where we want to indulge a little more ... 'because we can' ... and that "virtual expanse" is as our contemporary ~over-extensions~ which will eventually fade and yet last us in memory. Or being. At least.


Self is Self. And if we lose everything. But that isn't ultimately the point of growing. Growing adds up to having something where a restart could be interesting, or imposed ... whatever - and ... whatever!

What I mean is that I don't propose a radical change - except - for places where a radical change is necessary. But those places aren't the remote ones ... they are the dense ones. Where we interact ... the most. We can logically assemble how places of dense human interactions are basically joints of our civilization. Where people meet - there happen discussions. Workplaces would be such a system. On the one side is the immediate 'normal' life - where everyone practically has a wall of people thats frequently up on the screen - and the higher 'esoteric' life which ties in celebrities and our own conscious spot in reality.

Celebrities so represent existence in the esoteric "hemisphere". So - celebrities are figures that stick out from the crowd and become common markers in terms of our social interactions. As so we also within our mind compose our reality of figures. So is the esoteric also hosting our organization ... where now one branch of celebrities are those that are there at the "power centers" where decisions are being made.

And thats where we have to set chop. Its not the structure that supports the core that matters - but what it produces. So we need to somehow find a way to come together in unison - which so has to include people with wealth and economic substance; ... while we all come together as human individuals that however have to learn to deal with ... such ... substance. As so we come to learn of ourselves, what we do, what we did to get where we are, ... .

Which kindof gets me to why I ... am ... 'here'. I was thinking about what I wrote about Quentin Tarantino while some scenes from some Video Game in context of some Anti-SJW comment on the stance on Violence in Video Games were flashing on the screen ... from that White House Video I guess ... specifically the moment where those civilians are getting shot ... Chris Ray Guns I guess, but Tophats and Champaigne did also one ... /!~...///// ???? @ ... anyway ... and what I got was ... a short glimpse at something that clicked me to write this.

I here would say that Quentin Tarantino as a person ... who outspokenly concluded that he must have some God-given Talent ... is also to me as a figure through which the Divine Graceful light shines into our world. That now however in one of the many ways that it does. In its simplest you can watch any of his movies - and see them as drawings ... or goggles that show you a place of darkness ... but there's light in it. Its like a dive into Hell - glimpses at shadows within our reality - ... and sure ... that doesn't answer 'why' it happens. But thats a different thing. A question emerging from the concluded.

I have a friend ... and seeing Tarantino talk ... he reminds me a lot of him. Though they look entirely different. But he's into dark stuff too. Gore ... for the most part ... and he once had the occasion to deepen that. The place where we met we occasionally had those group meetings to discuss various topics that might be of interest. Some ... brain jogging. And he there made a presentation of the matter. Speaking about what fascinated him - and also showing us a bit of 'media hypocrisy' as ... 'volume 2' basically.

For once the roller coaster of emotions is important to him, where, he has a ... background ... so, drugs, love and harmony and ... I don't know too much about that. A confrontation with the Dark maybe, a manifestation of inner demons or some joy in the meaninglessness of it all - meaninglessness though just up to a point. Which is where ... the Light side comes in. The Gore itself is one aspect. Its absurd, its shocking - it ... basically is creation from nothing on the emotional level - the darker colors. I'm not too much into that ... but anyhow. As of what we like we understand things differently. When so speaking of Superhero movies, he would rather see the cinematography behind it. Speaking of pathos and ... the things that ... I would say ... on a somewhat musical wavelength of looking at it. I can see it as a concept and be carried away by a good presentation - where, well, our different tastes are the obvious thing ... but I'm more generally focused on the ethical side of things. So, how fate is regarded when that is a matter - which is then either serious or funny. Well, aside of thinking of it as plot devices where then ... the other dimension basically kicks in - so, the situations, the problems, solutions, etc.. Well ... to not get into too much detail ... lets move on into media hypocrisy. And that is the whole 'violence' issue. Does consumption of violent media lead to physical violence?

I ... have to remember a scene from Married with Children. There the thing was that the No Ma'am organization would lock its members into a room of punishment - wherein the punished individual would be exposed to episodes of Dr. Quinn. And I would argue that this is closer to the truth than the other thing. Being exposed to too much mind-numbing nonsense however in the far and large would also only be one factor.

Whats good about it?
Well, whats bad about it?

I would say that Tarantino has some kind of marriage with the Dark ... in that he sees it ... and it flows through him in a sense ... manifesting itself in the images he's compelled to use. I imagine it as ... him diving into a reality of darkness ... as by putting on some VR goggles ... and transcribes what he sees. Kindof. Its stuff that yet has to be shaped ... put into form etc. - and the pointless violence does yet in deed exist as a celebration of the art-form. Saying "hey, this is just a movie!". It extends into the fantastic and the absurd ... the illogical ... similar to David Lynch ... but so in a less convoluted way. Its a doing of the doing ... a doing that turns our white, bland wallpapers into an explosion of all sorts of things ... . It satisfies a spot ... one that diversity craves for ... as for instance a movie where really graphic violence against a woman doesn't stand out as ... gross. Well ... it is ... gross. And all that. But in the bloodbath that the whole thing is ... its just a small drop that barely matters.
And that is only one way to look at it. Although ... there isn't much more to it, I guess, than what you get ... from looking at it.


It doesn't make me want any of what I've seen. Except for that Level ... of things ... which also made me enjoy Hotline Miami. The style. The vibe. What makes the movie more than just a bloodbath.

Art & Culture. How could it exist without the freedom to express? Isn't that the question? Morality police vs. Anarchy?
But who is to police now what? How ... ? Isn't it the consumer that has the right to ... consume? I mean ... this ... is a bit drifty of a topic right now ... so, uhm ... ... where do we begin?

State Run Media?

Government Control and Censorship?

No, we begin with Nothing. I ... however ... happen to be where it all begins. Well, at least to my own awareness. I am however an isolated case - and a new beginning. And as of me there is now that what I came to cherish ... which I so inject as of my bold existing mindset ... without any intent to further value it, or say why or how ... first of all just as a thing. A Poster I might have hanging around ... or a Disk with some Music, ... whatever. Where what matters at the start is something totally different.

I however have to add that ... sure: Me liking violence in media has some equivalence to me ... "inner compulsions" ... lets say. Violent Tendencies? ... hmm ... well, I ... wouldn't say that its a direct thing. Its more like the rebelling Teenager that pins a 'radioactive' symbol to the outside of its door. An "I want my peace" sortof attitude maybe. So, which might be considered racist or [insert term]ophobe - as I so prefer a familiar environment and stuff and such ... but separation by race is just one of many ways to separate - and 'complete separation' ... cannot be the case.

I guess.

The void is there to be filled ... .

Faith in Humanity Restored

General StuffPosted by Nicole Tue, March 20, 2018 23:33:15

[Judging passment upon myself]

I'm currently really not knowing what to do. The last thing I've done has been consuming me a bit; Had to get things off my chest and for the time it was my mainstay activity - and ... I somehow can't find myself wanting to play any games - or do anything. So I'm sortof stuck trying to find 'something' to watch and spend the time - and there's a lot of picture compilations. The one I am/was watching right now is [50+ wholesome pictures that will remind you that there's good in the world] - and it got me to think. I wondered ... what people might think of me, thus ... thinking about my track-record of doing good stuff.

But ... being sortof sedated by the chill music and some of the heartwarming content I ... soothed along until 40 mins in someone knocked at my door. "What could this be?" I thought to myself - "could only be someone wanting something again" - but it was my neighbor returning the 10 bucks he borrowed recently. 'OK cool' I thought ... got back to continue watching it ... and it knocked again. Again I thought "what? I got nothing!" or something like that; And it was my neighbor again with a bit of weed and a can of coke. Now, ... that made my day!

How can I get into this without appearing self-righteous? I mean - this little incident works so well right now I just can't not write this down. And it reminds me of what I've done ... vs. what I haven't. I mean ... the first thing that comes to mind when I think of my "Hero Creds" - beyond what I'm doing here - isn't all that shiny! I somehow grew up as a kleptomaniac. My gramps had money - the property I grew up on was worth around 1 Million DM I guess. He had a business - the whole post war economic miracle thing didn't pass us by - and every Friday my grandparents had friends over to play some cards and they sortof gambled. He had this box he kept money in - and eventually I just had to take some to get me some. I'm also a hoarder. When I see something I think might be useful someday I have a hard time throwing it out. If I find something in the streets - I kindof get triggered that way too. So, I can't remember what I did or didn't do - but I know that I never returned anything I found. (Uhm, wrong! I found a wallet of a schoolmate once. He had a picture of my crush in it - that I kept. ... The rest I returned. Someone saw me. He got mad at me for taking the picture. Shame on me!) The best thing I did there was to 'not' take that backpack - thinking that someone might be missing it.

Then I also found myself on the needy end for the most part. Karma? Maybe! Its ... the little things that matter I guess. To me it are ... little things - those things that make me feel like 'yea, I deserved it'. That may seem harsh - but ... as my attention is shifted onto that matter, ... its this world. That ... the better of a person you are the more knock-backs you can handle - and that way life can sortof teach you more lessons. Lessons that others wouldn't get to see. Or it would be the one big thing in their entire life. I don't really know how to end this paragraph - but I guess that I don't like to turn this into a science because I don't really think we can 'cheat' life that way. The only way to really 'cheat' that way is to ... do the right things! And thats your road then. Anyhow. The better or worse you do - ... .

When it comes to the good in me - I think Vegeta is a good comparison. In all seriousness. My ... ~real heroes~ are different. I'm really a ~huge~ (to my regards) Spiderman fan; But I'm a Vegeta. So, when it comes to this and how this started - I got think back of that evening in that Dorm where I found that book - and trying to figure out what motivated me I guess it was just the prospect of ... the challenge. In some way. I saw something, I figured something, ... and somehow found meaning in pursuing it. I didn't think I was special or knew anything any better. When it gets to that I guess I used to be extremely conservative. I mean - held back, introverted, ... keeping things to myself and uttering pothead wisdoms at best. So, it might seem obvious now that I sunk my teeth into Motion Pictures ... so, ... Movies, Cartoons and Video Games. I wasn't ever truly ambitious either. I tried to do good at Video Games, ... but, ... more often than not I was good at them. Out of some mysterious talent that sometimes - especially in competitive gaming - vanishes - ... I mean, up until I got into Starcraft 2 I never had the need or urge to improve on myself. Nor the perspective. The few times I could play Street Fighter up until then - I guess I first of all just barely learned how to Shoryuken. Usually I would win against my Brother at first - and then he'd soon beat me; ANd before I could figure adjust to it and think that I might have to improve on myself there wasn't any opportunity anymore.
I used to be really good at Smash Bros.. But thats probably we played it ... all of the fucking time! First thing to do with spare time? Visit friend, hit the bong, smash. And so was my mindset going into art. I was gifted. Everyone kept praising me for my drawing skills - and by the time I got older and the "wow"s turned into "why don't you do something with it?"s - I had my mind on other things. I envisioned a Story, within the bounds of 3 Trilogies ... and then eventually trying to put that into a Novel at first. Pretty much like Tolkien. But I didn't know about him at that time. Same~ish vision though. Except for the story and ... stuff. Images? Could ...
Anyway ... I wanted to use my time in the Philippines to work on my Novel ... but for some reason I couldn't find any real headspace for it. Then there was that book. And everything changed. Sortof. I still was my own self to some extent - but ... hard to tell. Something within me had been different. I still used to waste my time taking drugs, yet as I had been older and not getting younger - that so transitioned into a wasted life. I however had no ... handles ... other than "Go to Jobcenter and find something (with your track-record)" ... so, yea ... LOL and GG.

As a key-age ... I remember that on turning 21 I was in my room at my gramps house digging scriptures. I only really got around to doing that after I moved there. Prior to that. I had a short phase digging into Eastern stuff, as a "lets try something else first" type of experiment, first. I barely understood anything - though the I Ging introduced me to an interesting concept that would concern me for some time. That was the time around which I noticed ... "it".

Though, what I mean is that thinking back I don't feel like I had anything to drive my life. It was kindof empty, ... .

And whats the ... thing?

A lot of my life I spent "in" one form of Media or another. Aside of being a hero in the virtual world, there wasn't much of a chance to be a hero. And this is I guess where all the the SJWs ... would? ... chime in. And I would continue writing of getting influenced and my mind shaped ... but here's the thing: Whether your playing Video Games or not - or whether you're/you've read the Bible or not - if you're ignorant you're ignorant. I would think of a game where the Devs put a lot of thought into to ... make the player ask him or herself some serious questions, ... or as Terentino would have it: Shocking you, stopping the laughter, ... making you question yourself as you see yourself in the figures he's created. But if you don't see it ... you don't see it! And as I've been watching that Interview with that Channel 4 guy - I get him. Its ... I don't know how much of a thing it is ... but he obviously got pissed off. Yet ... having heard of the interview, vs. what my impression of him was - the thing is ... I think he made his point. Being challenged by these questions of violence - he said it: Its, to him, great cinema. It doesn't seem like a deep and profound answer - but eventually we're moved by simple things. I remember watching from Dusk 'til Dawn and that at the time it was all just about the violence - the perverted humor and all that. Well, teenagers. No ... profound stuff going on; But growing older those images and things they ... stick somehow - and the Characters end up standing out in their way.
The thing is: I'm here writing about goodness, or righteousness, or virtue - somehow - uhm ... I'll ... take an extra mile here I guess.

Have to.
Or ... . Well ... in ... "TV culture" ... there's that concept. Its the concept of 'principles'. The "we never leave one of us behind" (Stargate SG1) - or those issues where some conflict urges the protagonist to a decision - and by the Authors audacity that would be sticking to principles. That, for the sake of cinematography, is a way - I think - to convey positive ideals. And there you then have SJWs vs Anti-SJWs - where the Antis pretty much are in tune with that. Uphold that which is good - "and the Light shall banish all Evil in its way" ... sotosay; Whereas those that didn't have that "education" ... act in a revelation of their inner darkness.

The thing ... I like to share! While I may be a hoarder and what comes with it in the negative way, there is also positive that comes with it. While I so would watch my money and try to get the most out of it I would see others not blessed with that mindset or ambition - and eventually can't stand it. While I may be annoyed when it knocks at my door - it depends on who's on the other side too. Or ... not at all. Its a bit inconvenient to get out of my chair because of how little space there is.

And I didn't get this weed and coke for nothing! Obviously I must have done something that warrants some extended form of thanksgiving. And I take that from this. I believe though that good deeds are being payed back. Maybe not to the dime - but to the effect. "~ish".

And that is where I see my opportunity to do good. And the most important word in that sentency may be 'my'. As in ... 'me' - saying: What as who I am. SO, being a hoarder - that is me - and a part that eventually is capable of doing good. Like ... for a while I've been the long-pape dispenser here of sorts. And I still got plenty left.

You grow and you gather and from what you have you can give. This sure isn't that "woman giving away her last penny" story - but that is also a story I think is perhaps maybe a little bit overrated. "Those who have will gain more; And those that got little will loose the bit they have". Its a similar issue as this 'Anointment of Christ vs. Judas' incident I wrote of a few times.

Where I think that 'doing good' - per se - is an act of opportunity. And I think that wraps this up!

Disagreeing with Amaterasu

SidesteppingPosted by Nicole Mon, March 19, 2018 21:23:36

[On Love within Clarity]

This (not the disagreement, I'll ...) is the big issue now I guess. Let me so - tell you a few things. I get good wind when I write about clarity properly. That excludes what I'll for now call "Good Night Stories" - although it includes those in a way I guess. Its the whole package. In a grand total its me being more happy with/about myself, ... and it sends a positive message.

So, if you're not really in line with that ... its not gonna matter to me. You can try to talk to me but if you can't address the things that drive me, you won't change anything. Thats just the "strategic" part of it. Or, something predictable.

And yea, whenever I write like this about stuff I think I also get to generally emphasize a counter position I have to that. Like I'm motivated or charged or whatever to proof myself wrong. And because this inner conflict doesn't go well with the story, I need to resolve that properly. This time around I hold to myself that the whole reason why I'm getting into conflicts with self is a not so perfect understanding of Clarity and what it entails.

So, there's the one side of lets call it 'perfect manipulation' (#Carrot) and there's the other of minuscule influences that shift us into the right direction. It should be clear why a person thats generally good and that without any real psychological issues wouldn't need 'much' God ... to be on the way. I would count myself to those, except, the 'psychological issues' would eventually ... force me to take that back.

And I don't know. I can't know too much about it because I only have myself for reference. Beyond that I got to think logically - and sure there is no reason for me to think that we're all equally ... in need of divine intervention or assistance or whatever. And maybe the general concept of clarity falls apart here. The main 'yield' - from me spending time on investigating clarity was to think more about our individual lifetime experience and the greater deal that is Zion ... a.k.a. an 'everlasting' ... thing ... Kingdom/World/Situation. So, preparing for eternity. Yet, how each individual gets into that is totally ... open, I guess.

But so is my situation that I out of my own became an Escort. Whatever reasons I had, whatever ran through my mind - the issue is that nothing within me opposed that move. Without clarity ... who knows? Well - I'd be possibly still conflicted. Shifty. My stance on prostitution would be relatively clear ... my stance on sexual issues ... at least in that frame - but my own stance about myself and what I wanted wouldn't be. And as I went to sleep yesterday ... that kindof was the thing. Maybe its just coz I have no weed right now. Which is another weird thing. I'm actually used to smoking in ... phases. There's a phase where I'll smoke a lot, then I'll stop and be sober for a while; Then I'll smoke again - and yet each time I transition from one into the other I feel like its the first time I ever done that. But that eventually also tricks my mind into ... re-arranging some stuff anew.

Anyhow ... basically I couldn't sleep yesterday; And there's a separate issue I'll also get into later. For what concerned me though was that I ... hmpf. I get to see what I meant or thought - but writing them things out is really problematic right now. ... I guess ... details don't matter that much.

What I so disagree with, basically, comes from last night though. I so have the experience of what I mean by Love within the Clarity situation. God can do stuff to me - but my own well-being as a living individual therein is still my own thing. If God were to bend that around too then I might as well not exist and just be a robot. Its like owning a sports-car that can't get over 30 km/h. "But you wanted a sports car" - "yea, but ... the feeling isn't quite right!".

~ But everyone else is happy! ~ Are they? I'm not! And maybe they feel just the same ~

SO know ... or understand ... that within everything that God so establishes within me - I'm still there. SO, when I'm disallowed to think or do certain things - the processes that would make me think or do certain things are still there. I can see how things are taken from me and eventually can only react in ... some upset way. Thats the one side. I however understand what its about and in that way get my joy out of it.

So, the [F] thing (Page 2, Chapter 2, Segment 2) - thats got to be some 'next Level shit' to that. And yet I'm skeptical about it. Matter of fact has that been what kept me up last night. Unable to sleep and thus unable to be fit for an appointment I had today, which ... surprises me not because to myself it has actually been a rather important appointment. I mean ... thinking at my journey regarding my mental health so far - there were these and those appointments. The most ... crushing ... anxieties that I had were related to all those appointments regarding my gender transition. And they get to have things in common with other appointments. Well, they are important. I stay up too long, can't sleep or however am getting into some ... twisted routine that plays against me. But now I've got a new appointment, I have enough time to mentally prepare for it ... and I feel like canceling the one today was the right thing to do.

The thing with [F] is that of a "row" of people (A-F) - the F part then felt to me as though ... it were reserved for someone. I could feel into it, get into the mood - find myself - while somehow that happened and I got encouraged to write about it.

And I don't like to. In general the story is that early on in my life I suffered some circumstance we could or would nowadays translate into "abusive relationship" or something like that, got removed from that, put elsewhere and found someone I loved. And that first person there is who I think is the Antichrist. And there's a weird story. Ever so often stuff happens that would suggest to me that I leave my love for him. One time its so been about Kinks - that he could give me what I wanted better than her - or that in the end there were no difference so I might as well pick the "better" option. Or, while my thought process was stuck on her being a female and me thus missing a 'father' - thats been a spot that got filled by that figure once - and if all those situations have one thing in common then that I didn't like it. Except at that [F] thing. Well - at least, ... initially.

Now in hindsight I got to think some more of the exact feelings of positivity that made up any positive to be mentioned - though on the other side I really don't wish to think about it. To say the least: I don't like him being in [F]. 'In' [F] however - the person I am is restricted. And thats where the big chunk of the positive comes in. My situation as a whore. Its ... as being forced to think that I'm a carrot. I have a person to be loyal to and by acting accordingly I get all the romantic rewards of being a bride. Sotospeak. Or, the "evil slut" or whatever.
Now is there something different about where this guy takes a spot. It for once feels a lot more intimate. It also comes with a relief - a relief of some tension. And that relief further has a ... "swooshing" effect - as it somehow fills myself with ... not joy, not comfort, ... but something like that ... as also some excitement. And that side is different in that I have some personal engagement outside of just "playing my role" - basically.
But then the situation annoys me because feelings are far from clear, I lack the information/oversight I need - so I feel, so ... I feel like somethings ... not right. Iffy. Something ... I don't know or see or ... is withdrawn from my attention. And it gets worse as this turns into an 'either or' situation. There is no question to me which one I'd pick - but that doesn't seem to matter in that situation. So I'm basically stuck as being shoved to an edge of a cliff - with the decision to turn around or to jump - but whatever I do I'd get shoved down anyway. Kindof.
And it makes me feel detached from my love. I don't like it. I ... really don't. But I don't know how to change it. How to fix it. How to cleanse my heart - sotospeak.

Then, in a moment however, "shame on me" for whatever reason, he seemed to understand that what I thought about the situation didn't work that way. So, that the mind isn't elastic. That me turning away from him wouldn't "snap back" since ... thats not how it works. My mind is hardened against him - basically. But ... so, I wondered, whats the issue? Or problem? Or point?
It would seem ... that he's just digging ... and I'm the naive girl that doesn't get his true ambitions.

But then when I think like this the first thing I hear from "that" off is: "Cheating!".

Like he's so uberly concerned of my wellbeing.

And its weird. In the beginning I figured that I'm the one who doesn't want him to be a part of any of 'us' and her that ... I mean. I can't. It was suggested that she might be into him and therefore he's to be my dad and such. I don't know how or why it gets to that.

In all accuracy I got I do suppose that this feeling of relief that I'm getting is actually coming from him - as he's so in that situation where I'm emotionally turned towards him ... and once that has worn off and he does whatever he does next I'm ... totally out. Well - it depends I guess. But so far ... there is no redeeming point. And all in all it just urged to my attention that I really don't like him to be [F]! We want [F] to be someone we like - and that sortof ... changed this feeling. It seemed to do the trick. Though I'm still not feeling perfectly right ... its the right direction.

Maybe - so the idea - during this first phase of my life, within that abusive relationship, I ... perhaps just because of matters of time ... got used to certain things which can't be changed anymore. Or ... will take a long time ... to ... change.

As it stands, introducing that guy into any of my systems has an utterly detrimental effect upon all of me. I get to a standstill, ... I reject everything I know or hold dear, ... and most of all: Start craving a respectively normal life with my love. SO, none of that Clarity/Whoredom/Slaveship/Prostitution stuff - just so - to not be bothered about all the things "People say" and what not.

And these are the things that lead me to statements about how Love is still the more important thing. How all of my Kinks are meaningless or not worth it - were it not for the Love. But would Love alone cure me? Would it help? Or how about without it? So, why am I the way I am ... ?

This story also stands in conflict with other things. Is it that guy that made me who I am or was it God?
Were we just randomly floating through space before God noticed us or ... was there some meaningful order?

But so - if I had to say 'yes' or 'no' - to that [F] thing - I say no!

Simple choice! And admittedly not so simple at first. But it just doesn't fit, and thus it doesn't work out! I've been "Carroted" into it and I just can't find any peace with it! And there would be a lot who'd deserved the place more! I think!

But, I also had to think about what these spots even are. The main thing is there in the middle - and thats family stuff. So, my love, my husbands, ... and the whole slavery aspect. A to F attach to that - and how that attachment is realized ... I don't know. But I had to wonder how it would work out for me if F were the guy I don't like - and outside of being stuck in a role that pleases me there is nothing. I wouldn't want to spend a life like that! Getting given away for some breeding fun - thats different. Its ... not privacy related.


But yea, I hope ... this provided some valuable insights.


General StuffPosted by Nicole Wed, March 14, 2018 16:54:24

[Diversity in Pop Culture]

Ghost in the Shell is now free on Amazon Prime; Am currently watching it - and so far my entry to it has been negative. I've seen it two times thus far and generally enjoyed it. What disturbs me now is that the Plot is kindof pointless. Guy creates a weapon, puts a random brain that might hold a grudge against it into it and puts it into a highly specialized unit of crime hunters. Its nothing that would ever happen in reality I guess.

The main actress distracts me. Her eyes are odd. I wonder, can we see the movie without that?

And why is she doing that Dive? Its ... when trying to bend around the oddness of the eye issue - and trying to flex out the whole "oh no, Scarlett Johansson #Whitewashing" nonsense - that ... doesn't really ... stick out that much anymore. Actually the movie is a sequence of horribly bad decisions!

On the other end need you some explanation to tie those images together - though so, as a picture, is it ... the story of a creation turning against its creator? Or is it the machine turning against a part of itself that didn't work properly? I ...

Well, here's the thing - and all you SJWs listen up: To me, ... Scarlett Johansson is a bit like ... well, more on the Bruce Lee side of things; Rather than Justin Bieber. Its ... Blade ... rather than Twilight. She is she and she does what she does and ... thats that. A "Scarlett Johansson movie" ... . Speaking of 'strong and powerful women' and such. ... She is that. I don't know how real it is ... but ... so, what do I know? I can tell from what I see and if there are others ... well; I'm unsure ... but ... what isn't?

But well, the movie in the end does make in deed somewhat sense. And its a cool and epic movie. The choice of Takeshi is one I do approve of as well, ... where - the Anime was a pretty niche film as it is and doing homage to it in this way feels more like a service than a cash-grab. But Sorry, I'm not supposed to be a fan of hers I guess because thats Sexist!

If we are to say 'Survival of the Fittest' - we assume that there is some 'open choice'. Like ... Hunger Games. Pick a few Teenagers and have them go at each other. Or Twilight maybe. Otherwise ... generally the side-cast. As ... if you want to make a movie, it would serve you well to have some vision. And so you do some casting, ... or ... I don't know. Scarlett doesn't strike me as a particularly odd choice for that movie. She's worked herself to become a Superstar and so if you want to do a high profile niche Comic Action flick ... and you so on one side go with figures such as Takeshi ... to settle a tone of ... so, what the idea so there is ... in terms of ... I don't know ... its a celebration of Pop Culture.

Otherwise, once I'm too fixated on Scarlett and digesting her as odd I don't see anything but how she sucks in that role. That can't be the purpose of a good movie, right?

Yet - how to support newcomers? How many movies is one actor then so 'allowed' to be in, or ... how or where do we cap it? Producers, Directors, ... everything. ?!

Or do we want to be racist; Arguing that Bruce Lee and Blade are good examples of how a Diverse cast has been in leading roles 'classically' - within given category of things - so it can't be her?!

I'd argue that the most realistic thing about that movie is her hair. A human brain in a robot wouldn't see much use for showering ... . Or, Body Care changes and she needs something to contrast the artificialness of herself.

Up next: Warcraft : The Beginning.

Epic! I mean ... its the time. The time where Orcs, Cartoon Orcs - more or less, could be displayed that realistically. And "woe and behold" we kindof by accident have something that has Cartoon Orcs in it, is quite successful and so on to make it happen. I guess that pretty much speaks to Warcraft and Blizzard. The kind of gameplay they created. Leveling up and Upgrading stuff. Eventually to the point of that movie happening. This movie even does the opposite to white-washing. It again takes white Characters ... turning them into something else ... lol/sigh. But as a thing its a white thing. You can't blame white people for being white. And sure, if you want it that way; Then Blizzard is white for white. And its success is white success. But is that actually even an issue? Or is it just group A doing some stuff and group B enjoying it - where group B may be anyone. Culture is weird and odd - and - having cultural differences isn't just a matter of race I think. Race blurs, ... as I'm sure whites vs whites is also a thing.

It happened and we could barely envision how else it could have happened. White Nerds making stuff that white Nerds do. Period.

And pay close attention to the nuance between Good and Evil.

Every party needs a madman at their top; And that is the character the player would take over in classic Warcraft (RTS) - as - the annihilation of the opponent is what the 'game' is about. And ... judging them now ... how could we?

I'm sure that the lack of people of color in it can be traced down to a variety of issues and after that we can account for what anyone could have done about anything whatsoever. Education, Cultural Integration, Artistic Ambition/View/Talent, ... . "A price payed by taken lives" - and thats where he realized that [guy with green glowy eyes] wouldn't listen to reason.

I think that is why books can be more enticing. Such detail can be thrown in, its not difficult, and ... thus more concrete situations can be drawn. I think the 'fantasy' argument, so - thinking of the good of media or books - that it sparks imagination, can here work both ways. A movie is less strict - or - "judgmental" ... although it can be more so as it requires less explanation in-between.

In this 'white' Fantasy world it is difficult to bring in people of color because everything is pretty stereotypical. So - Orcs are so, Humans are so. Adding color to the palette, that is my opinion, would come with more than just replacing a white guy.

I have no reason to shill. I'm not getting anything. ... But I like ... what we have.

LOL matrix hodgepodge

General StuffPosted by Nicole Mon, March 12, 2018 19:38:03


Rule 1: There are no Videogames in the Matrix because to living Programs thats like animal abuse. > Humans have no concept of gaming.
Rule 2: The machine is self-aware and its cognition present in virtuality. It has created a prison for the human as part of its original purpose as entertainment product. > The game is in a glitched state.
Conclusion: Neo has to 'Game Over' in order to reset the System.

Theory 1: The Architect games the human by triggering him to re-enter the matrix to continue with his scheme. > How is Zion being rebuilt? < The Architect selects some unsuspecting individuals from the Matrix.

This theory is now 'stage 3' - we might say. Part 1 is a statement that has people puzzled where now part 2, a dominant 'thing' has drawn the issue into some stagnation; Followed by part 3 - a concrete stance regarding the stagnation that stands out and triggers a shift. Well, if there were no further theories or takes on it. If there were a myriad of plausible theories, that would all be of part 1. As so this is a single thing in time - fresh at the start - that wouldn't be surprising. Respectively could Part 2 then be about something totally different. If there is any problem at all.

Speedruns offer an analogy in that there are games that are being run which in the grand scheme appear totally insignificant - while some of them are interesting in that the way the game is being planed has a certain entertainment value to it. It would seem unlikely that this is really some significant theory - but its a thing on a thing nonetheless.

The Game Over part was the funny bit - and then I felt compelled to continue. Now I have an example that when properly understood showcases how people can be ahead of their time by simply drawing the right conclusion. And that would come purely by accident. And yet is strictly happening within a social context. At least ... thats where it finally matters. Or - where 'tech' comes to be. We can get along alone on some rudimentary tech-level, ... but sooner or later our aspirations must come back to the social plane. And here ... "all goes". Now, if there is some weirdo who's thing is it to fantasize about Elves and Magic while daydreaming through his life - his stories might still be shared around the world. Or is it just my dream? I wonder. I thought I was 'that guy'. How is it - up there? Is it all just 'look down' or ... is there some ... artistic impression there? Some passion or desire that surpasses the amount of money it'd make?

But so. Psychology. Maybe? Well - I guess the Greeks had Philosophy - meeting in public places to talk shit! At least - thats how it works in my mind. I mean - looking at it, those places aren't that huge. And - it would make sense that there's some link to wealth that is to be drawn. Wealth - however as 'second' to locality. When born somewhere far away - you wouldn't make it into a greek forum. But a place now with enough wealth ... speaking of education primarily ... now supports intellectual wealth 'up there'. Over time these structures grew, I would suppose, ... and that eventually to places beyond our grasp.

The idea is pretty much alike looking at everything as an opportunity. And why? Because ... thats what I do. Trying to bridge some gaps. Tie some things together that need to get fixed together.

... ???

Drumpies new shtick

General StuffPosted by Nicole Mon, March 12, 2018 15:29:39

[on Gun Control/Violence - a psychological observation]

So, I wondered. I wondered first because Trump appeared so similar to certain ... lets call em ... 'fingerprints' (metaphorical for a spiritual equivalence) ... something didn't quite check out and thus I tried to be reserved. The thing is that he yet appeared too stupid. Judging from what I would know about "him" regarding those fingerprints that is.

The way he now gets over about Gun Control and Video Games, ... its nothing I would have seen coming or does appear familiar, but it does resemble an abstract derivation of what I would have seem coming. But ... maybe I'm over-thinking it. So far Trump didn't have any agenda that required anyone to care. Maybe thats still the case ... But as he now tries to tap into the liberal crowd he sits down and tries to appear more reasonable. And I don't know if I can believe that "those law enforcement officers" really performed as poorly as he would describe since he's the one making an assessment in move towards potentially passing legislation. Its like if you're the judge of a talent contest and the winner has already been picked from a handful and it doesn't matter how good you are if you haven't been picked!

And the left is now 'stunned' because they try to be reasonable and not be as those Democrats they hated on which just found talking points against Trump whether they be right or not. But I've already seen warnings being uttered. You know, that its a bit suspicious. Where, the concern isn't Gun control - the concern is the Governments ability to take away your guns without due process.

The way I think one is to properly handle this is to be reserved and first ponder upon the things that are new to you. Because once his scheme turns into being just confusing - you know what you really want and hence can ... "skip that level".
Or maybe thats just the right thing to look for altogether.

I don't know what to tell you.
But the video running in the background gives me some cues.
Which go together with some combustioning going on in me that urges me to get back into 'the topics of darkness'.

I know people that are into dark shit. Well, dark by terms of what is dark on the wall of things that are legal. So, Hard Metal, Ego Shooters, Gory movies, Witchcraft, BDSM, ... "World of Warcraft" - and I have to say: Legal is legal. So, saying ... 'it hasn't been forbidden ... yet!'. And why? Probably because people in charge didn't see the threat!
But ... no. I was about to get into something else. Coverage of those things. So - maybe you've heard of the accusation that Dungeons & Dragons - a game whereby people make up fantasy characters and a story to roll dices deciding whether a player did hurt a monster or not. "I take a swing with my hammer against that imp" "roll a d20". That game ... was accused of being something ... involving Satanic Cults and Satanism and Demon Rituals. Well ... "I summon a bunch of skeletons". "roll a d20". Safe to say that if I roll a 20 on the fictive attempt to open a gate to hell - it won't actually open a gate to hell.

That is reality as I know it!

You have to understand that a piece of media - lets take "the Ancient" D&D rulebooks - once reported on by some media outlet is the same as it is for those invested in it. OK, maybe Doom is an easier example. So, I like games, got a PC, ... and eventually ended up installing and playing Doom. Then, in school, I would talk with my friends about it. And that discussion is practically the same as some media outlet reporting on it = but different. So, 'we' (I and my friends) are "the violent youth" in that narrative.
But what do you think happens in the minds of ours while playing such games? That we get hypnotized ... walk to a weapons store, buy a gun and shoot down people?

Or ... Sex. Sex Sells? Why? Because I played Video Games that indoctrinated me to see women as sexualized objects? Or because certain shapes just automatically cause arousal of some kind? And 'arousal' - as you all might know - is ... an arousing feeling! I could be turned on by the story of Lot just the same!

The point is that if you don't know gaming and someones talking to you about gaming ... you're not really part of the 'crowd'. And the 'crowd' - what is it? In terms of D&D - a bunch of "Nerds" that enjoy playing dice-games with their friends. And D&D is deeper, richer and more complex than ... just rolling a dice to see how many fields you may/must move.

You have to also understand that this 'crowd' has to live. Has a life. 'Sub-cultures' form around interests like that. And sure - if you like something you first need a place where you can get it. I'm thinking of a comic shop for instance.
But on the Internet - there are videos on YouTube. Videos by poeple with a certain target audience in mind. So - what are those videos that are about gun violence in schools but targeted at gamers about?

[jeaopardy music]

"Don't worry" - "no real world links between gaming and violence have been found". General gist. Pointing out hypocrisies, pointing out suggestions at what the real problem may be - and ... here I can provide you with a bit more in-depth information because I was on a good track of becoming a killer myself.

I was cynical about it - maybe it was a juvenile attempt at being cool; Saying that I one day would buy a Katana and chop down people on a shopping lane. I was playing games at the time - but, ... I would argue that a) movies played a bigger role and b) that a Katana looks cool plays an even bigger one. And that is just subject to the actual problem. The actual 'thing'. What it is ... well, there's ... a lot it seems. First of all 'idleness' maybe. Thinking of 'the future' plus 'what is cool'. Maybe? Being inwardly disassociated from the crowd is another thing. And yet I was far away from any true violent intentions, ambitions or ... anything dark, really. I was joking, ... but ... yea, also kindof serious. Not that I dreamed about it though.
But the story goes on. I want to be sure though that I don't miss this - this, ... moment of how it actually became a thing to begin with. If I had been really darkly serious I'd have kept it to myself and done it. I ... guess. Or would have never mentioned it again and done it. And, maybe thats what people are still afraid of?

I kindof remember the day. And it started from some "cloud" in my mind. How can I say? Impulses? I was idly walking and it just came to my mind. Like a really silly idea. Forgotten the next day. Being surrounded by media that perpetuate violent ideas do I think not substantially add to that. You could get angry walking down a street and without games ... or martial arts movies ... or media of any kind ... end up with an ax, or a kitchen knife, maybe a gun.

My idea of whats really important here is this cloud. Or ... mental motions. I'll get into that. But to some extent you need to know what I'm talking about. Its something I would guess is normal. Not the content of the thoughts, but ... the motion. I would say it is a bit like ... the mind being a beast with really large claws - and ever tiny motion of your mind is being turned into thoughts. You can be really nervous about a thing, on other terms, ... be sweatily holding on to it, to your courage, ... while your mind is basically like a cauldron of boiling water and those claws continue to desperately fish for your angst.
Or you want to say something but the bubbles in your mind suggest something totally different.
It probably also comes out when trying to write something but having no clue. There's a determination to take the story somewhere that would help you write - but you might also just listen to the fizzle in hopes of finding a straw to grab.

Where it gets dangerous is once a 'violent fizzle' basically becomes a tree. Once the person so is getting obsessed with it. And there are 'things' - I would argue - that have to be given for that to grow.

I can tell that I just planted that seed of violence in 'your' head - but I doubt that it would turn you over into expressing a motivation like that. That because you got a life and what not. I had nothing. I had no real ambitions for the future at that time and so there was nothing to actually suppress those bubbles. If you are like that - you'll know it! That there at least is competition, I guess.
In essence though this fizzling is I think identical to what fizzles we have if we're into a person of our preferred sex for romancing. What to do? What to say? Saying that not every person is the same. Everyone fizzles, but not everyone is therefore a Casanova. Although ... we could say that ... but that doesn't change ... the fact.

What it takes for the violent fizzles to turn into solid ambitions is a reason. Drugs might play a part to that. So, smoking weed and getting paranoid. Or angry. Like - there's a story: So, a man wanted to hang a picture in his living room. He had a nail, but no hammer. So he wondered. He figured: His neighbor had a hammer - and he might ask him if he might borrow it. But then he thought: What if he doesn't want to? And he went on: But ... I'm a responsible person, why would he not? I clean up outside the house and have a good reputation. But what if he doesn't trust me? ... So this went on for a while - until he got up, got to his neighbors door, rang. The neighbor opened up and the dude who wanted a hammer shouted: "Then keep that fucking hammer you douche!".

This - in my opinion - is how killers get born!

Teens. Love. Puberty. Shame.
Bullying. Retaliation.

And maybe all of that just in the persons mind. Until it maybe grows strong enough so the last bit ... carries over.

I eventually got there myself. But by then I was already busy with enough other stuff so it didn't really hit me. So - on that note: Make 'good' Video-games you imbeciles! Its a reason to live! We don't know the minds of those that do those things - it wouldn't shock me though if them being sick of all the things the world has to offer was one ... trigger.

I think that because the mind grows with the person. So, if I 'nowadays' think about the whole Katana thing I feel that my emotionally closest reason shaping a motivation would be a general hatred unto this society. Projecting the bad of this world unto the people that inhabit it and then just being 'done' with this shit and getting it done with.

So ... the best analogy here is I think to weeds. Or vermin. That around the perception on the environment. Saying that a dirty society will breed dirty individuals. While - I would also say that we're good off. It could be worse! It ... I think ... used to be worse. Prior to Video Games. And that gives this whole 'Anti Video Games' agenda a really ... negative shade!

I would argue that there may never have been a generation 'better off' - and yet the world is a shithole - which is why I argue that the wrong people are the gatekeepers! As a ... general conclusion. But its difficult to really think too negatively of our future when thinking about it!

"We are out there! We have each other! Believe!"

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